From the Norfolk Daily News:
(7/6) "Naked man jailed...Capt. Mike Bauer with the NPD said calls for service came in at about 10:47 p.m. re: the man in the area of 1st St. & Monroe Ave. When officers arrived on scene, a man came out of the house at 1910 S. 1st St. & started to walk toward the street. The man had no clothes on..." [First, I live at 1606 Skyline Dr. Second, we are hoping that this is not the beginning of a trend.]
(7/6) "Three charged with cattle rustling. It may no longer be the wild frontier it once was, but the region encompassing eastern Nebraska & western Iowa still sees the occasional cattle thief. Officials in eastern Nebraska...are prosecuting three Omaha residents they suspect of cattle rustling. [First, I live in Norfolk. Second, the headline really doesn't call for any additional commentary.]
From the Omaha World Herald (some of these excerpts are slightly dated):
(2/1) "Promote 'Meatless Monday'? Not here, UNL says. Is even one day without meat too many in Nebraska? It is for some at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln...When environmental studies students recently asked the student government for its blessing to spend a little money promoting 'Meatless Monday' on campus, they stirred up a big response from their neighbors in ag programs. Meat production contributes to greenhouse gas emissions, the environmental studies students said, & UNL students should be informed about that. Misleading, the Collegiate Farm Bureau members said. Not in my backyard, the animal science majors said. Student senators overwhelmingly agreed & voted down the proposal. [It helps when all the Cornhusker offensive linemen are lobbying for "not the environmental studies program."]
(3/1) "Lincoln is called 'Lincoln' due to some serious trolling. When Nebraska attained statehood in 1867, some major shenanigans took place as residents fought over location of the state capitol. Community leaders in Omaha wanted to keep it in the river city, but there was a strong movement to relocate the capitol to a new area to be called, quite literally, 'Capitol City.' In an incredibly cynical ploy, the Omaha contingent successfully maneuvered to have the area called 'Lincoln,' hoping to undercut support for the proposal among post-Civil War Democrats. So if you thought Lincoln was named in honor of Abraham Lincoln, you were right. And wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong." [Politically incorrect Democrats. Really, really hilarious.]
(3/13) "Woman charged after bomb threat to cable company. Lincoln police say a woman has been arrested & charged w/threatening to blow up a cable company bldg after being stood up for an appointment." [C'mon, be honest. It's not like the thought hasn't ever entered your mind before.]
(4/30) "Man accused of threatening to shoot fellow bus rider. A 31-year-old Omaha man is charged w/being a felon after allegedly threatening to shoot someone on a Metro bus who asked him a question." [In all fairness, how many times is someone going to ask if he can hold your gun before it finally gets to you?]
(7/6) "One last blast. Not everyone slept in after watching fireworks on Saturday night. A crew from Lincoln Tent & Awning got up bright & early Sunday morning to tear down the dozen or so...tents they had provided for organizations that sold fireworks through the 4th...At one location, someone left an unlit artillery shell on the ground. [An employee] said he & the guys did what anyone would do at 6 a.m. the morning after Independence Day. 'We lit it off...'" [True patriots from the Heartland.]
(7/6) "Twist on tradition: baseball, hotdogs, pie, snowshoes. It should have been an easy single. After hitting a slow dribbler up the 3rd-base line, the batter turned to run toward 1st base. Two steps into the sprint--OK, actually more of a waddle--the batter fell flat on his face. Out! The batter didn't look embarrassed. Pretty much everyone takes a tumble while playing the brand of baseball unique to Lake Tomahawk, WI, where the people love to watch baseball with a twist. The players wear snowshoes. They bat & pitch in snowshoes; they run & field in snowshoes. And spectators wait for the spectacular tumbles...perhaps an even bigger attraction in the Lake Tomahawk league are the homemade pies made & donated by area residents & sold for $2 a slice." [I take back most, well many of the mean things I've thought about Wisconsin in recent years re: their treatment of Scott Walker.]
Not bad, dad. Way to keep it light.
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