Christmas Cheer

Emoji Mirth + Scofflaw Parrots + Wandering Cows + "In the beginning"

Dept. of Shameless Joke Stealing

From Omaha World Herald, Breaking Brad by Brad Dickson (12/12):  "I saw a bell ringer with a kettle outside an Omaha store. Turns out he was collecting money to help pay off all the former coaches & athletic directors that the University of Nebraska owes." COMMENT:  You might need to be a Cornhusker FB fan to fully appreciate this humor.

From Reader's Digest, Life in These United States, (Oct '17):  "My mom sent me a text that said 'I love you,' & she ended with a poop emoji. I asked why she added the emoji. She said, 'I thought it was a Hershey's Kiss."  COMMENT:  There is a poop emoji?

Christmas Cheer *

* Or "Holiday" Cheer for those of you who may be offended for labeling a national holiday as "Christmas" . . . Wait . . . What?

NDN (11/8):  "911 call for parrot. A deliveryman in Oregon who heard a woman's screams for help had his wife call 911, but when a deputy showed up it turned out the screamer was a parrot, not a woman. It was reported that when Clackamas County Sheriff's Deputy Hayden Sanders showed up, all he found was Diego the Parrot. The green & yellow bird was in good health & no humans were involved."  

From Omaha World Herald (11/20):  "Boy returns lost wallet w/$1,700 inside. An 8-yr-old upstate New York boy is being applauded after finding a crime victim's cash-filled wallet in NYC & returning it to the man. When Frankie Burns found the wallet w/$1,700 inside, he didn't hesitate to take it to his father. Using an ID card inside the wallet, the family was able to find its owner from the hospital after a mugging."

OWH (11/27):  "Money pours in to help homeless Samaritan. A fund set up to raise money for a homeless man who helped a woman when her car ran out of gas in Philadelphia has collected more than $350,00. The GoFundMe campaign was started by Bordentown, NJ, resident Kate McClure this month after she was stuck along I-95, & Johnny Bobbitt, Jr. bought her some gas w/his last $20. McClure said she didn't have money to pay him back but she returned to his spot several times in the following days to give him cash, clothes & food. She said she then started the fundraiser, hoping to collect $10,000 to cover his housing & other expenses for him. McClure said she wishes she 'could do more for this selfless man.'"  COMMENT:  The UNL owes several former coaches & a former A.D. over $14 million in settlement payments. How about a GoFundMe account for these expenses, along w/buying out Scott Frost's contract at UCF & signing him to a multi-million $$ contract to coach our FB team? 

NDN (12/15):  "Holy cow! Wandering bovine returned to Philly nativity scene. A cow in Philadelphia apparently wanted to be away from the manger, as it escaped twice THU morning from a church's live nativity scene. Story, a 7-yr-old brown & white Hereford, was back munching hay at Old First Reformed Church of Christ by 7:15a, after 2 sets of adventures on snowy downtown streets. Police got reports of a cow near an I-95 ramp around 2:00a, THU . . . Officers put a lead rope on the cow & walked her to a nearby parking lot w/police vehicles helping shepherd Stormy back to church. But for Stormy, all was not calm & bright. She fled again around 6:00a, despite Rev. Michael Caine's best efforts to stop the 1,500 lb. animal. She then ambled toward a major thoroughfare as the morning rush got underway . . . This time, the bovine was tracked down on the 4th floor of a parking garage about a block south of the church . . . "  COMMENT #1:  Both P.E.T.M.C. * & AFSCB ** have called for the FBI to investigate. COMMENT #2:  Maybe this was a Lutheran cow?
* People for the Ethical Treatment of Manger Cows"
** Americans for the Separation of Church & Bovines

From USA Today, State-By-State (12/6):  "Maryland Baltimore:  A Johns Hopkins University physics profession will share in a $3 million prize for research on the universe's origin."  COMMENT:  To put that in perspective, that would work out to $1 million for each of the first 3 chapters of Genesis.