JUST FOR FUN

Excerpts from Norfolk Daily News:  *

(6/2/15) "Just hunting. Police in rural northeastern Germany rushed out to track down a reported mob of up to 15 people armed with knives & sticks. Instead, they found a group of asparagus harvesters." [Those of you who know me also know that I do NOT like asparagus. Therefore, I have no sympathy for this mob. I hope the police used tear gas & tasers to disperse them.]

(6/10/15) "'Intense stare' lawsuit. Rules making it easier to file lawsuits in China have led to a new concern in China over frivolous claims, such as one in which a man said actress Zhao Wei stared at him too intensely through his TV set." [This gives me hope re: Rachel Maddow's smirk & my potential lawsuit re:  the effect it has on my mental health. Fortunately, I only catch her about once every 6-8 months when I'm channel surfing; not even sure if her network is even on the air anymore.]

(6/11/15) "Oily goo cleaned up on beaches. Seven miles of Southern California beach shut down for three days by an invasion of oily goo have reopened after health officials declared the sand & water safe following a cleanup." [A reliable source, speaking on condition of anonymity, admitted, "Periodically we have to deal with sunscreen residue. Happens every few years. What are you gonna do?"]

(7/2/15) "Antelope licenses. South Dakota Wildlife officials will make available more antelope licenses this year than in 2014 . . . " [As we were reminded ad infinitum on our 40th Anniversary Odyssey last month, it's PRONGHORNS, not ANTELOPES. I hate correcting the so-called experts. Also, just for the record, it's "bison, NOT "buffalo." You're welcome.]

From the Omaha World Herald:

(6/29/15) "Serbia unveils monument to assassin who sparked WWI. Serbia on Sunday unveiled a monument to Gavrilo Princip, whose assassination of the Austro-Hungarian crown prince in Sarajevo helped ignite World War I & still provokes controversy in the ethnically-divided Balkans." [Running a close second was an idea to erect a statue of Al Gore in honor of his invention of the Internet.]

(6/30/15) "N.Y. formalizes ban on fracking. New York has formalized its ban on high-volume hydraulic fracturing for natural gas after a 7-year environmental & health review. Dept. of Environmental Conservation Commissioner Joe Martens announced the decision Monday, saying a ban was the 'only reasonable alternative.'" [In a related story, Martens admitted that (a) there has never been any proof that New York has any natural gas reserves; & (b) this review may have been driven by resentment over North Dakota's repeated rejection of New York's requests to share tax revenues from natural gas companies by 'a sister state who shares a border with Canada.']

(6/30/15) "Man says fortune teller took $12,000, then disappeared. A fortune teller who claimed that she could rid an Omaha man of evil has disappeared--and so has his $12,000."
[What she actually told him was, "Someone you are acquainted with will come into possession of a a large sum of money."]

(7/2/15) "Why more shark attacks? More people. We're basically flooding them out of their home, one expert says." [Seems fair.]

7/3/15) "To offer eternal rest, Israel digs deep. For Jews seeking eternal rest, the most coveted real estate on Earth lies in the soil of Jerusalem. Unfortunately, the city is rapidly running out of room to bury the dead. And so it has come to pass that an Israeli burial organization has teamed with a cutting-edge construction firm to bore deep under a mountain here to created a vast underground necropolis--with elevators. Construction on phase one of the new subterranean city of the dead will hold the first 22,000 crypts, arranged floor to ceiling in 3 tiers, in a network of intersecting tunnels now being dug through the rock clay soil beneath Jerusalem's largest cemetery...The last time cave burials were en vogue in Jerusalem was around 2,000 years ago." [People are dying to get their hands on one of these crypts.]

From the Rapid City Journal:

(6/21) "Utah school creates 'texting lane' for phone-focused walkers. One Utah university is giving students glued to their cellphones a place to call their own:  a designated lane for texting while walking. The neon green lanes painted on the stairs to the gym at Utah Valley University were intended as a lighthearted way to brighten up the space & get students' attention . . . And it worked." [Why does this make me so much happier than reading about another university creating a 'free speech zone?']

* I keep a file of newspaper clippings that catch my eye.