LECKBAND TEMP CHALLENGE!

RATINGS

Based on NOAA web site @ 7:09a (cdt), all temps in F, ratings follow. 

• #1 tie, Norfolk, NE, & Ventura, IA, 41 
• #3 Garrison, IA, 46 
• #4 Eagan, MN, 49 
• #5 tie, Balmiest Leckbands, Lincoln, NE, & Beatrice, NE, 50

NOTES

It started innocently enough when I got up early to walk the dog. Knowing it would be chilly, I checked the temperature. As the NOAA web site loaded into view, a chill ran up my spine! * We had a chance to be #1 this morning!
* Actually, the first chill ran up my spine at approximately 4:30a, when I got up to use the bathroom & realized that I hadn't closed the bedroom window all the way.

Following a strict protocol, as demanded by my crack team of temp advisors, I rapidly * raced [SEE previous footnote.] through the Leckband Locations in alphabetical order. I was already confident that we would outdo Beatrice, ** & sure enough, they established an early claim as "Balmiest Leckband" that was going to be hard to top. 
* It wasn't so much as "raced" as it was "plodded awkwardly." (1) I didn't have my glasses on. (2) I hadn't had any coffee yet. (3) I'm still suffering from the grievous wound *** I suffered several days ago, which makes accurate typing a challenge.
** After all, they are one of 2 Leckband Locations south of I-80.
*** You may have to wait for my next New Dog Owner Odyssey to find out about my grievous **** wound & why Sammy is partially to blame.
**** It's pronounced GREE-VUS, not, GREE-VEE-US. Sheesh. That's one of my pet peeves.

Eagan, MN, * might be a deal-breaker, but a quick check of the temp eliminated this competitor & my heart quickened! ** Next up, Garrison, always a worthy competitor, *** but their temp couldn't stand up to ours. The feeling of excitement in the air was palpable! [Look it up yourself.]
* Located on approximately the same longitude--or is it latitude(?)--as Hudson Bay. ****
** The piece of coconut cream pie I didn't need but ate anyway for dessert last night could have been equally responsible.
*** Situated in the Waterloo-Cedar Rapids Sub-Arctic Climate Slough.
**** Seriously, why anybody would want to live in this intemperate climate, coupled by the inhospitable political climate of the Twin Cities, is beyond me. *****
***** No offense.

Knowing the temp in Beatrice made searching for the temp in Lincoln * somewhat anti-climactic, & sure enough, it was, although it was gratifying to see a tie for "Balmiest Leckband" ** this morning. 
* The other Leckband Location south of I-80.
** This distinction is not automatic. Just ask the members of my crack team of temp award consultants. ***
*** Which could be difficult, given their names are held in strictest confidence. And, yes, I have a crack team of temp advisors AND a crack team of temp award consultants.

My hand was shaking * as I ventured to check out Ventura ** , which has replaced Sanborn, IA on our charts. My niece Christal & her husband Jesse, an LCMS Minister of Religion-Ordained, have relocated to this small hamlet, situated on the northwest shore of Clear Lake, Jesse having accepted a divine call to Redeemer Lutheran Church, &  Christal, his dutiful wife, having accompanied him, along with their children, but I digress. 
* Could also be a side effect of (1) any one of several medications I take and/or (2) my GREE-VUS wound, suffered several days ago [SEE previous footnote].
** Last weekend, my son Nathan showed me how to add links to my blog posts. If I did it correctly, this may be my first successful attempt. 

Where was I? Oh, yeah . . . Hands trembling, I typed in V-E-N-T-U-R-A-,-I-A, thoroughly expecting to outperform this new upstart. [Is that a redundancy?]  Alas, it was not to be. They, too, registered a temperature of 41 degrees, & so we had to settle for a tie for 1st place this morning. [Would that be anti-climatic or anti-climactic or both?]

NEW DOG OWNER ODYSSEY

I know that my temp challenges can be somewhat tedious. In fact, I have good reason to believe that many of you don't even bother with them. I'm hoping that resorting to a blog format may have enticed some of you to give it a glance.

Also, my New Dog Owner's Odyssey generally seems to get a few more "likes" & positive comments, & since I twice referred to a "grievous" * wound & ascribed partial responsibility to Sammy, I decided to just go ahead & add some more information. **
* For the last time, it's GREE-VUS, not GREE-VEE-US, okay!?
** Plus, there's that issue with my memory that's always a factor for me to consider, & I didn't want you to read about my grievous wound, worry about it, then forget to reassure you that I seem to be recovering.

But first, some backstory . . . 

We keep 3 types of snacks in stock for Sammy:

1. There are bite-sized snacks, usually bacon-flavored, which we give  him when he goes into his kennel without protest. He knows the command "kennel," & he goes w/o hesitation nearly 100% of the time. I believe part of the reason he responds so promptly & enthusiastically is because of the treats, which, I must admit, also smell very attractive to me. [You can be reassured that, despite my recent & ongoing mental slump, which always includes a regression re:  my eating habits, I haven't stooped this low. Yet.]
2. Then there are Milkbones, * a larger-sized snack. I give him one when we return from our lunch-hour walk. This is a daily treat for his dental health.  * I think I just successfully posted a 2nd link. My son will be so proud.
3. Finally, I've been giving him a 3rd bite-sized snack to "reward" him when we are out for a walk & he stops to "do his business," [if you catch my drift]. For awhile, I had to use these snacks to distract him from nipping at me when I put his "restraint harness" on him, but he no longer gets a reward for that, as the nipping has stopped. * I shall refer to this as Treat #3 below. * I've clearly established my dominance. In my mind at least.

I ran out of Treat #3 a few days ago, so I picked some up @ Wal-Mart. * I was attracted to peanut butter-flavored snacks for "large dogs," which, being a gullible consumer, I purchased. When I got home, I discovered, much to my dismay, that these snacks were WAY more than bite-sized, in my estimation. They were as big as one of Sammy's ears! 

* Just reinforcing my newly acquired skill for my own writing habits. **

** Or showing off. Take your pick.

Which leads to the story of my:

Grievous wound

Being the deep thinker that I am, I thought, "I know what I'll do, which will make this an even more economical snack than it already is. I shall use a Cutco knife to cut a humongous peanut butter-flavored snack into 2 pieces.

This was a mistake for one or more of the following reasons.

• Cutco [You have nobody to blame but yourself, Nathan.] knives are incredibly sharp.
• The peanut butter-flavored snacks had the texture of shoe leather.
• My hands are not steady [SEE previous footnote.]

I attempted to lop off the tip of my left index finger. This was not intentional. * I howled ** in pain, grabbed a fistful of paper towels to staunch the profuse *** bleeding, headed to the bathroom to thoroughly cleanse & sterilize the wound, hoping that I would not contract a case of blood poisoning or tetanus ****, & finally got the bleeding under control enough to put a triple layer of bandages on a very difficult location to bandage [just below the fingernail tip]. *****

* In case you were worried that self-destructive tendencies are one of my symptoms of clinical depression.

** Seriously! Sammy just sat there, staring at me in amazement & envy.
*** You may think I'm being a drama queen/king, but if you've ever tried to slice off the tip of a finger, you know that it's possible to bleed more than the Red Cross donation benchmark.
**** In hindsight, I think the fear of tetanus was unfounded, since I had to get a tetanus shot a few years ago when I sent a fishing lure rocketing into the flesh of my left forearm. But I digress.
***** But I seriously digress.

To conclude, the pain from this grievous wound has subsided, & my manual dexterity on the typewriter is slowly recovering, making possible this impossibly long post this Saturday morning.