Rum Cake + Amorous Chickens + More

mental health MON . . . special TUE edition

Why I blog:  A quick refresher

1. Writing is good self-therapy.
2. I tell myself that I'm being altruistic, especially w/my mental health MON entries, by including information, commentary & insights that may benefit others.

My personal mental health update

Dear "personal mental health self-therapy journal," *
      I've continued to struggle with issues involving anxiety & some depression, brought on--I'm quite certain--by my ongoing conflict w/one of my insurance carriers, which has resulted in my loss of health insurance. In my opinion, they appear to be stone-walling me, because a formal appeal to them, which I've made, should have resulted in temporary health insurance. They appear to be stalling that appeal on a technicality. This is resulting in insomnia & increased OCD behaviors; also creating stress--in my opinion--for my dear spouse.
      Thank you for letting me vent. "Writing is [supposed to be] good self-therapy."
* a.k.a., "not so personal" mental health MON {special TUE edition} blog entry

Perfectionism:  I'm still not quite done w/this topic *

• "Perfectionism is a self-destructive & addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought:  If I look perfect, live perfectly, & do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, & blame. [As I was developing what I realize in hindsight was a bad case of burnout as head administrator of LHNE, I realize that I was increasingly trying to look & live perfectly as an administrator, resulting in MANY OCD behaviors. Example? Spending hours on tasks that previously took me much less time, like newsletters & reports.]
• "Perfectionism is self-destructive simply because there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. Additionally, perfectionism is more about perfection--we want to be perceived as perfect. Again, this is unattainable--there is no way to control perception, regardless of how much time & energy we spend trying. [This should be--& I emphasize SHOULD be--to any Christian.]
• "Perfectionism is addictive because when were invariably do experience shame, judgment, & blame, we often believe it's because we weren't perfect enough. So rather than questioning the faulty logic of perfectionism, we become even more entrenched in our quest to live, look, & do everything just right. [It creates a vicious cycle--I spent an hour putting together a memo re:  how grades should be updated in our on-line reporting system. Not every teacher "got it." Solution? Next time I spent TWO hours on a memo.]
• "Feeling shamed, judged, & blamed (& the fear of these feelings) are realities of the human experience. Perfectionism actually increases the odds that we'll experience these painful emotions & often leads to self-blame:  It's my fault. I'm feeling this way because 'I'm not good enough.'

"To overcome perfectionism, we need to be able to acknowledge our vulnerabilities to the universal experiences of shame, judgment, & blame; develop shame resilience; & practice self-compassion. When we become more loving & compassionate w/ourselves & we begin to practice shame resilience, we can embrace our imperfections. It is in the process of embracing our imperfections that we find our truest gifts:  courage, compassion, & connection . . . [But as Christians, are we really supposed to "embrace our imperfections?" Well, maybe a correct way to look at it is this way. We should lay our imperfections at the foot of the cross.]

      " . . . I think perfectionism exists along a continuum. We all have perfectionistic tendencies. For some, perfectionism may only emerge when they're feeling particularly vulnerable. For others, perfectionism can be compulsive, chronic, & debilitating, similar to addiction . . . "  (pages 57-58) [Once again, in hindsight I've been able to recognize that as I became increasingly vulnerable while I was becoming ever more burned out, I was becoming ever more compulsive, & my OCD, perfectionist behaviors & attitudes were becoming more chronic, debilitating, & similar to addiction . . . which was very destructive not only to me but to those I served & those in my family.]

MY COMMENTS:  See comments in brackets.

* SOURCE:  The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be & Embrace Who You Are," by Brene' Brown, Ph.D., L.M.S.W. (Hazelden), 2010.

Reasons to feel optimistic...upbeat...hopeful...cheerful

From Lincoln Journal Star (9/14): "Sept. 20: National Punch Day/Rum Punch Day. You pick which holiday to celebrate. According to History.com punch was invented as a beer alternative in the 17th century by men working the ships for the British East India Co . . . the beer held in cargo bays grew rancid & flat, so on shore the sailors created new drinks out of ingredients indigenous to their destinations--rum, citrus & spices." [How about . . . RUM CAKE?]

Also OWH (9/18):  "Harvard prof says laziness is in our nature . . . " [One less thing to feel shame or guilt about. It's in my DNA! SEE related comments re:  perfectionism above.]

fitbit update

TUE 9/13:  7,017 steps
WED 9/14:  9,911
THU 9/15:  9,581
FRI 9/16:  13,528
SAT 9/17:  9,094
SUN 9/18:  8,988
MON 9/19:  7,048

1. I've blogged before that physical exercise can be very therapeutic for those struggling with depression and/or anxiety.
2. This should make you feel important. Although I am under no obligation, by posting my results I am in effect making myself accountable to you.
3. My goal is 10,000 steps per day . . . or should I say, fitbit has mandated my goal to be 10,000 steps per day. * You can see that I came very close several times this past week. When I got back after taking Sammy for his evening stroll, I discovered just how close I had gotten. Had I known how close, I most likely would have taken another lap down to the end of the block & back. Or not. [SEE entry above re:  laziness.]
4. A point in my favor:  Several of these dates were travel days which included time in the car back-&-forth between Lincoln & Norfolk.
5. Another point in my favor:  Several of these were also rain dates.

* Who died & made them king?

Reasons to feel depressed...distressed...oppressed

From Omaha World Herald (9/15):  "Kissing chickens can be bad for your health, CDC warns . . . " [The idea of kissing poultry is revolting to me, but I have friends & acquaintances in Wayne, NE, home to the internationally acclaimed Chicken Festival, so I include this warning out of distress for them, since I've heard rumors about how amorous that weekend can become.]

From Parade Magazine, "Boost Your Flu IQ" (9/18): " . . . So what can you do to beat the flu?

1. "Get the Flu Shot." [Which I did over the weekend. Alas, they did not have serum-coated sugar cubes available . . . & my shoulder is still a little sore.]
2. "Dry Your Hands. You already know that frequent hand-washing is crucial during flu season. But drying them properly is just as important." [Seriously? And all these years I thought drying my hands on my shirt & pants after using public washrooms was an acceptable hygiene practice.]
3. "Stop Touching Your Face. One study reported that people touched . . . their mouth & nose 3.6 times per hour . . . " [Sorry, honey. There will be no kissing during flu season. What's that? Yes, I suppose you can still slap me for making smart-alecky comments. Or mentioning you in my blogs.]
4. "Stay Away From Sick People." [Wait . . . What?! Said my wife, the 1st grade teacher.]

Taglines from Drudge Report (9/20): [I was too anxious to read the articles that followed.]

• "Creepy Clown EPIDEMIC . . . " [Actually, I personally have nothing against clowns, but I've seen the devastating effect they can have on little children. Even teens. Especially millennials.]
• "Election 'Depressing' . . . " [Or as my son would say, "Thank you, Captain Obvious."]
• "'Internet addiction' sign of larger mental health issues . . . " [If you're reading my blog altering spending 6 hours on the Internet . . . this applies to you.]