Ordinarily, this would be a highly, highly stressful time of year for me. Teachers would be reporting for duty. Back-to-school registration would be this Wednesday. Our opening worship service would be coming up. School would be starting, probably next week. My admin-office staff & I would have been working feverishly to make certain that everything was ready for Early Schedule Nights, financial aid appeals, ordering curricular materials, all the afore-mentioned activities, back-to-school mtgs, & more.
If you have read some of my previous Mental Health Monday posts, you know that I was experiencing symptoms of burnout prior to the beginning of the '14-15 school year, because I had found myself unable to complete administrative tasks that were crucial to the successful beginning of the school year.
Well, due to my ongoing struggles with clinical depression & general anxiety disorders, I continue to find myself on an indefinite medical leave of absence, so those stressors are absent. However, I have been concerned for some time as to how I will handle the absence of work from the very beginning of the school year. [I staggered through last school year until the first week of November, when my Board of Directors told me that I needed to take an indefinite leave of absence *, & I agreed.] *
* FYI: I have decided to officially name this "my sabbatical."
Technically, just as a reminder, I continue to be on an indefinite, medical leave-of-absence. [Am I repeating myself? Chalk it up to my various & sundry clinical disorders.] I am on a medical disability, due to my mental health diagnoses. My status, according to the LCMS, is "minister of religion (inactive)," which means that I am still on the Roster but unable to receive or accept a call.
While I have accepted that I'm not capable of performing at a level necessary to fulfill my responsibilities as a school administrator, I also know that it is NOT healthy to sit around the house with no routine, nothing to keep myself gainfully occupied, with no driving purpose to keep me focused. Oh, I have some ideas, such as continuing my writing efforts, but will that be enough? [This is a rhetorical question. The answer is, "No."]
Here are some of my thoughts as, for the first time in over 40 years, I face the prospect of NOT bracing myself for the beginning of a school year.
NOT SO BREAKING NEWS! Since I will almost certainly feel obligated to write a separate entry, I am a dog owner, as of WED 7/29, approximately 3:45p, when my dear wife & wonderful daughter Rachel returned from their "girls day out" in Sioux City with Sammy, a 4-yr-old, black, part Lab, part undetermined mix, which they obtained from the Sioux City animal shelter. Although Lois & I have been talking about acquiring a dog for some time, I wasn't expecting things to fall into place quite this quickly. Anyway, my days will partly [entirely?] revolve around my[?] new dog & his[our?] routine. But I digress.
ALTERNATIVE (AT LEAST TEMPORARY) CAREER PATHS?
Excerpts from Omaha World Herald (2/13): "Sparkly missile aims to inspire. Circus performer will soon log 500th launch, with each flight as daring, daunting & thrilling as the one before it. Plenty of performers have had explosive entrances. Some rise like meteors, soaring to new heights. Others find their moment in the spotlight fleeting. Few have done all of this at once & quite so literally as Gemma Kirby, the 25-yr-old human cannonball at Circus Xtreme. She hurtles out of a cannon at up to 66 mph & lands up to 104 ft away in an air bag." [When I read this article last February, I couldn't help but clip it for future reference. I mean, how cool would it be to become a human cannonball? That's a 2nd career I thought I could potentially get really pumped up about. Then I continued reading.] . . . "Though her time in the air is brief, Kirby loves to see young women's stunned faces as she zooms through the air, a missile in a sparkly silver outfit. 'I'm not saying that little girls should necessarily watch me & want to do exactly what I do, but I hope that some of them can see my performance & say, 'That's something I didn't realize girls could do,' ' she said. 'For me, that's the most important thing: empower someone to believe in themselves.'" [I quickly became disenchanted because #1, I couldn't visualize myself in a sparkly silver outfit; #2, I couldn't imagine doing this to be a role model; #3, for me, being a human cannonball was all about empowering ME, not others. I was ashamed.]
From OWH (7/15): "Drinking his way around the country for a good cause. Todd Ruggere has downed a beer in Ohio, Kentucky, Maine, & 18 other states. His goal? To knock one back in all 50. Ruggere isn't doing this just for the thrill of the chase. He's trying to raise money for cancer research. The Massachusetts man will drink one beer in each state throughout 2015 on his 'Pour Tour.' During his trip, he will be collecting money to donate to cancer research." [Paul: "Honey, this sounds like a great idea to keep me occupied." Lois: "No." Paul: How about eating an order of onion rings in all 50 states?" Lois: "Oh. That's different." Paul: "Seriously?" Lois: "No."] *
* Serious aside. "Pour" & "tour" do not rhyme, a serious consideration for someone w/symptoms of OCD.
Also from OWH (7/15): "Trip will be at conversational pace. Man hopes to have series of meaningful talks with Nebraskans. Stuart Chittenden is preparing for a strange trip. Early next month he'll board an RV & set out across Nebraska. He'll drop into a new town, put out two chairs, occupy one of them, & wait. What, exactly, he'll be waiting for is yet to be determined. He hopes a stranger will choose to sit & talk, & then another stranger after that, & then another. Every few days, Chittenden will hit another town. He'll arrive with the same set-up in each--two chairs, a canopy, some refreshments & a sign inviting people to chat--along with a question meant to get the conversation rolling: What does 'community' mean to you?" [When I mentioned this as an option, Lois pointed out that, #1, we don't own & can't afford an RV. #2, I have commented more than once that when I am on my own & grab a meal @ a food court, for example, my preference is to have something to read & find a table off by myself where I can be left alone w/my reading. Why would I ever think a plan like this would appeal to me? The little woman uses irrefutable logic on me sometimes.]
WORRISOME NEWS FOR THOSE WHO SUFFER FROM ANXIETY
Excerpt from Parade Magazine (3/1): "Boomer Health by the Numbers. 72% have 1 or more chronic diseases; 43% have high blood pressure; 24% have a walking disability; 16% have diabetes . . . 52% report no physical activity . . . 673% predicted increase in knee replacements among Boomers by 2030; 174% predicted increase in hip replacements." [Yes, those last two %'s are reported accurately, according to the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons. According to this article, Baby Boomers are now ages 50-68, & "are falling short when it comes to their health." I am 62. This made me so anxious that I got up & grabbed another cupful of toffee crunch peanuts, then settled back down on the sofa to continue blogging.]
Excerpt from Lincoln Journal Star (5/14): "The unclothed patient. Patient modesty might seem like an oxymoron when those seeking medical care are routinely told to remove their clothes, put on a flimsy gown, lie back & let the professionals do their work. But to many people, everything about those instructions induces anxiety & even anger. They fear the vulnerability that comes with it. They can't relax when they're ceding control over what's happening to them, & it's irrelevant that physicians & nurses have seen thousands of bare bottoms or private parts." [Here's my suggestion. The next time a doctor or nurse tells you to take off your clothes, reply, "You first." Let me know how that works out.]
Excerpt from LJS (7/26): "No privacy for butt dialers, court says. Butt dialing, a source of anxiety for anyone with a cell phone, just got more horrifying. A federal appeals court in Cincinnati ruled Tuesday that somebody who accidentally calls somebody else isn't protected by a right to privacy; whatever the person on the other end hears is fair game. Having a mobile device that everyone knows can trigger calls accidentally means you can be snooped on when the unfortunate mistake occurs, the panel of judges decided." [TRUE STORY: I received what I finally deduced was a butt dial just as a Lenten service was beginning a couple of years ago. I noted that it was a # with a Grand Island area code but didn't pick up, because church was starting. After church I got into my car & returned the car. The person on the other end was incredulous, actually furious, i.e., "I didn't call you! I have no idea who you are!! How did you get my #? I replied, "I called you, because you called me right before my church service started. How else would I be able to return a call to this #?" He wasn't having any of it & eventually became hysterical & abusive to the point where I hung up. He continued to call me back, off & on, for several weeks, continuing to demand to know how I got his # & continuing to be verbally abusive to me. Each time I patiently explained that HE was the one who dialed ME; THAT'S how I was able to return HIS phone call to MY cell phone. His last phone call was more of the same but ended with an exchange that went something like this. Insane, paranoid, irrational caller: "Ha! You have no idea where I live!" Me: "Maybe not. But I have your phone #."]
HOPE FOR THE OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE
Excerpt from Omaha World Herald (7/28): How the Rich Stay on Top of the World . . . They maintain a daily to-do list. Tom Corley, the president of Cerefice & Co. accounting firm in Rahway, NJ, conducted a self-styled, 5-yr study on wealthy & poor people. His results appear in the book 'Rich Habits: The Daily Success Habits of Wealthy Individuals.' When Corley asked about to-do lists, 81% of rich people said they kept them, compared with 19% of those in poverty. 2/3 of wealthy listers complete 70% or more of their daily tasks. [Actually, this information looked hopeful until I hit that last 70% statistic.]
CHRONIC LYING
Exerpt from Omaha World Herald (3/17): "Chronic liars stay true to their twisted way of coping. Do you know someone who is addicted to lying? This person might twist the truth in so many directions that you wonder how he or she keeps up with the lies. Most of us, too, would be ashamed of lying. We'd shame ourselves for being so crafty. Yet chronic liars literally can't stop lying, & they learn to enjoy the game of manipulating others . . . While some people lie to gain wealth or avoid the firing squad, most chronic liars got into the game of lying a different way. To avoid getting hurt or attacked, they began to cope by lying. Fear can trigger almost anyone to lie . . . If you're dealing with someone who lies a lot, it's important for you to ask yourself this question: Do I make it difficult for him or her to be honest? . . . All you have to do is increase punishment & decrease your patience . . . " [How true is that! As I was sharing w/Governor Pete Ricketts on the phone the other day, my wife thinks that hiding my planner & screaming at me impatiently will NOT make me less likely to lie to her. I tried to tell her, as I explained in my recently published article in the peer-reviewed International Journal of Lay Psychiatry, her approach has not & will not work. Even my pastor, who regularly consults me for theological insights when writing his sermons, agreed that she shouldn't be usurping my authority as the spiritual head of our household unless, of course, she keeps her head properly covered, as St. Paul asserts in his 2nd Epistle to the Hebrews.]
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