TRENDING

"Contacting alien life forms in universe could invite them to 'rule earth'." Drudge Report, 4/7

"Feeling sick? Googling symptoms actually leads to accurate diagnosis!" Ditto

"Nation of Islam calls member who killed capitol cop 'Brother with such great potential." Ditto

"Girl rushed to hospital for emergency gender reassignment surgery after showing up to school with a G.I. Joe." Babylon Bee

DHS deletes announcement of terror suspects arrested at border." Drudge 4/7

"Man receives coveted 'Husband of the Year' award after running a little bit of water over dish he used." Babylon Bee

OUR FEARLESS LEADER

"Biden bans high-capacity assault stairs." Babylon Bee

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

"Family sues after man dies in taco-eating contest." Drudge 4/7

"We all overindulge from time to time, & it's nothing to stress over. For a study that sounds more fun than most, healthy young men ate as much pizza as they could in one sitting--3,000 calories, on average. Their blood sugar didn't climb more than it would after a normal meal, & fat levels were only slightly elevated. Frequent overeating can lead to obesity, diabetes, & other issues, but the odd indulgence likely won't create major metabolic consequences." Reader's Digest, Dec 2020/Jan 2021 For the record, I confess that I am not a "healthy young man."

DEPT. OF SHAMELESS JOKE-STEALING *

* Courtesy of Reader's Digest, Dec 2020/Jan 2021

"My wife got mad at me for buying a family-size pack of Oreos for just the two of us & I was like, 'Are we or are we not a family?'

"My grandmother sewed & crocheted until she was into her 90s & her hands just couldn't do it any longer. So don't expect me to be putting this phone down anytime soon."