Collectibles + Olive Oil + Bad Behavior

whimsical WED

Wednesday Whimsy

Speaking of hobbies, my earliest hobby was collecting rocks & minerals. It started on a family vacation to the Mesabi Range in MN--Summer of 1960. We visited an open pit iron mine [Do they even operate any more?], plus a museum. The red gravel everywhere piqued my interest, & my dad explained that the red coloring came from iron ore, so I grabbed a handful & that was the beginning of my rock & mineral collection.
      The next summer our family vacation took us to the Black Hills, & we toured a gold mine in either Lead or Deadwood. We were allowed to take a sample of "gold-ore"--I'm guessing it was either fool's gold or back when the price of gold was so low that no one was operating gold mines. Anyway, not only did I bring back a sample of "gold ore," I also bought a small, souvenir rock & mineral collection, which I kept for years. Don't know whatever happened to it & would give just about anything to have it back.
      And then there were baseball cards. We all collected baseball cards:  Topps bubble gum cards, baseball cards off the back of cereal boxes. I never came close to getting a whole year's collection, never worried about keeping my cards in pristine condition, & eventually sold my collection to my little brother for a pittance. There may have been some true, collectors' items in that collection . . . maybe someday I'll get a nice, fat check from him when his conscience has bothered him long enough.

From Parade Magazine (7/10): "Robots, Gnomes & Beatniks--OH MY! What makes collectors tick?" [It's going to seem like I'm making fun of these people--probably by including my LAMENESS RATING SCALE--but don't be fooled. Just by including this feature, it may be an indication of grudging respect . . . or not.]

• "Heidi Manley. What she collects: Desk Service Bells. How many she has:  46." MY LAMENESS RATING 4.5 on 5.0 scale. Very unique. Who distracts the desk clerk while she purloins the desk bells? Inquiring minds want to know.
• "Justin Pinchot. What he collects: Toy robots, vintage cars, microphones, wristwatches." LAMENESS RATING 4.0. I suspect he may have trouble focusing--so I feel some empathy.
• "Bruce Tyler. What he collects: Exotic beads. "How many he has: Thousands of individual beads & several hundred strands of beads." LAMENESS RATING 3.0
• "Susan Kaufman. What she collects: Kissing Dutch figurines. How many she has: 7 complete sets, including a gay couple. I only collect ones that are separate figures designed for show--no salt & pepper shakers, for example."  LAMENESS RATING 2.5 I'm not a hater! It's just that I picture their eyes following me every time I walk past them.
• "Ellen Feig. What she collects: Kreiss & Co. Psycho Ceramics. How many she has: Close to 30."  LAMENESS RATING 4.0  A little creepy but also pretty unique.
• "Elias Schendler. What he collects: Garden gnomes. How many he has: 37--I want to wind up w/100." LAMENESS RATING 2.0 I'll bet this would annoy the neighbors more than my crabgrass.

It strikes me that this feature may be somewhat mean-spirited, so I'll divulge my adult-collections, which are somewhat pathetic.

• Rubber bands. I subscribe to both a morning newspaper & the Norfolk Daily News. One of those newspapers always comes with a rubber band. Both of them used to.
• Hotel soap, shampoo & conditioner. DISCLAIMER:  I use them up--haven't had to buy any for probably 8 years at least.
• Coffee cups. I used to have them hanging on the wall until my wife redecorated. Favorites include {a} a National Parks anniversary mug, which I got as a present. I did not purchase it at a National Park, but it reminds me of Lois & my 40th anniversary odyssey--summer of 2015--to the Grand Tetons & Yellowstone. {b} 2 cups we obtained in Hawaii, including a free cup we got at Hilo Hattie's on the Big Island--both made in China?!; {c} a large, yellow, to-do list cup, which I got as a perk from the LHNE music groups on one of our spring trips when I drove the equipment van; it came w/a special marker, so I actually could have used it as a to-do list, but I lost the marker; {d} "My wife is a 10." For obvious reasons.

Food for Thought

From Omaha World Herald (9/19): "Olive oil frees man's head stuck at jetty ahead of incoming tide. A man who got stuck head-first between two rocks at a Rhode island jetty while trying to retrieve his cellphone was rescued with the help of olive oil . . . firefighters & police spent most of the afternoon trying to free him before the tide came in. After about 2 hours they were able to remove him by using olive oil." [More convincing proof that the Mediterranean diet can result in a longer life.]

Special Feature for English Majors

Dept. of Dialogue from Favorite Comic Strips

Pearls Before Swine, OWH (8/30):

Goat: Do you ever think about why we choose to kill certain animals & let others live?

Rat:  How do you mean?

Goat:  Well, if cows could write poetry, would we still kill them?

Rat:  I'd kill them faster.

Pause

Rat:  Snooty cows.

Ditto, OWH (8/31):

Rat & Zebra are sitting at a lunch counter.

Rat:  Goat thinks that if cows could write poetry we wouldn't kill them & eat them.

Zebra:  I suppose that's true. How could we destroy such literary talent?

Pause while scene shifts to include Cow at opposite end of lunch counter.

Last frame. Cow is writing poetry:

"Roses is red, Violets is blue, Plees don't shoot, Moo moo moo moooooo.

Ditto. OWH (9/14)
Goat: Every time I get depressed about people's intelligence I see a story that gives me real hope.
Rat: Like what?
Goat: Like this story. It says book sales are up for the first time in 9 years.
Rat: What's driving the sales? History books? Science books?
Goat: Adult coloring books.
Goat: (Pause) We're ****** doomed.
Pig: Look. Reading learns me.

Political Whimsy

Re: She-Who's-Health-Shall-Not-Be-Questioned-While-the-Mental-Health-of-Her-Supporters-Is-Open-to-Question-Since-They-Appear-To-Be-Living-in-La-La-Land

From Minneapolis Star Tribune Letters to the Editor (9/4):  "I'm a suburban piano teacher. I vote in all national, state & local elections, but that is about the extent of my political activity. I'm trying to wrap my head about the MST's contention that a philanthropic foundation conflicts w/political office. Leave aside the issue that, if this foundation shuts down, innumerable people--the majority probably being children--will suffer. (Apparently those calling for its demise are unconcerned about this consequence.) The Clintons are not benefitting financially from contributions to their foundation. What dicey scenario might be imagined? Let's say a contributor country expects a return on an investment. How would that threat work? 'Give us what we want, or you'll never get that school for underprivileged children built.' What absurdity!"

Ditto (9/4):  "The Clinton Foundation has provided life-saving assistance all over the world. Over the years, hundreds of millions of dollars have been raised from countries far & wide. If organizations like the Clinton Foundation didn't exist, more of our tax dollars would be used to assist those who are in extreme poverty & oppression. If, as secretary of state, Hillary Clinton had the ability to access billionaires who are willing to contribute to make the world a better place, I admire her ability to do so, I see it as an asset that she has these kinds of connections. But it's a crime?"

Re:  He-Who-Lives-in-a-Country-which-Has-Afforded-Him-Opportunities-to-Get-Rich-Beyond-His-Wildest-Dreams-and-Provide-Him-with-Police-Protection-so-that-American-Flag-Loving-Patriots-Don't-Jump-Out-of-the-Stands-and-Try-to-Pummel-Him *

From "No Respect for National Anthem Hater," by Brent Bozell & Tom Graham, posted on MRC News Busters (9/3); I read it on 9/8:  "'I am not going to stand up & show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people & people of color,' Kaepernick answered. 'There are bodies in the street & people getting paid-leave & getting away with murder ' . . . Seventy-nine police officers have been killed in the line of duty this year. It's unclear if this means a thing to Kaepernick."

* Not that any aforementioned patriots that I know would attempt to do this, given their love for our flag & the country & freedoms, including freedom of speech, which it represents.

More political whimsy

From Norfolk Daily News (9/19):  "Congress works to prevent shutdown. Driven by a desire to free up endangered lawmakers to campaign, congressional negotiators are working to quickly complete a spending bill to prevent an election season government shutdown & finally provide money to battle the threat of the Zika virus." [I'm so glad that our country's leaders are staving off a government shutdown & battling a public health crisis for altruistic reasons. Wait . . . what?]

Also from OWH More Commentary by Bob Schieffer (9/20):  " . . . If they (HC & DT) do get out of line, the moderator must remind them--forcefully, if necessary--that voters expect them to abide by rules they both agreed to. And one final tip to moderators:  If the candidates start throwing things, just dive under the table. Considering what we've seen this year, we'll all understand."

• [This makes me wish that my wife, the trained, Love & Logic expert & experienced 1st grade teacher was serving as moderator. It seems to me that years ago she used to have kids who weren't getting along sit next to each other, holding hands, until they were ready to be nice to each other.
• Another possible tactic if candidates "get out of line:"  Make them stop & say 10 nice things about the other before they continue.
• This also makes me regret that we won't get to see the Green Party candidate on stage. Who wouldn't love to see spray paint flying around if things got out of hand?]