THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE NEBRASKA
Excerpt from Lincoln Journal Star (8/5/15): FFA, church provide fresh produce for needy in Adams. Two community groups in Southeastern Nebraska are working together to provide fresh vegetables to residents who might otherwise have a difficult time putting food on the table." [Because that's just the kind of people we are, he said, while straining his shoulder, trying to give himself a pat on the back.]
Excerpts from Omaha World Herald (8/13/15): 'Scool' flub not cool on parking passes. The new school year started with a lesson in proofreading for students at Millard West. Student parking passes were all labeled 'Millard West High Scool.'" [Emphasis added . . . & just a quick geography lesson--Millard West is in the Omaha area, which is just across the Missouri River from Council Bluffs, Iowa.]
Also from OWH (8/20): "5 State Fair Foods on a Stick. This weekend in De Moines, the Iowa State Fair (so grand they wrote a Broadway musical about it) continues with a butter Monopoly board, all kinds of exhibitors & a whole bunch of animals--& that's just the presidential hopefuls. If grandstanding politicians aren't your thing, head to Grand Island in another week for the Nebraska State Fair, where we'll have an honest-to-goodness music star (Keith Urban) play an outdoor concert.
"But let's be real. The true draw of all state fairs isn't the music, the Ferris wheel or the White House aspirants. It's the food.
"Whether you're heading west or east, make the trip worthwhile by gobbling down these amazing eats.
#5: Apple pie on a stick (Iowa State Fair): Tiny apple pies, ready to plop right in our mouths? Yes Please!
#4: Fried peanut butter & jelly on a stick (both fairs): Regress a little & tap into your inner child w/a greasier take on the PBJ).
#3: Chocolate-covered Chocolate chip cookie dough on a stick (Iowa State Fair): A little on the rich side, sure. But they're small enough bites that they work.
#2: Baon-wrapped meatballs on a stick (Nebraska): What can possibly improve a meatball (or anything really)? Bacon, of course!
#1: Deep-fried Twinkie on a stick (Both): This is actually pretty disgusting. But you should try it at least once--just to say you've experienced the bad idea of deep-fried breading."
[You've gotta give the edge to Nebraska. Why? It's true that Apple Pie on a Stick rates quality points, but so does Deep-Fried Twinkies, & those are available at both fairs. In a word, "Bacon." Nebraska has Bacon-Wrapped Meatballs, & Nebraska would have to be considered an underdog, so this critic chooses the Nebraska State Fair over the vaunted ISF. Gotta problem with that?!]
OR PENNSYLVANIA?
Excerpt from Norfolk Daily News (8/20): "One killer deal. (Dateline Perryopolis, PA) Celebrate your purchase of this lovely 4-bedroom Victorian w/some fava beans & a nice Chianti. The house that was used as the home of psychotic Killer Buffalo Bill in the 1991 film 'The Silence of the Lambs' is up for sale." [This is one of those movies, along with Aliens 2 & Jurassic Park, that Lois refused to watch w/me.] *
* To the best of my knowledge, Lois has no clinically-diagnosed mental health disorders.
CRIMINAL MINDS
Excerpts from Norfolk Daily News (8/17/15): "Driving drunk dad. Police say an upstate New York man had his 10-year-old drive his pickup truck while he was sitting in the passenger seat drunk." [Let me just hazard a guess . . . This man is no longer under consideration for Father of the Year in Stillwater, N.Y.]
Also from NDN (8/20): "Lawsuit has chance of proceeding. An unprecedented House lawsuit against President Barack Obama that was once derided as a certain loser looks stronger now & may soon deliver an early legal round to Republican lawmakers complaining of executive branch overreach.
"A federal judge is expected to decide shortly whether to dismiss the suit, but thanks to an amended complaint & a recent Supreme Court ruling, the Republican-backed case has a much better chance of proceeding, attorneys agree." [Now hang on just a second! I could have put this in my Political Tuesday blog, but chose to post it in my Whatever Wednesday blog instead. So, I'm commenting on this within a humorous context, not a partisan context, okay? I'm NOT a hater, okay? Seriously, okay?!]
Also from OWH (8/19): "Seeking prizes, thieves uncap 1,200 beers in store. Police in western Germany are looking for thieves who broke into a store selling alcohol & stole the caps off 1,200 bottles of beer--presumably to collect points for a prize contest--yet left the suds themselves untouched." [Now this is just plain wrong. I am going to assume that although this took place in Berlin, there's no way these thieves could have been Lutherans. Or Catholics for that matter.] *
* I apologize IF I offended anyone with those last two comments.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Also from NDN (8/21): Quinoa grown right here in U.S. Quinoa is an ancient grain high in protein & fiber. This nutritious grain is indigenous to Bolivia & Peru, where ancient Incas held the crop to be sacred & referred to it as chisaya mama or 'mother of all grains.'" [Indigenous to Bolivia & Peru? Ancient Incas held the crop to be sacred & referred to it as "chisaya mama"?! First of all, this is supposed to make us proud? Secondly, there is no getting around it. 'Chisaya mama' just plain sounds dirty. Thirdly, by describing it as "nutritious" and "high in protein & fiber," you're just planting in my mind that it's in the same category as kale. No thanks.]
Also from OWH (8/22): "Even in Siberia, finding a Big Mac isn't out of the question. Should you find yourself in western Siberia, you'll soon be able to spot the Golden Arches. McDonald's is branching into western Siberia after reaching a new deal w/a franchisee, the company said Friday." [Thereby causing me to put Western Siberia back on my bucket list.]
MISCELLANEOUS
Also from NDN (8/20): "Grizzly bears responsible for increased livestock killings. Growing numbers of grizzly bears venturing east from the Rocky Mountains are attacking more domestic cattle & sheep. Montana's livestock-loss program has reimbursed ranchers for 42 animals killed by grizzlies so far this year--8 more than in all of 2014, not counting the 22 cattle lost this year to bears that have not yet been claimed." [In a related story, a lawyer claiming to represent grizzlies noted, "As always, grizzlies make a convenient boogieman. My clients can attest to many examples of stray bison & antelopes literally frightening simple-minded cattle to death." In a 2nd related story, Montana Game & Parks officials would neither confirm nor deny rumors that they've been trying to make contact w/a controversial dentist who earlier this summer was in the news for his bow-&-arrow killing of a lion in Zimbabwe." Said the official, who agreed to speak on the condition of anonymity, "Yes, of course it would be controversial, but a bow-&-arrow would certainly even the odds, & Montana doesn't allow baiting big-game animals, as far as you know."]
Also from NDN (8/21): "Fire starter. A suburban Detroit official is trying to extinguish the use of personal flamethrowers, which are being sold online by two companies in his city. The companies, located in the Detroit area & Cleveland, claim their devices can be used for recreation or to control weeds & insect hives, clear snow & ice, clear brush & start a bonfire." [I'll make two points, all too familiar to some of us but not to others. Whose out to control these devices that can be used relatively harmlessly for recreation, weed & insect control, snow & ice removal, & yard work? A blue-stater, that's who! Secondly, flamethrowers don't cause fires. People cause fires.]
Also from OWH (8/20): "Zoo thinks mom of giant panda is pregnant again. Officials at Washington's National Zoo say they think the mother of nearly 2-yr-old giant panda Bao Bao is pregnant again. The zoo said veterinarians performed an ultrasound Wednesday . . . detected what they believe is a developing panda fetus." [In a related story, zoo keepers first became suspicious when [the panda] refused to eat her usual diet of bamboo unless it was drenched in habanero sauce first. In a developing story, so far unconfirmed, an anonymous source within Planned Parenthood, speaking on condition of anonymity, was quoted as saying, "Let's remember that this is a fetus, not a panda."]
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