Reflections about Courage & Vulnerability & Humor

Courage & Vulnerability

Once again I find myself quoting from & reflecting on The Gifts of Imperfection, by Brene' Brown (Hazelden, 2010). Once again I'll remind you that my daughter Sarah * gave me this book back in February, I think. While I can't say I agree with everything this noted writer & research professor has to say, she provides many insights that I find thought-provoking & helpful.
* My daughter is a Brene' Brown groupie, & I mean that in the best way possible. I am very grateful that she gave me this book. Thank you, Sarah! 

"Courage originally meant 'To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart.' Over time, this definition has changed, &, today courage is more synonymous w/being heroic. Heroics is important & we certainly need heroes, but I think we've lost touch w/the idea that speaking honestly & openly about who we are, about what we're feeling, & about our experiences (good & bad) is the definition of courage. Heroics is often about putting our life on the line. Ordinary courage is about putting our vulnerability [emphasis in original] on the line. In today's world, that's pretty extraordinary.
        "When we pay attention, we see courage every day. We see it when people reach out for help . . . I also see courage in myself when I'm willing to risk being vulnerable & disappointed . . . 
        "Every time we choose courage, we make everyone around us a little better & the world a little braver. And our world could stand to be a little kinder & braver." [Except for one exception as noted, all other emphases are mine.]

My reflections:

• I agree that it takes a lot of courage to make oneself vulnerable. And a consequence of making yourself vulnerable is making yourself look weak & beyond help in the eyes some people.
• For example, I think in today's culture it's still risky for a man to make himself vulnerable.
• I'm specifically referring to making oneself vulnerable by choosing to share intimate details about his mental, emotional, physical, & even spiritual health.
• Leading up to the consensus my Board & I reached back in early November 2014, when I agreed to take an open-ended medical leave of absence to attend to issues re:  burn-out that were making it difficult if not impossible for me to successfully cope w/my full-time ministry as head administrator of a Lutheran High School, I had been dropping lots of hints that I was becoming increasingly overwhelmed.
• In hindsight, I was choosing to be honest about my issues--making myself vulnerable--with only a selected few.
• As it became increasingly obvious to those I worked for & among that I could not handle all the responsibilities of my position, things reached a point where basically the decision to take a leave of absence was pretty much taken out of my hands.
• And in hindsight, I am grateful for that.
• Insight:  After the decision to take an indefinite medical leave of absence was made, I resolved to make myself pretty much totally vulnerable. From that point on I kept my Board--at least my Executive Committee--totally informed of the progress I was or wasn't making in coping with my burn-out symptoms. Had  I been more assertive with myself when I actually started to realize what was happening to me--& by "assertive with myself" I mean making myself vulnerable to those people who were best in a position to help me do something about it, i.e., my Board (or at least my Executive Committee), maybe there could have been a different outcome. 
• I let my foolish pride override what my own "reason & all my senses, not to mention my own spouse, were telling me. If there's a lesson to be passed along here, maybe it's this:
• If you can relate to any of this, maybe you should try not to let it happen to you!

Humor Helps

There is research to suggest that humor can be helpful for people suffering from depression & anxiety. Here are two links to check out:  humor & depression research & a somewhat different take. Since I didn't take the time to carefully read either article, I can neither confirm nor deny that either or both will benefit you in either way. *
* I don't have time to do EVERYTHING for you, much as I pretend I'd like to.

Part I

Excerpt from Parade Magazine (9/13/15):  How to Be Funny in 5 Easy Steps *
* This article was authored by Matt Hovde, artistic director of The Second City in Chicago..

1. "Observe the world. Funny people have a knack for seeing things other people miss. They notice how people behave & what is great--or messed up--about the world around them . . . " MY REACTION:  It has always seemed to me that when I'm in a more depressive mood, my sense of humor sharpens. Or as the immortal Steve Martin once said during a comedy routine, "Steve, how can you be so ^?#% funny?" "Simple. I put a slice of baloney in each of my shoes."]
2. "Work your funny bone. Want to be more witty & off the cuff? Take an improv class. Want to hone your storytelling skills? Write something every day . . . " Well, I do write something almost every day. I'd like to think that at least some of my comments are funny, but you be the judge. Since I repeat the mantra * over & over again that I write for self-therapy, I suppose as long as I think they're funny, it really doesn't matter, does it?
3. "Learn to say 'Yes, and . . . ' Those two words are the bedrock of our artistic process. Creative thinking is much easier when we listen to, accept & build off each other's ideas . . . " I either read this once, or somebody told me, or I completely made it up:  Many of the world's great thinkers, writers, philosophers were also known to be, proven to be, or claimed to be alcoholics, drug addicts, or mentally ill. To be best of my knowledge, I have never been an alcoholic or drug addict. *
4. "Use silly words. Pepper your daily banter with words such as squeegee, flapjacks & pontoon boat. These words won't necessarily make you funnier, but they're fun to say--& hear . . . " Wait . . . what? I don't need to consciously "pepper" my "daily banter" w/"silly words." I've always enjoyed an eclectic *** vocabulary & employing it when (a) either the situation seems to warrant it; or (b) entirely for my own amusement.
5. "Get over yourself. When we take ourselves too seriously, we become defensive, dismissive & closed to new ideas. Humor comes much more naturally when we abandon our ego & the fear that drives it. Rare is the funny person who cannot first laugh at himself." I think I laugh at myself plenty. My insight here is that it's rude to laugh at someone else until he or she laughs at himself or herself.

* I admit that there's been times when I may have been over-medicated w/pain-killers & sleeping medication, but I was always able to get off those medications abruptly, either on my own or upon a physicians advice, w/o suffering any side effects. I think that contra-indicates signs of addiction. **

** It's possible that I may have just made myself a wee bit too vulnerable, but it's my blog &, I'll remind you again:  I blog on my own terms.

*** See! By the way, not to brag or anything, when I was a freshman in h.s., I took some kind of National Vocabulary test & finished in the 90th percentile. Also, when I was reading Readers' Digest regularly & taking their monthly vocab quiz & challenging my wife to do the same, for my own good it's best for me not to share the results ****

**** Both my shoulders are aching this morning. This could be the result of the many pats I seem to be giving myself on the back. I could also blame it on the many walks I am taking with the dog. You be the judge.

Part II *

Excerpt from Norfolk Daily News TV Week (9/18/15):  From "late laughs" w/Conan O'Brien: "A study found that many types of head lice have mutated & now become resistant to over-the-counter treatments. The problem has scientists scratching their heads." From Jimmy Fallon: "I heard that Nicki Minaj [I have to admit that I am rather culturally  ignorant as to who this celebrity is.] suffered a wardrobe malfunction during a concert in Vancouver. Yeah, apparently through some freak accident, her top came ON."

* And I'm never ** above joke-stealing.
** Well, hardly ever.