More Criminal Minds

TUE 12/19 . Trouble in Paradise + Flatulent Criminal + What About MY Constitutional Rights? + Squirrels Who HAVE No Constitutional Rights

From the Omaha World Herald

OWH (10/27):  "Pedestrians looking at phones may see fines. Of all the beautiful scenery to see in Honolulu, city officials want to make sure residents & tourists get a good look at the street. Honolulu this week became the largest city in the US. to make it illegal for pedestrians to look at cellphones, tablets or video games while crossing a road or highway. A 1st offense carries a fine of between $15-$35." MY COMMENT:  We don't want wealthy tourists walking obliviously into the criminal element in Waikiki.

OWH (11/11):  "Police:  Suspect's overwhelming gas shuts down interrogation. A police interrogation of a Kansas City man charged with drug & gun offenses ended prematurely when an investigator was driven from the room by the suspect's excessive flatulence. A detective reported that when asked for his address, 24-yr-old Sean Sykes Jr. 'leaned to one side of his chair & released a loud fart before answering.' Sykes 'continued to be flatulent' & the detective was forced to quickly end the interview . . . '"
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SPECIAL BLOG AFFICIONADO BONUS! 

From the Norfolk Daily News (10/27): "Benefits of eating beans include cost, health factor, versatility. Besides the fact that this is bean harvest season, it's a good time to think about incorporating this highly nutritious & health-promoting food into our meal plans . . . About the 'other' issue . . . ' According to the Nebraska Dry Bean Growers Association, when undigested carbohydrates in beans reach the large intestine, they are fermented by bacteria & form gas. But the more we eat beans, the less frequent these side effects become . . . "

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And thus the case of Sykes v. KC Police Dept. begins to wend its way toward an inevitable showdown with the Supreme Court, based on the "Flatulent but Healthy" defense.

OWH (11/8):  "More states cracking down on slowpokes in left lane. From stricter laws to public service campaigns & pleading electronic road signs, states have a message for the drivers clogging the inside lanes of the nation's highways:  Get the heck out of the way! Few things infuriate drivers more than a car or truck in a highway's left lane that isn't keeping up w/the flow of traffic . . . "  MY COMMENT:  (1) I turn 65 in JAN. I will have been driving since I turned 16. I feel that I am entitled to drive slow, regardless of what lane I'm in. (2) Truck drivers are infuriated? Oh, boo hoo hoo! I am infuriated when a semi driving above the speed limit comes barreling to within inches of my back bumper! *
* Note from LCSBL Consultants:  There is no specific mention of semi drivers being infuriated. Obviously this blogger has issues.

OWH (12/11):  "Squirrel pilfers goodies left for delivery people. An obese squirrel was caught stealing gourmet chocolate & lip balm that a family leaves outside as a holiday treat for delivery people . . . The thief seemed to be targeting the priciest stuff, including about 25 squares of Ghirardelli chocolate . . . The family set up a surveillance camera & spotted the varmint standing on a step stool, digging through the stash. Her family has devised the perfect solution to the problem. 'We now have our chocolate in a jar that requires opposable thumbs' (said the victim). She also put a bowl of treats out for the squirrel, full of walnuts, popcorn & pumpkin seeds. The rotund rodent showed his pickiness yet again . . . 'He threw all the seeds out on the porch & ate all the other stuff . . . '"  MY COMMENT;  In my experience with criminally-minded squirrels, which is considerable, they are incorrigible, felonious rodents. Nothing will stop this nefarious creature until he is trapped & force-fed kale. *
* A flaw in my plan . . . This would no doubt draw the enmity of the PETOS **.
** People for the Ethical Treatment of Obese Squirrels

From USA Today State-By-State (12/6):  

• London, KY. "Authorities say a Laurel County homeowner who came downstairs to find out why his dog was barking found a stranger in his kitchen eating ice cream."  MY COMMENT:  No word as to whether the intruder also had severe flatulence.
• Reno, NV. "Police say a woman was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving after driving the wrong way, dancing atop her SUV & attempting to flee on a kid's scooter."  MY COMMENT:  No word as to whether an Elf-on-the-Shelf witnessed this debacle.
• Provo, UT.  "Authorities say a man faces a charge of 2nd-degree felony robbery in a hotel stick-up that yield a dollar . . . "  [But officer, I needed cash for a can of beans!]