I LOVE THE BABYLON BEE!

"After chanting all night, crowd of worshippers still can't get Moloch to answer them."

"Sixth love language revealed to be tacos."

Wherever you want to go eat is fine with me, lies wife."

"New poll shows surprisingly sizable majority of unborn babies favor overturning Roe."

"Abortionist worried he may have to become one of those doctors that helps people."

"Ketanji Brown Jackson up all night reading biology textbooks trying to figure out what everybody means by 'Women's Right To Abortion.'"

"Report:  Abortion doctor thought he had sworn 'Hypocritical Oath.'"

"Moloch warns of looming child sacrifice supply chain issues."

"Alabama girl crushed as mother explains she may never have opportunity to kill offspring."

Signs That You're a Dad

"People are complaining that you snore."

"Your jokes absolutely kill."

"You have absolutely, positively no idea where anything is stored in your house."

"You are loved way more than you deserve."

Terrifying Consequences of Overturning Roe v. Wade

"Professional hitmen will only be able to knock off children in certain states."

"Planned Parenthood workers will have to find somewhere to stab people in the head on their own time."

"Pregnant men will be forced to give birth."

"More minorities will be born."

"Hoards of unwanted babies will roam the streets, terrorizing America's cities & creating a post-apocalyptic hell-scape."

"Democrats will all simultaneously remember what a 'woman' is."

THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE FLORIDA

"Florida man leads cops on 6-county, 178 mph chase before being captured by K-9 named Zorro." Drudge Report, 5/4

CRIMINAL MINDS

"Drunken Maine man arrested after trying to hide from police under blanket:  'Is this an episode of Scooby-Doo." Drudge, 5/4