Critic: "Blog Too Long!" Blogger: "Oh, Yeah?"

special TUE edition . . . whimsical wead

Mea Culpa *

* Yet another shameless flaunting of my multi-lingual skills

Uh, yeah. My blog has been getting out of control, as one of the members of my crack, team of blog consultants pointed out to me the other night. I don't want to embarrass her by identifying her. It's always been my policy to keep the members of my team as anonymous as possible. Let's just say she is one of the most discerning people I've ever known, & I've known her for 50 years, if memory serves correctly.

• Resolution #1:  Try to make my features pithier. Key word = "Try."
• Resolution #2:  Do my best to restore my plethora of faithful blog followers, perhaps by restoring my politically-oriented blogs to a separate day.

There Is No Place Like . . . Nebraska! . . . Texas!

From Norfolk Daily News (11/15): "A Republican senator helped his constituents get around this weekend by moonlighting as a driver for the ride-sharing service Uber. In a series of tweets, Ben Sasse of Nebraska explained his decision to get behind the wheel by saying he works 'alongside & for' the people of the Cornhusker state. He said the money he earned is going to charity . . . " [I can neither confirm nor deny that Chelsea (Clinton) also helped her mom's constituents by moonlighting as a driver for Uber, donating the money she earned to the Clinton Foundation.] *
* Did this excerpt seem a little political in nature? I apologize, IF I offended you.

Ditto (11/15):  "Never too early to plan for snowfall. Even though it's been a very pleasant fall, it's never too early to think about snow & snow emergencies. It was only 9 months ago that a foot of snow & 40+ m.p.h. winds shut Norfolk down for a few days . . . " [I didn't bother to read the rest of this article.

• Our forecast includes a possibility of 1-3" of snow on FRI 11/18 w/temperatures plunging into the 20s already tonite.
• I already have a plan for snowfall & wintry weather, but it hinges on my Florida family members agreeing to let me spend the winter months with them.] *

* Don't panic, Sarah. I'm just kidding.

From Lincoln Journal Star (11/17):  "A vast field of shale rock in West Texas could yield 20 billion barrels of oil, making it the largest source of shale oil the U.S. Geological Survey has ever assessed, agency officials said . . . " [No, Texas cast their votes for DT because they are racist, homophobic bigots.] *
* I'm kidding! I'm kidding! I have family in Texas! **
** Did I just hear someone say that this seems like another political excerpt?

Wide World of Wacky Celebrities

Tagline from Drudge Report (11/17):  "Dunham Flees to Arizona, Asks Rocks for 'Guidance' . . . " [And, no, I didn't bother to read the article.]

Bracing for Retirement . . . Scenario 4 *

* Still looks like I may have to seriously consider some form of early retirement as early as December 2016; probably no later than March 2017.

Drive for Uber

Pro's:  The damage caused by an older dude * backing into my sporty vehicle in the parking lot at El Mezcal has now been fixed, restoring the attractive qualities of my Honda Accord . . . After I accomplish my winter servicing via Jerry's Service Center in Norfolk *** within the next week or so, my vehicle will be in peak performance for winter driving . . . You can depend on me to drive you around for holiday shopping sprees in Norfolk, Battle Creek, Madison, Wayne, etc.

Con's:  I don't relish the idea of driving people around for Post-Thanksgiving sales . . . 
I'm not sure what my car insurance agent would think about this . . . I'm also not sure what my spouse would think about this . . . The extremely limited hours I would be available might limit the economic impact of this venture.

CONclusion . . . Highly unlikely retirement scenario.

* I apologize IF I have offended any older dudes **
** By "older" I mean that he was obviously older than me. I will be 64 on 1/7/17.
*** I haven't made an appointment yet. Also, I've received no remuneration for this plug for my favorite vehicle service center.

Thanksgiving Whimsy

From Omaha World Herald (10/6):  "Mall of America to close on Thanksgiving; others to follow?" . . . [Statement by P.E.T.N. *  "We can only assume that our massive demonstration at the M.O.A. on Norwegian Pride Day was the deciding factor, forcing the mall management to make this decision. We Norwegians can now sleep-in on this special day of the year, then enjoy our tasty lutefisk feasts. We applaud The Mall for its consideration of our huge ethnic presence in the Twin Cities & Beyond."]
* People for the Ethical Treatment of Norwegians.

Also from OWH (10/15):  "Seasonal Myths Debunked . . . Sugar makes kids really wired. Nope, even though many parents swear this is true . . . Eating Thanksgiving turkey makes you drowsy. You will read stories about tryptophan, an amino acid found in turkey, & how it makes you want to nap--but, in fact, chicken & beef have pretty similar amounts of the chemical. Your sleepiness is probably just from overeating, with lots of carbohydrates & a few alcoholic beverages . . . [So . . . 

1. Lois, Sarah, Rachel, Laura . . . It's OK for Papa to squirt whipped cream from the can directly into the grandkids' mouths at Thanksgiving dinner.
2. Bring on the turkey, mashed potatoes w/gravy, Lois' world famous stuffing, crescent rolls w/real butter!
3. Sweet potatoes? Sorry, they grow in ditches.
4. It's perfectly normal to take a post-Thanksgiving feast nap @ 9:00p.]