Some Personal Reflections *
* I continue to reflect on a book my daughter Sarah gave me, The Gifts of Imperfection, by Brene' Brown, Pd.D., L.M.S.W. (Hazelden, 2010). This book is sub-titled "Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be & Embrace Who You Are--Your Guide to a Wholehearted Life." I started reading it months ago, set it aside for awhile, then picked it up recently & am finding it full of insights & pauses for reflection, as I continue my "sabbatical." These are excerpts from the Introduction, entitled "Whole-hearted Living."
"We can talk about courage & love & compassion until we sound like a greeting card store but unless we're willing to have an honest conversation about what gets in the way of putting these into practice in our daily lives, we will never change. Never, ever." : My reflection: One of the results of my process that led to burning out was refusing to take the time to have an honest conversation w/myself about what I was doing to myself. Or rather, my conversations were pretty one-sided, i.e., SELF: "You know that you're working yourself into a major crisis, right?" OTHER-SELF: "Shut up. You've got more work to do."
"Courage sounds great, but we need to talk about how it requires us to let go of what other people think; for most of us, that's scary." Having a powerful need to please others, to gain the affirmation & recognition of others, has been a powerful driving force in my life. I believe that God's purpose [or one of them] behind my enforced sabbatical may be to humble me.
"Compassion is something we all want, but are we willing to look at why boundary-setting & saying no is a critical component of compassion? Are we willing to say no, even if we're disappointing someone?" [emphasis in original] I have found it difficult to say "no,"--something else that has consistently gotten me in trouble over the years. I attribute part of this to "church worker's syndrome." I'm called to serve. Therefore, when I'm asked to do something, even if I'm not sure I have a gift for it, even if I'm not sure I really have the time, it's my duty to serve. I also attribute part of it to ego. It's flattering to be asked to serve. Would you consent to be nominated to the District Board of Directors? Of course! It's my duty to serve, right? And it's an honor, too, right?
"If we want to know why we're all so afraid to let our true selves be seen & known, we have to understand the power of shame & fear. If we can't stand up to the never good enough & who do you think you are? we can't move forward . . . [emphasis in original] Once again, I can totally relate to the idea of never being good enough. As both a teacher & principal, I had a very difficult time relating to teachers who seemed to be satisfied using the same course outlines, lesson plans, quizzes, & tests, year after year. I was NEVER satisfied & spent time EVERY summer, whether I was officially on duty or not, re-working, revising, improving (at least in my mind) my materials . . . but as I reflect, I wonder what was really driving me.
"Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love & belonging & joy--the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light." This "exploring the darkness & discovering the infinite power of our light" talk sounds like New Age jargon. I'll admit that I am very uncomfortable with the idea of embracing my vulnerabilities & find myself suspicious that this is what is needful in order to find love, belonging & joy. Really?
A Few(?) Possible Examples of Why I'm (Mildly) Stressed *
* And I may, admittedly, be over-reacting.
Excerpt from Lincoln Journal Star (8/11/15): "Air controller schedules cause errors from fatigue. Report citing safety lapses kept secret for four years. Air traffic controllers' work schedules often lead to chronic fatigue, making them less alert & endangering the safety of the national air traffic system, according to a study the government has kept secret for nearly four years." [Some of you know that Lois & I play The License Plate Game every year, keeping track of vehicle license plates. Rules are simple. You can count a license plate that you spot on any vehicle, as long as the vehicle is NOT in a state you are presently inhabiting. Last year we successfully picked off all 50 states. This year we have 49, but #50 will be a challenging one to get: New Hampshire. That's got me a little stressed, & this news article has me very stressed about tentative plans to fly to New England for our annual Christmas "road" trip.]
Excerpt from Norfolk Daily News (8/7/15): "If you're trying to lose weight, kick off your diet by relaxing. Stress tinkers with your brain chemistry in ways that make it hard to make healthful food choices, a new study finds . . . 'Being able to regulate & control your decision-making involves this complex interplay between different areas of your brain,' said Todd Hare, a neuroscientist at the University of Zurich & the senior author of the study published Wednesday." [The good news is that I've lost over 30 lbs during my "sabbatical." The bad news is that I'd still like to lose another 10-15 lbs, & you're telling me this may require a COMPLEX interplay between different areas of my brain?!]
Excerpts from Omaha World Herald (8/5/15): "Is early fatherhood tied to earlier death? . . . After analyzing health records of more than 30,000 fathers from Finland, researchers determined that men who had their first child before age 22 were 26% more likely to die between the ages of 45-54 than men who waited until they were at least 25.
"The youngest fathers were about 50% more likely to die early than men who put off having kids until they were at least 30." [OK, let me do some calculations. "We" had Nathan in Nov. 1982, when I was 29 yrs old. I turned 30 in Jan. 1983. So "we" waited until I was at least 25, I've made it past the ages of 45-54, & I'm not Finnish, so I should be safe. Right? Right?!]
Also from Omaha World Herald (8/10): "Most know that a diet full of white bread, pasta & rice is bad for your waistline. Now scientists say these types of refined carbs could also have an impact on your brain, putting postmenopausal women at higher risk for depression." [Wait . . . what? Impact on your brain? Higher risk for depression? I better re-read this clip . . . Never mind. I'm not a postmenopausal woman. If you are a PMP woman or a woman looking forward(?) to PM, I apologize for causing you stress.]
And One Exception
According to the OWH American League Central Standings (8/17): The KC Royals are 12 games in 1st place, ahead of their nearest rivals, the MN Twins *; 15 games ahead of Detroit *. Last year at this time they were battling for a wild card spot on their way to their first World Series appearance since 1985. *
* Both happen to be very "blue" metropolitan areas. Coincidence? I think not.
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