My PSA + Reasons for Anxiety

Public Service Announcement

Did you really think I would share my PSA score with you? That's a little personal & quite an assumption on your part, don't you think? * And I often remind you that perhaps the primarily reason I blog is for my own self-therapy, but I also tell myself that an altruistic motive may be to help others. So I'm telling myself that today's entry is intended to be--in part at least--a Public Service Announcement.

What I intend to do is address issues re: depression, sadness, & gloominess [with maybe a few insights re:  grouchiness thrown in as a bonus.]

* If you must know--and I assume that you feel you MUST if you are truly my FB "friend"--my most recent score was 0.0, which it has been ever since I had my prostate removed in November, 2013. **
** I know, I know. TMI. ***
*** But it's still my blog.

Sadness

Many things can make us sad &, in fact, should make us sad. I continue to follow the Nebraska Cornhuskers off & on, although I don't know why, because they make me sad more often than not. When they lose a game in the waning seconds, it makes me sad [or frustrated or maybe even angry]. Sometimes I even tell people, "I'm depressed, because the Huskers lost," but I'm not really "depressed."
        Maybe a less shallow example would be the emotion I feel when I hear the pastor announce on Sunday morning that someone from the congregation has died & I know this person & their family members. It makes me sad, because I can at least sympathize with the grief this family is now feeling. If it DIDN'T make me sad, I should pinch myself, because the lack of sympathy could mean that I am a callous person OR worse. [SEE comments about depression below.]

Gloominess

Gloominess takes sadness & ratchets it to another level. I would compare it to being sad for more than just a fleeting moment. Maybe for a few days or even a few weeks. The weather can definitely make me feel gloomy. We noticed in Hawaii, where it is at least partly if not mostly sunny day-after-day that on those rare occasions where tropical storms brought rain for a week or more, people tended to get gloomier or at least more irritable.
        I have blogged before re:  SAD *, which can be a clinical mood disorder, linked to depression, but this is more serious that a "case of the blahs." **
        My physical health can also make me gloomy. I'm working on a bad hip right now, which may very likely result in a hip replacement. No, I'm not looking for your pity. *** What I'm saying is that my left hip is sore most of the time & certain movements cause me grief, such as bending over to tie my shoes; lifting up my left leg to get into the car; raising my left leg to get into bed. **** Again, I might say that the chronic pain in my hip is depressing, but it's not really causing me chronic depression. It's making me a little gloomy.
        Finally, the videos of Planned Parenthood's hideous abortions & profiteering from them, as well as the dissembling by those who continue to cover up for them, coupled with the more recent news that those who exposed them are being indicted, while it looks like Planned Parenthood will escape with little more than a hand slap, if that, make me very sad & gloomy, but depressed? It's pointless to be depressed, because--aside from prayer & continuing to make others aware of this evil, this is beyond my control. I guess I have to settle for gloomy.

* Seasonal Affective Disorder
** FYI:  "case of the blahs" is not recognized terminology by certified, mental health providers. I'm just sayin'. 
*** Well, maybe I am. I'll gladly accept it.
**** Don't get me started about the simplest request one should expect one's spouse to honor, i.e., trimming her supposed loved one's toenails. *****
***** I know. Once again, TMI.

Depression

Now we get to true, chronic depression. This is the kind of depression that should really, truly, only be diagnosed by a certified, mental health professional, like a psychiatrist. For a more definitive description of clinical depression, check out this information from a source I trust:  the Mayo Clinic web site. 
        I can tell you two things that are red flags for me.

• It dawns on me that my "gloomies" have transitioned from a mere week or so to several weeks into several months.
• I don't experience 24/7 sadness as much as I experience 24/7 apathy--pretty much a lack of emotion for those things that should make me feel emotion. Example? On FRI 1/22, my 2nd grandson Calvin was born at 3:07p. I got the definitive word at around 7:00p. After my initial "Yahoo," [It's true. You can ask my daughter & grand-daughters!] I felt . . . nothing. This was very unusual for me, because ordinarily I would expect such news to make me cry. * This worried me A LOT for about 24 hours. Why? Because I worried that my lack of emotion signaled an apathy that red-flagged a period of clinical depression. Fortunately **, as I contemplated the birth of my first-born's first born on my drive home to Norfolk from Lincoln on MON 1/25, I got very, very emotional.

* Yes, believe it or not, I'm quite the emotional guy.
** Yes, believe it or not, fortunately, even if it contributed to my stressful drive home. More on that below.

A Quick Word (or two) about Grouchiness

• It made me grouchy on Saturday night when I got into the express line at Hy-Vee & noticed immediately that the lady in front of me had 18 items in the CLEARLY marked 12-item line. But no it didn't "make" me. Grouchiness is a choice, not a condition. It has nothing to do with mental health.
• The elderly * gentlemen in front of me @ KFC on Friday night was in what appeared to me to be a foul mood ***. His conversation w/the unfortunate young lady at the cash register went something like this. GOM: ****: I want an order of chicken tenders but just the tenders. Nothing else. The last time I ordered chicken tenders I got the whole meal & I got charged for the whole meal. OK? PIC: *****: Yes, sir. GOM: There's no reason for me to get charged for more than just the chicken tenders & last time I was here I got charged for the whole meal. I just want the chicken tenders. PIC:  Yes, sir. I'm only going to charge you for the chicken tenders. GOM: {turning to look @ me, as if I would be his ally} This happens to me every time I come here. I get charged for the whole meal when all I want is the chicken tenders. ****** This conversation between the GOM & the PIC made me grouchy. But no it didn't! Grouchiness is a choice, not a condition. It has nothing to do with mental health.

* And why should that make a difference? After all, I'm 63, so by the standards of many, I more than easily meet the definition, wouldn't you say? **
** Go ahead. Since you said it to yourself, you might as well say it out loud!
*** Hey! I think I just made a joke! Foul. KFC. Fowl. Get it?
**** Grouchy Old Man
***** Poor Innocent Cashier
****** I had to force myself not to roll my eyes. Shame on me.

A Spiritual Dimension

Follow my reasoning here, which I think is an application of Christian apologetics. [DISCLAIMER:  Keep in mind that I consider myself an amateur apologist, not a scholar by any means.] Clinical depression is an organic condition involving brain chemicals, which is provable, I submit, because it can be controlled by chemical substances that affect brain chemicals. As such, I think--like any inherited illness or tendency toward illness--it could be considered part of our original sinful condition & thus in need of our Savior's forgiveness. Therefore:

• I cannot blame my grouchiness on anything other than my choice to be grouchy. It is a symptom of my judgmental nature & inclination to want to look for specks to flick out of the eyes of others when I have beams that need to be plucked out of my own eyes. [SEE Matthew 7:3-5.]
• When teaching theology classes to my junior high & high school students, I tried to help them see the analogy between SIN & sins. "Sins" are the symptoms of SIN. When I have a cold, I can treat the symptoms:  runny nose, coughing, sneezing, fever, but treating the symptoms doesn't treat the underlying condition. I HAVE A COLD!
• In the same way, just because I may avoid swearing for one day, it doesn't mean that I am not affected by the underlying condition of my SIN. Does that make sense?
• I cannot excuse my sinful behavior, i.e., sexual sins, hatred of others, gossip, disrespect for authority, swearing, etc., because of my sinful condition, i.e., "It's not my fault! I can't help my sin because of my SIN!" Does that make sense? I'm not trying to talk down to you. I'm trying to share a spiritual truth, & I sincerely hope this makes sense.
• Enough of a sermon. If you've already drifted away, I blame only myself.

Reasons for Anxiety

There's also a difference between things that make us nervous & a diagnosed, clinical anxiety disorder. I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder, * which also means it's easy for me to obsess about things. You tell me whether I should be obsessed and/or needlessly anxious about any of the following. I'll gladly accept your "diagnoses."

• Weather & road conditions. I am in Lincoln, NE, for one last, long weekend, joyfully [I'm serious!] helping out my daughter w/my grand-daughters while my son-in-law is out-of-town for a National Guard Training. That means I must stay here until Sarah gets home today, which is probably after 6:00 p.m. Last MON 1/25, I made an ill-advised decision to drive home in extremely poor road conditions. Check out the latest forecast on the NOAA web site. Because of my own schedule, I really, really want to get back to Norfolk this evening. Not that I begrudge taking care of my delightful grand-daughters & helping out my "princess" an extra day this week, but if I don't make it home tonight, I have a feeling I may be snowed in until Wednesday!
• Politics. I really, really recommend. Jonah Goldberg. Yes, he is a conservative pundit, but if you have any trust in me at all **, I promise you that he has a very self-deprecating sense of humor ***, is about as even-handed as any conservative pundit you will find, and you might actually learn a thing or two from him. ****
• Global climate change. Nope. Actually doesn't make me anxious at all. Why not? Well, first of all, IF we are in a period of global warming, & I am admittedly skeptical for reasons that I choose not to divulge at this time, I have my doubts as to whether such warming is man-made. Secondly, based on scientific data, it would seem as if the earth has gone through periods of global warming when--according to "experts"--earth had yet to experience much if any "carbon footprint" caused by humankind. Thirdly, even if I granted that humankind MIGHT have any effect whatsoever on global climate change, I am hugely skeptical that we have any ability to effect any, let alone any DRAMATIC global temperature change in the long-term, let alone short-term. I'm just sayin'. 

* Another example of TMI, or another reminder that this is my blog?! Whatever.
** I realize this might be asking a lot.
*** Seriously, if I were to stereotype "progressive" pundits, I would stereotype them thusly. They don't have a sense of humor. Or to put it another way, I think conservative pundits' sense of humor tends to be much more clever, while the sense of humor displayed by "progressive" pundits tends toward the sophomoric or "nanny-nanny-boo-boo" style. EXAMPLE BELOW.
**** I warned you. I'm biased.

Department of Imaginary Conversations . . .  Typical Sense of Humor Displayed by Progressive Pundits *

Rush Limbaugh:  Ladies & Gentlemen, speaking to you with half my brain tied behind my back . . . 
PP:  As usual, Rush is an arrogant, conceited, buffoon.
Me:  And, as usual, you don't "get" Rush, because you don't listen to more than his sound bytes. He's funny. He's self-deprecating. He can be very insightful & is actually quite knowledgeable...certainly more insightful & thoughtful than you usually are. He appears to take the time to educate himself on multiple sides of most issues, which is more than I can say for you, since what I usually get from you is little more than the usual talking points. What do you have to say about that?
PP:  Oh, yeah? Well, you're stupid! See how funny I am? And clueless! Ha! Ha! Ha! Just like Rush! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Me:  We'll see who turns out to be right again, as usual.
PP:  Nanny-nanny-boo-boo!

* As I said previously, I neither make nor claim no attempt to be anything but biased.