Tuesday Travesty...Squirrels + Weed...Retirement + Manure

Special THU Edition . . . Whimsical Wednesday

If you're patient, you'll skim through the political whimsy & get to the substance of Tuesday's Travesty!

Political Whimsy

If you're reading this, there is a reasonable chance that the world did not end on WED 11/9, contrary to what a lot of pundits predicted. [Any Biblically-literate Christian could have told you this in advance by the way, but that's a topic for a possible future devotional.]
      I have a little bit of whimsy to share, but believe me, I am not gloating. Yesterday (11/9) at our Orphan Grain Train staff devotions I explained why I brought pastries. It was NOT to celebrate who won the election. It was to celebrate who LOST the election. If you've been following any of my most recent BLAHgs, you know what I'm talking about.
      Already Facebook is brimming w/mean-spirited posts from both ends of the political spectrum. Well, that's not surprising, given most of the election cycle. Personally, I don't think either side has much to be proud of, & I'm not excluding myself. Let me just remind you yet one more time that while I did announce early & often that I was in the #NeverHillary camp, I also never endorsed "He-Whom-I-Will-Never-Endorse." Let's move on.

Re:  Tuesday's Travesty

From my favorite partisan pundit re: a topic that has nothing to do w/who won the election.  " . . . I think our democracy would be richer & our franchise more dearly held if we made voting less convenient . . . I am seeing a lot of griping about long lines at polling stations as if this is an outrage & front to democratic values. In a country where people queue up overnight for iPhones, movie tickets & ComicCon is it really such a travesty for people to wait in line & vote? By the logic of voting voluptuaries, aren't the long lines a sign of civic health?" SOURCE: "This Most Sacred Expression of Our Ideals Must Be Super Convenient!" by JG from The Corner, posted on NRO (11/8); read by me via Drudge (11/9).

As long as we're focusing on my favorite political pundit:

• "How This Became the Otherworldly Election," by JG, posted on NRO (12:00a, 11/9); read by me via Drudge, 11/9, 7:25a).
• "The Trump Era Begins," by JG from The Corner, posted on NRO (1:46a, 11/9); read by me via Drudge, 11/9, 7:28a).

One last thought:  Had "SWSHBIBN" * won the election, it would have been a crushing blow for unborn children. Literally. **
* "She-Who-Should-Have-Been-Indicted-By-Now"
** I don't have to explain this comment, do I?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

From Lincoln Journal Star (9/10): "Time to reconsider the 5-second rule . . . "
Also from LJS (9/14):  "'Five-second rule' fails under scrutiny. Exhaustive study shows how fallen food gets infected . . . "
From Omaha World Herald (9/21): "Scientists: 'Five-second rule' is gross . . . "
[I thought it might be reassuring for my own children to clarify how their mother & I interpreted & enforced our own version of the Five-Second Rule.

1. CAVEAT:  We were living on one or two parochial teachers' salaries most of the time when our children were growing up & couldn't afford to waste food.
2. The 5-second rule shall NEVER apply to lunchmeat or cheese of any kind, unless it is on top of a cracker or bread-product that lands cracker- or bread-side down on a carpeted surface.
3. Crackers & bread-products that land on tile surfaces shall be handled w/greater discretion than such products that land on carpeted surfaces.
4. Buttered-toast that lands butter-side down shall be discarded regardless of what surface it strikes.
5. Even if a cracker or bread product lands on a carpeted surface & appears to lack contamination of any kind, a parent shall use his/her mouth to blow a stream of sterilized, parent-breath across the surface of the food product, just to make sure that any contaminants have been hyper-sonically removed.
6. Expensive cuts of meat that have been thoroughly grilled, baked, fried, etc., that fall on any kind of surface shall be treated in the following manner: (a) They shall be thoroughly rinsed off, using the hottest tap water possible. (b) They shall be thoroughly dried off, using a sterile, unused paper towel or napkin. (c) They shall then be microwaved on high for not less than 1 minute before being fed to any humans.
7. Rule #6 shall be in force, even if cats appear to have reached such food products before parents could retrieve them.]

There Is No Place Like . . . Nebraska!

Also from NDN (11/8):  "Patriotism on display from Vietnam veteran. The 1st U.S. flag that Steve Keiser hung on the 80' pole 1/2 mile west of Hwy 81 on his corn field near (Fordyce) in AUG was already frayed by the day-in-&-day-out NE winds when OCT arrived. But that didn't stop him from searching for a replacement. Keiser's determination goes back 47 years to the jungles of southeast Asia.

      "When I was sitting in a foxhole waiting for an ambush back in 'Nam, these are the kind of things I thought about & decided to do when I made it home--when I survived,' Keiser said." [It would be mean-spirited of me to suggest that a group of sore-losers from one of our blue-states is organizing a field trip, so they can take a bus to this corn field & take a knee in front of this veteran's flag.] *
* This confirms that I am mean-spirited. **
** But it's still my blog.

CRIMINAL MINDS

Also from OWH (11/5):  "Rogue squirrel leaves 3 injured at retirement home. A rogue squirrel ran wild through a senior living community THU, biting & scratching residents & leaving 3 peopler injured. A staff member at the Sterling Court retirement home (Deltona, FL) called 911 THU afternoon to report that several people had been attacked by a squirrel & needed immediate medical assistance. 

      "The squirrel bit someone sitting outside the building. When the animal would not let go, the person ran into the activity room. Once inside, the animal went on a rampage. [Need I remind you that squirrels & deer rank as vermin? I think that I needn't.] During the 911 call, people in the background could be heard crying for help. A spokesman for the company that manages Sterling Court said that a resident captured the squirrel & threw it out a door. He said he did not know the fate of the animal . . . "  

• [KUDOs to the brave resident who risked life & limb to take on the savage beast.
• I imagine we'll be hearing caterwauling from P.E.T.S. * any day now.
• Too bad this didn't happen after TUE 11/8, in which case these wounded survivors could have qualified for treatment w/medical marijuana.**
• If there's any justice in the world, this vermin was immediately shot & killed by a hunter who mistook him for a deer within seconds after he was tossed out of his ill-conceived place of attack on innocent, elderly humans . . . Also, if the hunter was using a bazooka. Which I believe is legal in FL. Along w/medical marijuana.

* People for the Ethical Treatment of Squirrels

** This blogger is neither endorsing nor condemning the use of medical marijuana. ***

*** This blogger IS condemning the legalization of marijuana for recreational use.****

**** Don't bother hating me w/your "feelings." This blogger relies on logic & facts.

BRACING FOR RETIREMENT

Scenario #3

As I look toward the possibility that I will need to officially take some form of early retirement benefits, possibly as early as December 2017, I am considering some options for additional sources of income. A faithful reader of this blog * clipped the following information for me as a possible scenario.

* That would actually be me.

Also from NDN (10/13):  "Animal manure management team to host lagoon closure demonstration Nov. 1. The NE Extension Animal Manure Management Team will host a Lagoon Closure Demonstration at the Haskell Agricultural Laboratory east of Concord on TUE 11/1. The demonstration will offer a special opportunity to hear about & see the step-by-step process for planning & conducting a lagoon closure . . . "

PRO's:

• Some of you may remember when we had to pay exorbitant fees to licensed asbestos-detectives to come into our school buildings & detect sources of asbestos.
• These detectives undoubtedly made millions of dollars off the lucrative contracts from school districts & private, poorly funded Christian schools [not that I'm still bitter after all these years].
• Why not obtain my license to become a certified Animal Manure Lagoon Management Inspector & reap the financial windfall from the thousands of animal manure lagoons found through Northeast Nebraska?
• Attending this demonstration would be a helpful first step, as Concord, NE, is located within a convenient, drivable distance from Norfolk.

CON's:

1. Animal MANURE!
2. I just realized that I missed the animal lagoon closure workshop on 11/1, undoubtedly because of the stress I was under due to the upcoming election.

CONclusion:  Impossible retirement scenario.