My superior IQ + Evil Bathrooms + Exclusive Political Content

frightful Friday

G.O.M.E.R. *

* Grumpy Old Men & Their Elucidating Rants

Rant #1:  Global Climate Change . . . I am grateful for two things:

1. There is no such thing as "settled science" . . . Right? . . . Right?!
2. Those who are 100%, absolutely, positively confident in Global, Climate Change at least are reasonable human beings, willing to listen to the other side, not prone to hysterical over-reaction . . . Right? . . . Right?!

Tagline from Drudge Report (4/12): "Prof.: "Climate change deniers deserve punishment' . . . '" [Full disclosure: I didn't read the article. *]

* Who has time to read fol-de-rol ** like this?

** I'm not sure that this is an actual word, but I've used it before, & I like it, & . . . as I keep having to remind you . . . it's my blog!]

Rant #2:  Facebook "Quizzes" . . . Why Do I Let Myself Get Sucked Into Them?

This usually happens to me after Lois & I finish our evening devotions. This happens @ bedtime, & I used to fuss at her, because she immediately turns to an i-gadget for her reading source, while I have stuck to printed sources [which I say is scriptural . . . after all, the Bible is a printed resource, right?!]. I say "used to fuss at her," because I have read in many, many places that it is NOT conducive to good sleeping habits for someone to read off of any kind of e-screen before trying to go to sleep at night . . . yet now I've gotten into the habit of doing some FB browsing before I turn to my printed resources. 
      Anyway, here comes my rant, which is directed at myself as much as Facebook Quizzes. Lately, it seems like we've encountered a relatively new phenomena, which any of you are free to point out is NOT relatively new &, by implication, we're relatively old, that are totally, "unscientific analyses" posing as "quizzes." When you follow the links, you don't get a quiz. It generates an "answer" from who knows what source(s). Examples include:

• "Who Do I Love To The Moon & Back?" My answer? Not my spouse, whom I would have liked to have seen, but a close familial member, whom I do love, but . . . 
• "Who Is Your Strangest Friend?" My answer? A brother in law . . . My comment? I've never considered him to be strange, but his children? That's another comment for another time . . . 

      But I digress . . . What got me hooked was a "quiz" with the impossible-to-resist question:  "What Is Your IQ?" My answer? 146. Now, don't get me wrong. That's not an unimpressive score. However, as other people's scores started showing up, I was soon cast upon a heap of depression, because I was seeing Mensa-level results & being "left in the proverbial dust." When one of your own daughters outscores you . . . not to mention your spouse?! Not good for someone w/a diagnosed mood disorder.

      Then . . . total inspiration! I took the quiz again the next day. My result?  157. This score boosted me above many others. [I won't name names . . . You know who you are.] There could only be two possibilities.

• These "tests" were bogus.
• These "tests" had a higher foundation of empirical integrity than I had initially suspected.

      Once again, on a hunch, I took the quiz one more time the next day . . . Lo & behold, I scored a whopping 169. That cinched it! The analyses had an unshakable, empirical foundation that could not be discounted! The 3-day, deep depression that I had suffered? It was gone . . . No doubt at the expense of others, which caused me a pang, albeit brief, pang of regret . . . However, I had become hooked on these infernal "tests" . . . And I'm sure others have experienced the same grief.

Rant #3:  Bathrooms . . . I'm having a "little" * issue these days with laws & policies allowing boys & men to use restrooms that are/were intended for girls/women. Cirque de Soleil has announced that it will no longer perform in North Carolina. Don't believe me?  Here's the link. If you take the time to check out this link, you'll note that they still intend to perform at the Dubai World Trade Center. Dubai, of course, is a bastion of civil rights for the LGBT community. **
      And here's a post I "borrowed" from Facebook, coming from a friend. [Sorry, Friend . . . If I knew how to do a link, I'd do it.] It's a picture of Mr. Bean, scratching his head. The caption reads, "Let me get this straight:  A man being in the restroom with my li'l girl isn't wrong, but me having a problem with it, is wrong?" [Yes . . . he speaks for me.]
      Finally, here's my take on Target's recent announcement re:  their corporate policy on restrooms. Since I'm about "ranted out" ***, I'll let The Federalist do my carefully reasoned persuasion for me. Here's the link.

* Huge!
** If you think I'm sniffing out an air of hypocrisy . . . you think correctly.

*** Much to your relief, I'm sure.

Political Potpourri 

Re:  "She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named"

Here's a link that I found while browsing on National Review last SUN 4/24. The column is entitled "White Lies Matter." It's written by Matthew Continetti & was posted on 4/23. [Even though I don't need any convincing, I actually read this article.]

Re:  "He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named"

Seriously . . . since I have close friends whom I know are leaning toward this candidate, I truly hope I'm not offending you. I apologize IF I am. * I encourage you to check out this column entitled "'HWSNBN' Isn't Politically Incorrect, He's Just Wrong," written by David French via NRO, posted 4/22, discovered by yours truly while he was browsing NRO, also on SUN 4/24. Here's the link.
* Yes, I've said it before. Include the word "if" in an apology, & it becomes what is known as a "qualified" apology, i.e., a non-apology. **
** I apologize IF you are offended by this non-apology.

Re:  "He-Who-Does-Not-Yet-Have-A-Nickname" & "He-Who-Is-Both-Irrelevant-And-Clueless"

Once again I feel compelled to remind you that I have not endorsed "HWDNYHAN" for the Republican nomination [or anybody else for that matter]. Here's a Link to a column entitled "THE HILL: Maine governor: 'HWDNYHAN' campaign 'stabbed us in the back' @ state convention,' via Drudge, posted 4/23 [I found it on 4/24 . . . & for the sake of transparency, I did not read the column.] 

From OWH (4/25):  "In twist, HWDNYHAN & HWIBIAC team up to limit HWSNBN's delegate haul."

• [First, even if I WAS considering an endorsement of HWDNYHANICK . . . which I'm not saying that I am . . . this would not be a point in his favor. **
• How did this work out for him in the most recent primaries? Not well . . . ]

** This might. Check out this link . . . Please!

Re:  "He-Whom-I-Still-Say-Is-Irrelevant" & "She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named"

Never let it be said that my political musings are anything but "fair & balanced." * Here is a column I found re: "HWISSII," via the Washington Post via the Drudge Report on 4/24. The column is also dated 4/24. It's particularly amusing, since it's entitled "After 'HWISSIIs' ' supporter mentions Monica Lewinsky, 'SWSNBN' accuses his campaign of encouraging vitriol." [HWISSII . . . SWSNBN . . . Lewsinsky . . . vitriol . . . I'm laughing a little bit out loud . . .  mostly to myself . . . And I did skim through the article.]
* Did you just say it anyway? Stop reading NOW! **
** Yes, I know I'm just flattering myself.

Re:  "He-Who-Is-Both-Irrelevant-And-Clueless"

From OWH, Breaking Brad column (4/21): "HWIBIAC was photographed eating pizza w/a fork. I'm pretty sure he just lost 99% of the blue-collar vote."

Finally . . . I Promise! *

As I've shared before, I'm not above some shameless joke "borrowing. The following excerpts are from the Norfolk Daily News TV Week, late laughs feature (4/8):

• The Tonight Show w/Jimmy Fallon:  "Sarah Palin just signed a deal to act as a judge on a new reality court TV show. Sarah said she just wants to get a little legal experience  before Trump nominates her to the Supreme Court."
• Jimmy Kimmel Live:  "I know it's been said a million times, but this election is bananas. Attacking each other's wives, bragging about their private parts. Remember when John Kerry's campaign ended  because people saw a picture of him windsurfing? It was a simpler time."
• Late Night w/Seth Meyers:  "DNC head Debbie Wasserman Schultz today denied accusations that she is taking sides in the primary election season, and said, quote: 'There is no shred of evidence to suggest that I'm favoring Hillary Clinton over Bernie Socialist--I mean Bernie Sanders.'"

* DISCLAIMER:  No, I'm not being inconsistent by including names, not acronyms. First, this feature is included purely for its humorous & not political value. Second . . . & I'm getting a little tired of having to remind you . . . it's my blog.

A Cat Refuge + Stick Shifts & Divorce + Krispy Kreme Donuts + Bad Teen Choices

Whimsical Wednesday

Whimsy

From Norfolk Daily New (4/6):  "Acreage opened for thousands of cats to stay. It started w/a few kittens. But nearly a quarter century later, a California woman has transformed her 4,000-square-ft home into what's believed to be the largest no-cage cat sanctuary & adoption center in the U.S. An estimated 24,000 cats have been saved by the sanctuary, which houses up to 1,000 felines at any given time . . . " [As our last two cats grew increasingly insolent & incontinent, I grew increasingly insistent that "one of these days I'm going to find a cat refuge & release them into the wild." The girls knew it was an empty threat. Little did I know that it wouldn't have HAD to be an empty threat."]

WARNING! Contains Adult Content! From Omaha World Herald (4/7):  "Assume the 'power pose' to make your pitch perfect. When world-class athletes & gymnasts adopt a winning pose, they fill their lungs, expand their chest & raise their hands in the air.
      "It might seem crazy, but assuming such a 'power pose' before your next big interview or pitch can dispel the jitters & trick your brain into feeling you've already won,' Amy Cuddy, a Harvard Business School professor told a business audience at a sold-out 23rd annual . . . Women's Leadership Conference . . . " [Apparently she neglected to mention the rest of the athletes' power pose . . . well, the MALE athletes' power pose, which involves a lot of spitting & grabbing your crotch to adjust your athletic supporter.]

Also from OWH, Car Talk Column (4/9):  "The lone advantage of stick shift is the fun . . . " Dear Car Talk: My wife & I have been driving Japanese cars w/manual transmissions for decades. They're fun to drive, more fuel-efficient, & they never break . . . My wife has started to look for a vehicle to replace her aging Subaru Forester, & we are both stunned to find that: 1) It's hard to find cars w/manual transmissions. 2) They're more expensive. 3) They aren't as fuel-efficient as modern automatic continuously variable transmissions . . . Answer:  . . . the only legitimate reason for driving a stick shift these days is that you find it fun--which is an acceptable reason. But there's no longer a financial or environmental . . . " [Emphases added . . . I drove a pathetically, tiny Nissan something-or-other while we lived in Hawaii and, yes, it had a stick & was a LOT of fun to drive. When it was time for me to move back to the mainland ahead of Lois & the kids, there was no longer a need for her to have two cars, so we did the sensible * thing . . . We sold the Buick, which had an automatic transition, & I endeavored to teach her how to use the stick over Christmas break during those fleeting, "fun-filled days" before I abandoned my family . . . Did I mention there were many hills to traverse? Did I mention that one approach onto the street leading to our rental townhouse necessitated a turn from an uphill position, so if we were stopped, Lois had to make the turn from a standing start? And did I mention that we were counting on lots of practice at a large, relatively flat parking lot at a nearby community college . . . but the very first time we went there to practice, a security guard, driving a golf cart, chased us off the property? This was one of the severest tests our marriage had ever encountered--up to that point . . . I never, never joke about divorce . . . I'm just sayin' that Lois would have had ample grounds, because I was not, shall we say, the most patient instructor.] **
* But--in hindsight--almost tragic . . . 
** She did make enough progress before I left that I felt reasonably sure that I was not leaving her and the kids in mortal danger. ***
*** I was somewhat concerned about the clutch burning out, which, in her defense, it did not.

Food for Thought

Also from OWH (4/14):  "New look at '70s study on dietary fats stirs the pot. That rigorous study, a report now reveals, did not link heart disease to eating meat & dairy. It was one of the largest, most rigorous experiments ever conducted on an important diet question: How do fatty foods affect our health? Yet it took more than 40 yrs for a clear picture of the results to reach the public. [Emphasis added.] 
      ""The fuller results appeared late TUE in BMJ, a medical journal, & included some never-before-published data. Collectively, the fuller results to challenge the conventional wisdom re:  dietary fat that has persisted for decades & is enshrined in influential publications such as the Dietary Guidelines for Americans, the government's official diet advice book. [Red flag . . . "the government's official" dietary advice . . . "]
       "And the long-belated story of the Minnesota Coronary Experiment suggests just how difficult it can be for new evidence to see the light of day when it contradicts widely held theories . . . " [Which leads me to this next item . . .]

From Lincoln Journal Star (4/15): "Getting Krispy Kreme before school is a plus. Editor's note:  Lincoln East student Maren Miller shadowed Lincoln Journal Star features editor & dining critic Jeff Korbelik for a day, which included a trip to the new Krispy Kreme. This is her review. It seems like there is a sudden outburst of new restaurants that have been long awaited & anticipated opening up in Lincoln, one of which being the highly revered Krispy Kreme at 6410 O St. [Emphasis added.]
      "When it opened 1/19 @ 5:30a, the 1st person in line received a punch card for a free dozen glazed doughnuts once a week for a year & the next 99 got free doughnuts once a month for a year . . . " [Wouldn't you know . . . totally bad timing on my part . . . clearly a lack of communication, which I could . . . I should . . . blame on closely-related family members who live in the aforementioned city of Lincoln.]

There Is No Place Like . . . Nebraska!

Also from OWH (4/15):  "Nebraska judge:  Flying Spaghetti Monsters is parody, not faith. A judge has dismissed a Nebraska inmate's lawsuit that claimed he was denied his right to worship the divine Flying Spaghetti Monster & that he was mocked & discriminated against because of his faith . . . U.S. District Judge John Gerrard dismissed the lawsuit TUE. He said 'FSMism' is not a religion as outlined by federal law but rather 'a parody intended to advance an argument about science, the evolution of life & the place of religion in public education.'"  [Mock this man if you will, but this is yet another example of the federal government's ever encroaching attack on our religiously freedom. To be perfectly frank *, I'm surprised the LCMS didn't join in this man's defense as a "whatever-the-Latin-phrase-is-for-a-party-that-files-as-a-friend-of-the-defendant."]
* Just for the record, I despise this phrase, because it implies that there may be times when I am NOT perfectly frank. I mean, either I'm being frank, or I'm not, right?

Criminal Minds

Also from LJS (4/15):  "Lawyers: Teen treated unfairly after nude images shared. A Georgia high school senior says she was victimized twice--first when her ex-boyfriend shared nude images of her via social media & again when she was arrested for throwing water & cursing at him. The 18-yr-old student was shocked when a friend told her on 4/1 that a nude video & photos of her had been shared on the smart-phone messaging app Kik. Male classmates at Newnan High School also shared images of other female students, she says.
      "Angry & embarrassed, the teen confronted her ex-boyfriend, who she said shared the video & photos of her. She cursed at him & threw water on him, she said. A teacher saw her outburst & took her to the principal's office . . . she was suspended for the first day back after [spring] break . . . She was told to come in with her parents the following day . . . 
      "Several police officers were at the meeting TUE. After a brief conversation, she shook & cried as an officer told her to stand up & put handcuffs on her, she said. She was charged w/disruption of a public school . . . The misdemeanor is punishable by up to a year in prison & a fine of up to $5,000, said her attorney . . . 
      "Newnan police Deputy Chief Rodney Riggs said the charge was appropriate because a large group of students gathered around when she confronted her ex. 'It took a number of faculty & staff to regain order & get people moving along to their classes, so there was a disruption to the school,' Riggs said. "The girl has also been kicked out for the rest of the school yr & it's not clear whether she'll be allowed to graduate . . . ' 
      "The police report says the teen walked up to her ex in the center of campus, threatened to kill him & threw a water bottle at him."  [It's going to take a few bullet points to complete my thoughts about this one.]

• My first reaction? Don't let your boyfriend take nude pictures of you . . . but that strikes me as being self-righteous . . . not to mention common sense . . . but in today's world . . . 
• At Lutheran High Northeast, this young man's actions would have been a violation of several school policies, making him equally guilty . . . possibly more so.
• Oh, & we had policies about cursing, too.
• "Disruption of a public school?" And his actions didn't cause a disruption?
• In my deeply imaginative reflections, I picture myself, as the teacher, confiscating this young man's phone, seeing the video, confiscating this young lady's water bottle, and throwing it at the young man myself!
• She may not be allowed to graduate? . . . Oh, she threatened to kill him . . . Never mind . . . 
• Unfortunately, I have a gut feeling that this young man is a hero among a certain class of people at this high school . . . but there I go being judgmental again.
• In retrospect, I maybe should have saved this for my new G.O.M.E.R. feature on my frightful FRI blog entry. *

* Yes, this is a shameless promotion for my frightful FRI blog entry. G.O.M.E.R., you ask? Grumpy Old Men & Their Elucidating Rants.

A New Feature . . .                                                         The Wonderful, Wide World of Wacky Celebrities

Tagline from Drudge Report (4/14):  "Katy Perry wins a victory in battle to buy nuns' convent . . . " [To be perfectly frank, I did not read the article, so I cannot say whether any nuns were included in the purchase price.]

Worship the Creator...Not the Creation!

Walking in the Truth . . .                                                        

A (Late) Meditation about Earth Day

Today's Devotional Thoughts

Earth Day 2016 was observed on FRI 4/22. Please do not hold the following against me . . . because it dates me! I remember the first Earth Day observance in 1970.

I was a junior at St. Paul's College High in Concordia, MO. We had an assembly & watched a movie. I can't remember much [actually hardly anything] about the movie, except that it had some wonderful graphics & preached the necessity of caring for the environment. I was moved by it . . . and convinced.

Today's Scriptural Truths

"In the beginning God created the heavens & the earth . . . So God created man in His own image. In the image of God He created him; male & female He created them. God blessed them & said to them, 'Be fruitful & increase in number; fill the earth & subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea & the birds of the air & over every living creature that moves on the ground.'" . . . God saw all that He had made, & it was very good."  Genesis 1:1, 31a

"To Adam [God] said, 'Because you listen to your wife & ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it. Cursed is the ground because of you; you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns & thistles for you, & you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are & to dust you will return.'"  Genesis 3:17-19

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands."  Psalm 19:1

"The creation waits in eager expectation, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay & brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time." Romans 8:19-22

More Devotional Thoughts

So here we are . . . & here I am . . . 46 years after that first Earth Day. Is the Earth in better or worse shape than it was in 1970? By everything we read & hear in the media--particularly re:  global climate change--we are in MUCH worse shape . . . & things are going to get a lot worse before they get better.

And why shouldn't they? Go back & look at the scriptural truths I've chosen for today's meditation. It wasn't just humankind that was affected by our ancestors' wicked choice to go against the one & only commandment that He gave them in the Garden of Eden . . . After God finished creating everything, He proclaimed that all of it wasn't just "okay," wasn't just "as good as could be expected" . . . it was very good! [I think He called Adam & Eve's home the "Garden of Eden?!"] 

All of creation suffered from that ill advised decision . . . No, men, you can't put all the blame on Eve. God held Adam accountable, too. If you go back & read the saddest chapter in the Bible--Genesis 3--you'll be reminded that Eve handed the fruit to Adam after she tasted it . . . Apparently, he was right there beside her when it happened . . . So when God started handing out consequences, the snake suffered . . . Eve suffered . . . Adam suffered . . . 

And all of creation suffered . . . and still suffers today, according to the Truth found in St. Paul's letter to the Romans . . . & to us, as well, in 2016.

Is global climate change the result of human activity? Well, I choose not to go there for the sake of this devotion . . . The issue is too shrouded in politics . . . Well, let me qualify myself . . . From a theological perspective, forget about carbon emissions . . . One has to conclude that, yes, any deterioration of the planet can be traced to that fateful bite of the forbidden fruit.

The solution to global climate change? Ah, now that's a subject for a political debate . . . or is it? Actually, it's going to take Christ's return & a "new heaven & a new earth" (Rev. 21:1) to ultimately "cure" the deterioration of the planet. Meanwhile, here are my closing devotional thoughts.

• God commanded humankind to "fill the earth & subdue it . . . rule over it." Notice that He did NOT tell us to exploit it . . . Big difference.
• As I've been watching a documentary entitled "The West," one of the themes that it's been hammering has been the exploitation of the natural resources that was part of & continues to be the settling of the West . . . If you watch the documentary [I accessed it via Netflix], you will note that it may be politically correct . . . but you will also be appalled, I think . . . maybe even a little depressed, as I've been, at the toll taken upon the earth by greed & lack of concern about the earth which God told us to manage, not exploit.
• Moving to the other extreme is a tendency to give reverence to "Mother Earth." There is no such thing as Mother Earth . . . and I think [Disclaimer:  Paul's speculation coming up!] that any efforts to manage global climate change hearken back to biblical accounts of the Tower of Babel [SEE Genesis 11.] . . . Who are we in our arrogance to think that we can actually change the climate?
• So, I'll recycle paper & hang up my towels in hotels for the sake of practicing good stewardship of the earth's resources & NOT to save the planet, thank you very much!
• The history of humankind & its myriad cultures is a history of the worship of many objects other than the one true God--the God of Holy Scripture--& sadly that has included the idols of Mother Earth & creation, including animals, water, weather, trees, "sacred" rocks, buffalo . . . I think you get the point.

God in His mercy solves this problem . . . by sending His one & only Son Jesus Christ to save us from our natural inclination to seek after any other gods besides the True God. And so by His grace we are led to faith in Jesus as our Lord & Savior . . . forgiven . . . And we are blessed to worship the True Creator & not His creation.

One More Scriptural Truth

"In the beginning was the Word, & the Word was with God, & the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. through Him all things were made; without Him nothing was made that has been made. In Him was life, & that life was the light of men. The light shies in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it."  John 1:1-5

Today's Prayer Thoughts

Give thanks & praise the Lord for the marvels of His creation. Thank & praise Him for sending Jesus His Son to win for us the forgiveness of our sins, including our poor use of His creation. Ask Him to bless us with the proper use of the blessings of His creation.

Road Trips + Mental Health...Reasons to be Depressed & Anxious

Mental Health Monday

Road Trips

Road trips have played a part in my "mental health history." I have been drawn to road trips for as long as I can remember . . . well before I was clinically diagnosed w/chronic depression. Hitting the road, especially the "wide open spaces", & finding solitude where I could find time for myself & my thoughts . . . well, let's just same that I have found solace in these trips. Here are some of my memorable road trips.

• A retreat to the White River KOA next to the Badlands . . . I think this may have been in September 2004 or 2005. Lois & I had "discovered" this KOA when we made this a stop the summer after Sarah graduated from LHNE & we took the girls on a trip to the Badlands & Black Hills. I fell in love with this locale, because of the isolation & "rustic" setting The Badlands hold some kind of attraction to me . . . not sure what that says about me . . . Anyway, after the "school season" began toward the end of July, beginning of August, things always got intense . . . In fact, I find myself too mentally tired this morning to go over all the responsibilities that made it thus . . . Suffice it to say that by the time we got past Beef Blast, I needed solace. I took the better part of a week off & hit the road . . . I took along camping supplies so I could cook my own meals, make my own coffee in the morning, pack my own lunches . . . I had a devotion book that involved excerpts from Martin Luther's writings . . . a bunch of my favorite magazines, compliments of the LHNE library [being principal had its perks] . . . maybe a book or two . . . and I don't think I brought along any school-related work.

        I got up early so I could sit on the front porch of the Kamping Kabin, drink coffee, enjoy the sunrise & read . . . I drove into the Badlands & hiked . . . I made one foray into the Black Hills, drove Needles Highway & did some more hiking . . . The KOA was in the process of shutting down for the season . . . I practically had the place to myself . . . Trees had been trimmed & there was an ample supply of wood for campfires, so I could build a campfire each evening [something about campfires that make them a time for self-reflection, as well]. Looking back, I'm pretty sure I was experiencing a depressive episode or maybe a "mini-burnout" . . . I still love this place & would go back again, if it wasn't a 6-hour drive one way. [Lois & I have returned for subsequent camping trips.]

• Benedictine Monastery near Schuyler, NE, north & east of Columbus . . . This was a few days'-retreat I took one summer when Lois was at a Sister Bash, I think . . . a very unique setting, I must say . . . Yes, a Lutheran boy spending time at a Benedictine Monastery, but one that had come recommended by other LCMS church workers . . . The accommodations were Spartan . . . no cable TV . . . NO TV! . . . but delicious meals were served in the cafeteria . . . served & eaten in silence . . . There was a library, & I read a book that was my first "deep" exposure to a Bible "scholar" who wrote from a historical-critical approach to the Hebrews conquest of Canaan. [Suffice it to say that it was nowhere close to the tradition--& truthful accounts of the Exodus & Joshua narratives found in Scripture.]

      There was a pond . . . It had a paved walkway around it w/benches located at intervals . . . perfect for meditative walks & reading . . . There were catfish--big catfish--which fed along the edges--& I confess that I wish I had brought fishing gear with me . . . Alas, I saw no evidence that fishing was part of the "program" . . . Also a "Stations of the Cross" trail located nearby . . . I picked up a "trail guide" & savored a "meditative" hike one day . . .  I also enjoyed [appreciated?] a brief conversation with a priest one evening before supper . . . Other than that, there was no encouragement to engage in conversation . . . Once again, the solitude was very appealing to me . . . as was the unique experience . . . Did I mention the part about a Lutheran boy in a Benedictine monastery?

• One year shortly after we got through the intensity of the opening weeks of the school season, I took off for a few days retreat to Camp Luther, a ministry of the NE District, also located in the vicinity of Schuyler & Columbus . . . Part of the appeal, besides the solitude again . . . was the price . . . There was the standing offer of free accommodations for LCMS church workers if lodging was available, which it was . . . I stayed in a duplex cabin for a few days . . . again, very Spartan accommodations, which I welcomed . . . Cooking was done in an adjacent building . . . The downside? Wasps in the "cooking cabin" . . . Nights were chilly, but I was comfortable in my sleeping bag . . . I hiked most if not all of the trails . . . I had brought my "quiet time" reading materials, along with my own personal reading . . . No school-related "business"

      Once again, the same things appealed to me . . . Isolation . . . Time for me to get away from the things that--in hindsight--most likely were contributing to a depressive episode, possibly another "mini-burnout" . . . An opportunity for self-reflection . . . meditation & prayer . . . A retreat in the literal sense of the word . . . Quite likely.

• Last April 2015, while Lois was attending the NETA Conference in Omaha w/the CLS faculty, I took a brief road trip "out West" . . . I fished part of an afternoon at a state recreation area along I-80 near Kearney [one or two possible nibbles over the course of 2+ hours; no, I am not one who enjoys fishing just for the "experience"--fishing w/o "catching" is like drinking de-caf coffee, but I digress] . . . an overnight stay in Kearney . . . followed by a jaunt north into the Sandhills into unchartered territory for me . . . I drove into the National Wildlife Refuge & made a few stops near the Sandhill lakes . . . Naturally I stopped & read historical markers . . . I drove into the Samuel McKelvie Unit of the Nebraska National Forest [You didn't know we have National Forests in Nebraska? Shame on you!] . . . On a whim, I spent the night in Valentine after getting Lois' blessing . . . On my way home I detoured to the north . . . I drove through an area along the Niobrara River that had been devastated by a forest & range fire several years before [part of another road trip, but this entry is turning into a beast] . . . I "discovered" a "ghost town", as identified on a road map--a place I had wanted to visit for some time [Let's just say that if there would have been a fee for admission, I would have been disappointed.] . . . Had lunch at the Range Cafe in Bassett & checked out the "historical" Bassett Lodge, which convinced me that someday Lois & I needed to spend time there . . . 

      The same elements that appealed to me about previous road trips appealed to me on this road trip . . . 

• I took another quick road trip during Lois' NETA Conference last week, THU & FRI, limiting myself to a brief excursion to Yankton, SD, just an hour's drive straight north of Norfolk . . . I "discovered" a fish hatchery & very tiny yet informative aquarium on the South Dakota side of the Missouri River . . . was disappointed to find out that the Dakota Territorial Museum doesn't open until May 1 . . . hiked across the historic Meridian Bridge, which crosses the Missouri River . . . all the way across on the lower level, then all the way back on the upper level . . . savored the historical markers that were on the bridge . . . greatly enjoyed the seafood buffet @ Jo Dean's on Friday night . . . left the laptop power cable & charger in the hotel room & had to make a return trip yesterday. 

      I'm not sure I'm in a depressive episode, although I have been feeling a little down this past week . . . It just felt good to hit the road, albeit briefly . . . & did I mention crab legs . . . all-you-can eat crab legs?!

Exercise & Depression *

It's conventional wisdom--also well-documented [just take my word for it]--that exercise is very beneficial for relieving depression & anxiety. My walking routine understandably diminished during the first several weeks especially while I was recovering from my hip replacement. In fact, I ditched my fitbit . . . What was the point?
      However, beginning last MON 4/18, when I returned to the OGT offices, I started wearing my fitbit again. I actually recorded 5,000 steps that first day, which I accomplished by walking back & forth to the break room for coffee & snacks [not good & not recommended], the copier room, other offices . . . also by running errands & walking in parking lots & stores.
      On THU 4/21, when I hosted my favorite 12-year-old niece, I went over 10,000 steps for the first time since before my surgery, thanks to multiple errands & a hike in our neighborhood . . . on FRI 4/22, I recorded over 10,000 steps again, thanks to my round-trip hike across the Meridian Bridge [SEE "Road Trip" feature above.] 
     While I'm beginning to discern that this particular Mental Health Monday entry might be more for my own self-therapy, you can consider this my "public service" feature for today. 
* Also a "stealth" fitbit update.

Reasons to be Anxious? Or Not . . . 

Taglines from Drudge Report (4/24):

• "PAPER: How FACEBOOK plans to taker over the world . . . " [Couldn't bring myself to read the article.]
• "CLAIM: 'Toxic' Friendships Can Lead to Heart Diseases, Cancer . . . " [Ditto.]

"Muslim Migrants in Germany Chant 'Adolf Hitler' & "Allalu Akbar' . . . " [Ditto . . . & please don't call me a "Hater."]

From Omaha World Herald (4/14): "Radioactive boars are overrunning farmland in Fukushima". [I couldn't bring myself to read the subsequent article . . . and now I feel guilty, but Fukushima is in Japan, not Nebraska.]

From Norfolk Daily News Ask the Doctor (4/14):  "Dear Dr. Roach: Among individuals who die from heart attacks in their sleep, is there any statistical evidence that more of them were sleeping on their left or right side? Answer: Surprisingly, there is: Sleeping on the left side is more associated w/risk of heart attack. Another study showed that sleeping on the right side showed more vagal stimulation, which is associated w/healthy hearts . . . Sleeping position also has an effect on breathing, w/people sleeping on either side being less likely to stop breathing from obstructive sleep apnea than people who sleep on their backs . . . " [Although I was given a sleep apnea test @ the Mayo Clinic a few years ago--& "passed"--I have to say that this still makes me a little anxious. Why? Because of my hip replacement, I've been forced to sleep on my back for weeks & probably will continue to sleep on my back for several weeks to come . . . It also seems to me that I tend to sleep on my left side more often than my right side under "normal" circumstances.]

A Reason to be Depressed? Or Not . . . 

A week or so ago I encountered a "feature" on Facebook that encouraged me to test for my I.Q. Foolishly, I fell for this gambit. My first result? A score of 146. I was devastated, especially as other family members began posting scores well above my pathetic result . . . However, the next day I sucked it up & tried again . . . Lo & behold, I scored a 157 . . . That was more like it, I told myself . . . Admittedly, a seed of doubt was beginning to form in my mind for multiple reasons * . . . The next day I decided to try this "test" one last time . . . I scored a whopping 169! . . . My conclusion? Without a doubt this test had proven to me that it had obviously been concocted by some of the leading empirical brain researchers currently in the field of, well, brain research . . . Obviously.
* My lowly score on Day 1 made me wonder if I was failing to follow the directions correctly until my spouse--who [for the sake of full disclosure scored higher than I did] pointed out that this "game" did not involve a quiz, just an "analysis". **
** And my lengthy career as an educator, along with extensive experience reading & otherwise studying educational research, coupled w/{close to} multiple higher-educational, advanced degrees led me to honest suspicion of the inherent flaws of I.Q. tests & scores. ***
*** One last aside. Our parents, who were both teachers & had access to my siblings' & my achievement test & I.Q. scores, consistently refused to share the results with us {at least w/me}. They DID consistently let ME know that I consistently earned grades well below my potential. Thank you, Dad & Mom, for contributing to my low self-esteem! ****
**** Seriously, I'm over it . . . for the most part . . . & I love my father & mother.

Fu Fu Coffee + The Delicate Subject of Strong Drink

EXCLUSIVE! HILL FAMILY REUNION 2016

A Recap

Last SUN 4/17, I began what I think will be a series of SUN blog entries that contain guidelines for those planning or considering the Hill Family Reunion this summer in the Twin Cities. As I shared last week, I feel duty-bound to share these guidelines especially for those of the younger ilk; also those who are planning or considering a Hill Family Reunion for the first time. Finally, as I shared last week . . . 

• If you think I misstated or misinterpreted any guideline . . . 
• If you think a guideline is wholly a fabrication of my mind [& remember . . . I have one or more diagnosed mood disorders} . . . 
• If you think I am violating the privacy of this family by divulging family legend or lore that is/was meant to be shared exclusively by, among, & within the extended Hill family only . . . 
• If you are afraid I will forget an important guidelines; and finally . . . 
• If anything in today's blog offends you in any way, shape or form . . . 

. . . start your own blog. [And I mean that w/all due respect.]

GUIDELINES SURE * TO MAKE THE HILL FAMILY REUNION                                AN ENJOYABLE EXTRAVAGANZA FOR THE MAXIMUM NUMBER OF THE EXTENDED HILL FAMILY, WHETHER BLOOD-KIN OR OTHERWISE

5. Sisters will insist on making multiple pots of fu fu *** coffee every day . . . & not necessarily limited to breakfast, brunch, or morning hours in general. [COROLLARY 5.A. Those of us who consider ourselves to be "reasonable" coffee aficionados should be--& I emphasis the phrase "should be" & avoid the phrase "must be"--entitled to make & enjoy at least one pot of bold and/or dark roast coffee per day. **** CAVEAT 5.A. There is no guarantee that whoever is responsible for purchasing supplies will purchase anything other than fu fu coffee, since this task often, but not always, falls to one or more of the Sisters & whomever she delegates to assist her. Therefore, if you, like myself, generally value manly coffee, you should probably bring your own supply.]
6. Which brings me to what may or may not be a delicate subject . . . strong drink . . .  Let's be honest . . . We are all familiar with the legendary exploits of the Sisters at both Sister Bashes & Family Reunions over the years. In fact, according to very reliable but sources who choose [wisely] to remain anonymous, some of these exploits have been documented ***** . . . Wine seems to be the drink of choice . . . red wine . . . though not necessarily limited to dry, red wine, although I may be starting to stray out of my limits of expertise here. Time for:  [CAVEAT 6.A. Liquor is not shunned, but, see relevant comment in GUIDELINE 5.CAVEAT 5.A. COROLLARY 6.A. Some of us frown on male members of the Hill "entourage" ordering & consuming in public and/or concocting & consuming in private aforementioned drinks w/fu fu sounding names, especially if they include little umbrellas & chunks of fruit. COROLLARY 6.B. This does not apply to most martini's, regardless of whether olives are fruit or not, because most martini's are manly drinks. CAVEAT 6.B. Underage drinking is not permitted. CORALLARY TO CAVEAT 6.B. No, I'm not kidding. CAVEAT 6.C. Younger generations of the Hill "entourage" are invited, yea, strongly encouraged, to purchase rounds of drinks for the older generations, since this is guaranteed to endear them to the "right people." CAVEAT 6.D. Did I mention that "cheap" brands of wine and/or other "hard" liquor or distilled spirits are generally not tolerated & may result in Gossip . . . even about someone who is present! SEE GUIDELINE 2., SUN 4/17 . . . What about the old "buy cheap alcoholic brews, tonics, and/or blends & pour them into expensive, brand-name bottles trick?" It's been done . . . It doesn't work . . . There will be too many connoisseurs in attendance. COROLLARY GUIDELINE to GUIDELINE 6.CAVEAT 6.D . . . uh, I'm starting to get confused. The same "guideline" holds true for any coffee that is purchased, fu fu or otherwise.]

* Well, most likely. **
** Somewhat likely.
*** We have used this term--& I guarantee I have spelled it correctly, although, if you check the link, you'll find out that there are alternate spelling variations, to refer to flavored coffee. I fear that we've been under a false impression for years. I took the liberty of checking my "go-to" online dictionary site, and it turns out that this term does NOT, contrary to at least the Hill Family "popular" opinion, refer to "girly" coffee. [Don't believe me? Check out the link for yourself . . . Doubter!]
**** As always, my recommendation is Seattle's Best Dark #5.
***** But we won't mention any names. You/we know who you are.

G.O.M.E.R. + Exclusive Political Content

frightful Friday

G.O.M.E.R. "Grumpy Old Men & Their Elucidating Rants"

Who's ready to join me? This brainstorm [brain "drizzle"?] came to me as Lois & I were driving back from Lincoln on SAT 4/16, listening to a radio talk show that neither of us were familiar with. The premise seemed promising. A moderator would introduce a topic, play some sound bites, & invite his guests to comment. There was a "conservative" guest & a "progressive" guest. One thing I appreciated? Unlike one of my pet peeves w/Bill O'Reilly & Sean Hannity, the moderator worked very hard to keep the guests from yelling over each other's comments; for the most part they complied & acted w/a modicum of civility toward each other. But I digress . . . 

It seems to me that we could use an organization . . . & I would be more than happy to serve as national spokesperson * . . . which would utilize the curmudgeonly yet surpassingly wise elucidation of old men [like me!]. Give it some thought . . . I've included some examples of my own rants. **
* Notice my use of "gender" neutral language? Please don't hold that against me!
** Because that's just the kind of G.O.M.E.R. I am.

Today's Featured Rants

• Re: Aforementioned radio talk show . . . :  A "progressive" who, when asked "Is there anything about Hillary Clinton's campaign that has surprised you, like she's exceeded your expectations?" ANSWER:  "She's received over 1 million more votes in the primaries than any other candidate, Republican or Democrat." When asked if she's "under-performed? ANSWER:  "When she is passionate about something, you can just see her compassion, & that get's misinterpreted as weakness. There's an obvious double-standard in how women candidates are treated compared to men." [Rant:  Is it my imagination, or was this a 100% "non-answer?"]
• Ditto re: sound bites re:  effort to ban trans-gendered men from using public restrooms when girls are present . . . : WOMAN IN FAVOR:  "It's not about hate, it's about common courtesy. We teach our children that there are places at home that are meant to be private, like the bathroom, & going to the bathroom is also meant to be private. Now there are schools in MN where little boys are allowed to use the same restroom with little girls." WOMAN REPRESENTING THE OTHER SIDE:  "Laws like these are an over-reaction, especially after 20 years of research that shows that transgendered men pose no threats to children. And when this woman speaks in favor of a law like this, it's telling me that my child is a 'nobody'...That I'm a 'nobody.'" [Here comes the rant:

• The WOMAN REPRESENTING THE OTHER SIDE heard what she wanted to hear, because the other woman was clear in stating that the issue was one of common courtesy & privacy, not hate.
• Where did she get her facts from? Not that I'm suspicious or anything...
• So what if transgendered men pose no threat to children? What about pedophiles who might take advantage of "anti-discrimination" laws to access restrooms where children are present?
• One more thing...the talk show host, which up to that point had impressed me as pretending to be fair, kept referring to proposed laws like this as "transgender hate laws" [or words to that effect . . . OK, Paul, deep breath . . . ]

Exclusive Political Content

Thanks to my "inside sources," you are reading it here first . . . President Barack Obama is poised to make an unprecedented announcement in Great Britain today . . . The United States will petition to join the European Union!

"Yes, I fully realize that the United States of America is technically not a part of Europe," President Obama was quoted as telling a reporter from MSNBC. "Who cares? Anybody ever hear the phrases 'President Obama' & 'executive order' in the same sentence before? Thanks to the stunning successes of my foreign policy, which it would take more than the fingers on my two hands to count, there is no doubt that America's allies & admirers across the Atlantic will leap at the chance to welcome their cousins into the fold . . . grateful cousins, I might add. We never could have defeated the Germans--don't you dare refer to them as Nazis!--without the help of our European brothers & sisters. Not that the Germans aren't our brothers & sisters now. I'd love to sit on a front porch & share a stout German beer with one of them."
      Republican leaders are expected to call a press conference & announce their support for the President's expected action. "We really can't see any alternative until after the November election," one high-ranking member of the Senate said, "off the record."  

Political Potpourri

I'm trying hard to restrain my political repartee to my frightful friday blog. Is it worth the wait?

DISCLAIMER re:  my use of links.  Try treating them like I treat the Drudge Report . . . Check them out . . . If they pique your interest, follow-thru . . . If not, leave them alone.

Re: "She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named"

Tagline from Drudge Report (4/11):  "Obama says SWSNBN never jeopardized national security in email case . . . " [And she replied, "Our Fearless Leader knew what he was talking about when he assured us that if we liked our doctor, we could keep our doctor. And our health premiums would be lower."]

Re: "He-Who-Does-Not-Yet-Have-a-Nickname"

Another tagline from Drudge (4/13): "Beck Compares HWDNYHAN to Moses . . . " [I confess . . . I didn't read the article. Maybe I should have considered this for a Theological THU feature?]

Contrary to what some may think, I have not endorsed this or any other candidate . . . yet. I do, however, endorse the substance of the following comments. Check out this Link to article re:  HWDNYHAN's comments in North Carolina re: "gender" bill. SOURCE: The Daily Mail.

Re:  "He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named" and/or "She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named"

As usual, my favorite partisan pundit has some strong opinions that speak toward my conundrum, should my choice come down to a vote between HWSNBN or SWSNBN.  Source:  Jonah Goldberg, "article," via Drudge Report (4/16). 

Re:  "He-Who-I-Still-Maintain-Is-More-Than-Likely-Irrelevant" and/or "She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named"

Another tag from Drudge (4/6):  "REPORT: Reporters giving donations to SWSNBN, HWISMIMTLI . . . " [But . . . that would very likely make them . . . gasp . . . biased?!]

Re:  "He-Who-Doesn't-Have-a-Chance-Or-a-Clue"

I felt obligated to include at least a fleeting excerpt about HWDHACOAC . . . which is exactly what you'll get if you actually take the time to check out this link. I searched & searched & finally found a column on Townhall. I think I only saw his name once, but then I skimmed through the article very, very fast.

The Bible is a Challenge . . . or Is It?

Walking in the Truth

Today's Scriptural Truth

"For all have sinner & fall short of the glory of God, & all are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."  Romans 3:23-24

Today's Devotional Thoughts

I know people--& perhaps you do, too--who have developed a sense that the Bible is a challenge to read . . . too dense . . . almost impenetrable . . . for sure not worth the time & effort . . . except maybe in small doses.

We might remember the Bible stories our parents read to us . . . the ones we heard in Sunday school . . . children's sermons . . . Little Visits with God? . . . All well & good . . . but to carve out some meaningful time & really soak it in . . . really do some pondering . . . Admit it . . . Okay, I'll admit it . . . It can seem like a burden.

But you can approach scripture from a simple way when you are looking for simple truths. Here goes.

When we believe that the Truth is found in Holy Scripture, we are enabled by the Holy Spirit to accept by faith that this passage teaches that everyone . . . and, yes, that includes you & me . . . is a sinner. That means we all fall short of meeting God's standards. Our sin separates us from God completely . . . 100% . . . We cannot be saved . . . 

And brace yourself for the absolutely scary thought . . . We cannot be saved because God is a holy God who cannot tolerate sin & so His punishment is absolute! That means eternal damnation for all of us.

If our scripture stopped there, hopelessness would prevail. In that sense, the Truth of the Bible does seem too challenging to penetrate.

But praise God . . . scripture doesn't stop there, and God's Truth prevails as we continue to read. We are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Jesus!

You want the Truth, the whole Truth, & nothing but the Truth? There it is! His grace--His love which comes to use totally undeserved through nothing we've done comes because of everything His holy Son Jesus has done.

• Jesus redeems us
• He buys us back out of the enslavement of sin
• We are justified before God
• Forgiven . . . saved . . . 
• And now this Truth penetrates our hearts by the grace of God!

Hopelessness becomes hope . . . Condemnation becomes forgiveness. 

Truth prevails!

Today's prayer

We praise You, O Lord, for Your great love in Christ Jesus. We know by faith that we are redeemed & saved by Your Son. May we be blessed as we read Your Word & discover & grow in its simple Truths. Amen.

Addendum

I adapted this devotional from one I wrote for the Lutheran High Northeast Daily Announcements on 10/21/14.

whimsical wednesday

DISCLAIMER re: MY INCREASING USE OF LINKS!  Treat them like I often treat Drudge...Check them out, look at the "tag," to see what amused me, then decide whether it's worth your time & effort to actually follow-through. It won't hurt my feelings. After all . . . first & foremost, I still blog mostly for my own self-therapy.

WHIMSY

Recent fortunes:  Here are some beauties gleaned from the last batch of fortune cookies I enjoyed. Is it my imagination, or is the quality of fortunes diminishing?

• "Po Says: Friends are like cookies, they are always good to have around."
• "Po Says: The 4 greatest words are all you can eat."
• "Po Says: You will be invited to a panda party. Be sure to bring enough dumplings."
• "Failure is the tuition you pay for success." [Now that's more like it!"]

Tagline from Drudge Report (4/16):  "College students struggling to read entire books . . ." [In their defense, who has time to read books when you're spending most of your time protesting, because you have hurt feelings about all those college buildings named after dead white guys?]

Obsessed about body odor? Check out this source:  Link to "A brief history of body odor," via Drudge via Jonah Goldberg (4/16).

We had one of our best income tax results that we could remember this year. None-the-less [As a secondary English major, I cringe at using that word, but it's my blog.], I felt obligated to publish the following from the Omaha World Herald's Go Magazine (4/14):  "4 Cocktails to Drink on Tax Day." 

• "Income Tax Cocktail. This on-the-nose drink from Liquor.com was adapted from 1935's 'Old Mr. Boston Official Bar-Tenders Guide.' > 1/4 oz. dry vermouth > 1/4 oz. sweet vermouth > 1/4 oz. gin > 3/4 oz. orange juice > dash Angostura bitters > Pour all ingredients into a shaker. Fill w/cracked ice,shake, & strain into a cocktail glass." [Of the 4 cocktails, this looked like the most exotic but didn't sound appealing to me at all.]
• "Tax-atini. FlicksAndFood.com offers this twist on a lemon drop, in case you're dropping a whole lot of money on your taxes. > 1 1/2 oz. vodka > 1/2 oz. orange liqueur > 3/4 oz fresh lemon juice > 1 tsp superfine sugar > Add vodka, orange liqueur & lemon juice into shaker w/ice. Shake & pour in a sugar rimmed glass. Garnish w/twisted lemon peel." [Martinis have always been one of my favorites. Some cocktails you drink for effect; some for taste. Martinis you drink for effect.]

WACKY WORLD OF WAYWARD CELEBRITIES *

*This may become a new, regular feature. What do you think? **
** I guess I really don't care, since--I remind you again--it's my blog.

Another tagline from Drudge (4/14):  "Katy Perry wins a victory in battle to buy nuns' convent . . ." [I didn't bother to read the article.]

Remember David Hasselhoff? You might be interested in this link via Mental Floss via Drudge via Jonah Goldberg (4/16).

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

I think when we were gathered in Las Vegas for Blake & Teresa's nuptials several Thanksgiving holidays ago, David & I & whatever kids we had with us in the car stopped & had burgers & fries at a Five Brothers. It was everything I had hoped it would be . . . & more! Check out this link about someone who had a craving for Five Brothers that couldn't be stifled by any stinkin' business hours. It comes via "abcNew" via Drudge via Jonah Goldberg (4/16). [This entry could just as easily have qualified for Criminal Minds and/or There Is No Place Like . . . "] 

CONVERSATIONS W/MY GRANDSON BENTLEY *

Rachel: Who's the boss?
Bentley:  Daddy!
Rachel: Do you want to sleep with Daddy tonight?
Bentley:  Mommy's the boss.

* Parents:  Rachel & Derek Broders; age 2, turns 3 this summer. Conversation:  SAT 4/16 @ our house while the 3 Broders were paying us a social call.

CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR

Also from OWH (4/5):  "April Fool's prank nets arrest, multiple chargest for G.I. man. A Grand Island Man was arrested on numerous counts after a failed April Fool's prank. G.I. Police Capt. D. Elliott said Daniel W., 49, was arrested early SAT morning after he entered the Arby's restaurant on S. Locust St, wielding a gun. Just before midnight, W. entered the restaurant & demanded money from the employees, 4 of whom fled & called the police. Hearing the commotion, the restaurant manager came out & recognized W. as a restaurant employee [emphasis added]. W. explained that his actions were an April Fool's prank, Elliott said. 
      "W. then left the restaurant & attempted to drive away but was stopped by police . . . arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence, 4 counts of terroristic threats, 3 counts of child abuse (his 3 children...were in the vehicle w/him), 3 counts of driving under the influence w/children in the vehicle & possession of drug paraphernalia for a marijuana pipe found in the vehicle . . . Elliott said the gun that was displayed during the fake robbery was a BB handgun."  [My guess? W. will not qualify for B.K. Employee of the Month.]

Dialogue from Baby Blues comic strip in OWH (4/6):
"Dad:  What's wrong with Zoe?
Mom:  Some of her older friends have been teasing her.
Dad:  About what?
Mom:  C'mon. You know what preteen girls are like.
Dad:  I do?
Mom:  Think piranhas in training bras."
[Although I have personally never taught this grade level, my spouse has, & I have heard enough anecdotes to say w/authority that this comic strip conversation rings absolutely true.]