Includes Faux(?) Mothers' Day Tribute & Haiku

Exclusive Hill Family Reunion 2016 Entry

A Mothers' Day Preamble [SEE Mothers' Day Haiku below.]

[DISCLAIMER: As you read along, you will discover that this is {A} not really about Mothers' Day at all; and {b} more of a "ramble" than a "preamble."]

• What's that, you say? It's Mothers' Day, & you were expecting an inspiring, honorific entry . . . chock full of awe-inspiring attributes about mothers in general & specific attributes of the many mothers--both blood-kin & camp followers--comprising the collective known as the "Hill Family" . . . 
• Some of whom the rest of us are related to by marriage . . . and instead you've discovered, i.e., "stumbled across," yet another plethora of guidelines, as well as a bonus feature?!
• Well . . . it's still my blog, & I typed the the bulk of this entry way back on SUN 4/17, when I was still feeling feeling relatively fresh & amused by all this . . . and . . . as always . . . 
• It's still my blog. [Yes, I repeated myself. Yes, in the time it took me to realize this minor flaw in today's entry, acknowledge it, & type this reaction, I easily could have deleted, & none of us would have been the wiser . . . I'm all about full discloser.]

GUIDELINES . . . A final set?

10. Coarse language is not allowed . . . Off-color jokes are not allowed . . . As some of you probably know, I absolutely LOATHE f-bombs! [CAVEAT 10.A. If in doubt, it is a good idea to check w/someone "qualified" before springing such a joke on anyone else.] *
11. If you are a college student and/or a millennial, you should understand that those of us of a . . . shall we say . . . "older" generation, [COROLLARY TO GUIDELINE 11. It's OK for "us" to use the term "older" generation . . . not you.] most likely can & will feel free to lend you the advice we've gleaned from years of experience & the superior intellect of our generation. [CAVEAT 11.A. You should NOT feel obligated to reciprocate your own advice & opinions to the "older" generation . . . unless your own advice & opinions are solicited . . . which is highly unlikely.]
12. I've thought of a few other topics that are probably better left "off limits." These include [but may not necessarily be limited to] "Ole & Lena" jokes, comments about cheese-heads, ***  & Minnesotan accents ****.]  [COROLLARY TO GUIDELINE 12. In an earlier set of guidelines I mentioned "politics" as a topic better left "off limits". Because of recent events, it is possible that those members of the Hill Family, whether blood-kin or camp followers, who reside in the VERY red state of MN ***** may have some questionably "humorous", more likely degrading, things to say about the presumed Republican candidate for POTUS. The best response . . . which should immediately reduce them to an embarrassed silence? Two words . . . "Jesse Ventura." + [SUB-COROLLARY to COROLLARY to GUIDELINE 12. If you don't know who JV is, google him. I CAN'T be expected to do ALL the heavy lifting for you. Besides, they'll know who you are referring to.]
* In all modesty, I happen to think that I am superbly qualified. **
** Okay, maybe NOT "in all modesty" . . . & possibly not "superbly."
*** Comments about "Wisconsin" cheese-heads are generally considered safe.
**** No offense, but oh yes you do! Others just shouldn't attempt one, as it will be considered a form of mockery. It's OK if SISTERS' or BROTHERS' spouses attempt them.
***** Well, the VERY red, metropolitan Twin Cities version of MN.
+ "Al Franken" may work equally well & perhaps even better.

Disappointing News Re:  Disappearing Option?!

Apparently the information shared last week about a possible outing to Sven & Nordgar's Bait & Tackle Shop and Luxury Wedding Emporium was included too little & came too late. It's a pity, really, because my F.R.S.A. * were able to uncover a few more details. **

• One of the many wedding dinner/reception options is a genuine, Far North Luau. Instead of a roasted pig, you get a giant, grilled walleye . . . Well, enough roasted walleyes to feed the wedding party & guests. Each walleye it served on a bed of wild rice & comes w/a baby loon--the MN state bird--roasted & stuffed in its mouth [A Far North version of a Cornish game hen.] 
• If you choose the wedding ceremony performed by Lena Nordgarsen, Sven's great-grandmother, a licensed clergyman of the RSSOMPST ***, she will bring along the "Holy Hula-Poppers" Hula Ensemble from Sea of Galilee Lutheran Church, where Pastor Lena presides. These limber ladies, ranging in age from 3 to 93, will perform a plethora of sacred hula dances as part of the pre-ceremony & post-ceremony festivities. 

While it is possible that this option is no longer viable, it's hopefully not too late for "Plan B!" This venue may still be available . . . but the popularity of this legendary matrimonial locale means that summer dates are fast filling up . . . Best forward several dates to me, & I'll forward them to my F.R.S.A.

* Family Reunion Surveillance Associates
** Unfortunately, we still haven't been able to pinpoint the exact location of this well-known B & T Shop & LW Emporium. "We" just know that it is in the wider Twin Cities Metropolitan and/or regional area . . . which could include but may not be limited to Duluth, Rochester, Mankato, Stillwater, & Austin [Spam Capital of the World.] ****
*** Reformed Scandinavian Synod of the Old Minnesota Pre-State Territory
**** Speaking of more options, I'm told that there is a delightful Spam Museum in Austin.

A Mothers' Day Haiku *

My mom was the best.
I was clearly her fav'rite.
Dad liked me best, too.

* The least I could do. **
** Never let it be said that I'm not willing to do the least. ***
*** And I just made a rhyme!