LOIS: Battle Maiden
According to multiple on-line sources, this is the meaning of "Lois," & it is certainly apropos. Here is the most current update of her recovery from eye surgery on WED 11/4.
- She accompanied me to church on SAT 11/7, eye-patch & all.
- She drove to & from, including stops at school to pick-up school work & Hy-Vee to pick up some groceries . . . and it was NOT a "white-knuckle experience [despite her self-admitted lack of depth-perception.] *
- She was back in the classroom on MON 11/9. Her students were delighted to say the least. One had even brought her a pirate's eye patch to wear over her eye-patch. [Despite my encouragement, I couldn't get her to say more than "Ahoy, mateys."] **
- Yesterday, WED 11/11, we went to Omaha where her eye surgeon removed her dressing, cleaned the wound, removed most of her sutures, & pronounced his satisfaction at the progress of her healing.
- Although he did point out some puffiness, bumps, etc., I must say that they are negligible. Lois herself remarked that her appearance was much better than she expected. She had been told that she would have a black eye. She does not have a black eye [much to my relief, for obvious reasons].
- She does not have to wear an eye patch. She is thrilled. She can wash her hair, but she is not allowed to wash her eye, rub it vigorously, etc.
- She DOES have to wear an eye shield while she sleeps & anytime during the day when she is not wearing her glasses, but it merely covers her eye structure & does not extend upwards onto her forehead, over toward her ear, downwards onto her cheek.
- And here's where the Battle Maiden metaphor applies. Although we filled her prescription for hydrocodone/super tylenol before we left Omaha on the day of her surgery, she has NOT taken one, single, solitary pain pill. And she never flinched while he tugged at & removed her sutures! ***
- In fact, she not not taken any pain medication at all. Not one Tylenol, not one ibuprofen. While she has had a few glasses of wine while watching t.v. in the evening, it's been no more than usual. ****
- We go back to Omaha next THU 11/19 to have the remaining sutures removed. [By "We" I mean the Battle Maiden.]
- As an aside, her appointment was scheduled for 3:30. The doctor didn't walk into the exam room until after 5:30 & didn't finish until after 6:00. We didn't leave until close to 6:30. I'm sure we'll get a discount. Right?
** She rejected "shiver me timbers" as being too complicated to explain to 1st graders & felt that "yo-ho-ho & a bottle of rum" was inappropriate."
*** I was in the exam room with her, watched the whole procedure, and, for the record, I didn't flinch either. But this post is all about her, not me.
**** Which is really none of your business.
Whimsy
I only read USA Today when I'm on the road & the paper is available at the hotel where I am staying. I typically read it at the breakfast bar. I always marvel at the "State-By-State News" which, if you are unfamiliar with this periodical, is a compilation of one brief news story from each of our United States. I picture a crack team of journalists pouring over myriad news stories from each state, feverishly working to distill them into the most newsworthy journalistic coup that ranks in the Top 50 State News Items of the day. Since I am a "newspaper junkie," I confess to being mildly jealous of those who work this coveted job. Here are some of the highlights from the USA Today 11/30/15 edition, which I read while staying at a hotel during the NE District Educators' Conference in Omaha. Remember--these are, I assume, what were considered to be the most newsworthy items in each state, as determined by the USA Today crack team of State-By-State News investigative editors.- Alabama, Montgomery: The Winn-Dixie grocery store chain cut prices on more than 1,500 items the store said customers purchase most frequently. [To my great disappointment, not even a PARTIAL list was included. To my way of thinking, this item demanded its own feature story.]
- New Hampshire, Litchfield: Melissa Cote & Tom Cowern, who both work at SpookyWorld/Nightmare New England here, tied the knot in front of the attraction's haunted house...Cote wore a traditional white wedding gown w/a black sash, but her dad dressed as Beetlejuice, the spirit played by Michael Keaton in the 1988 movie of the same name. Cowern, dressed in black w/a top hat, was the first horror actor hired at the attraction 8 years ago. [When proponents of gay marriage mock traditional marriage, they could be thinking of weddings like this. I'm just sayin'.]
- Rhode Island, Middletown: The Newport Daily News reported that the Middletown Police Dept. is lifting its ban on facial hair & will allow officers to grow mustaches in November to raise awareness for men's health issues. [Because nothing says "men's health issues" to me like a law enforcement officer with a mustache.]
- South Dakota, Mitchell: City officials contend that the lighting on the newly renovated Corn Palace obscures parts of the tourist attraction...People are having trouble seeing the corn murals at night because of the LED lighting on the mural borders, according to City Councilman Marty Barrington. [Several years ago Lois & I began treating ourselves to a few days out-of-town over Christmas break--our Christmas present to each other. The Corn Palace just got crossed off our short list for this year's plans.]
Political Whimsy or Theological Thursday?
Excerpt from Norfolk Daily News (11/2): "Pope costume prize winner at White House Halloween event. A toddler dressed like the pope & pushed along in a popemobile got the top prize at President Barack Obama's White House Halloween.Upon seeing the costume, Obama turned to the news media & declared 'top prize.'" [In a related but under-reported news story, a toddler dressed as Martin Luther King got the top prize at the Pope's Vatican Halloween. A spokesperson for the White House immediately decried this action as "racist."]Criminal Minds
Also from NDN (11/5): "South African student steals bus. South African media say a high school student stole a bus in a desperate effort to get to his final year math exams. Broadcaster eNCA reported Thursday that Le-Aan Adonis got behind the wheel when the driver failed to show up. Adonis told eNCA he found the keys in the bus. Other students said they asked the 20-yr-old to drive cause they trusted he could handle a bus . . . Adonis faces a school disciplinary hearing. The students arrived on time for their exam. [Students arrived on time for their exam? This student was desperate to get to his final year math exam? I for one think this case could be plea-bargained.]Also from NDN (11/6): "Didn't work. Police said a burglary suspect's plans went awry when he dropped in on stunned dinner patrons through the ceiling of a Florida * restaurant & was then hold down by the customers until officers arrived . . . Police said 30-yr-old Justin Grimes had gone through ceiling tiles in the bathroom & then fell through into the dining room as he attempted to make his way to the area over the office. Policy said he was looking for money. He was charged with burglary." [Another clue: Little Johnny went back to his parents' booth & reported that a man was floundering around in the crab rangoon tray--AND he wasn't holding onto a fresh plate!]
* AND there is no place like Florida!
Food for Thought
Also from NDN (11/4): "McDonald's fries return to Venezuela. Fast food lovers in shortage-plagued Venezuela are enjoying greasy French fries at McDonald's franchises once again after the side dish went missing last winter. Venezuela's widespread & worsening shortages are driven in part by the country's tight currency controls, which make it hard to get dollars for imports. Potato imports fell 85% in 2014, before McDonald's took fries off the menu at its more than 100 locations." [An object lesson on why Socialism always, ALWAYS flounders. What say you, Bernie Sanders?]There is no place like . . .
Colorado?
Also from NDN (10/15): "As kombucha sales boom, new alcohol test requested. Makers of fermented teas are facing federal fines. A tangy fermented tea called kombucha has moved from the natural foods aisle to the mainstream. But it's also moved into the hot seat amid renewed concerns that it can contain low level of alcohol. Five years after alcohol levels detected in kombucha prompted nationwide recalls, federal authorities again are warning producers to relabel their products to indicate alcohol content or face fines. But this time around, dozens of producers are resisting & have asked for new federal tests to help them avoid running afoul of alcohol laws." [Law enforcement officials in western Nebraska are bracing themselves for vehicles loaded with illegal kombucha stashes, driven by DUIK's. ** Drivers under the influence of kombucha.
Ohio?
Excerpt from Omaha World Herald (10/19): "Church gives pizza driver $1,000 tip from collection. An Ohio church congregation ordered a pizza from Domino's during a service, then tipped the drier more than $1,000 that it had been collected for the offering. The driver took the $5.99 pizza to Sycamore Creek Church in Pickerington in suburban Columbus. The Rev. Steve Markle brought her onstage & asked her the biggest tip she'd ever received. She said about $10. That's when Markle told her the teaching at the church had been about generosity, so the congregation had taken up an offering for the driver. She broke into tears." [I am trying to confirm the following rumors. (1) Managers of Domino's pizza stores in Ohio have been insisting on driving all deliveries to churches themselves. (2) Domino's Pizza & other pizza restaurant flyers have been turning up in church hymnal racks.] ** It was not necessary for me to confirm that this was not a Lutheran church.
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