Taboo word + Bacon-flavored seaweed + Best food court + Nuns with guns

Whimsy

From Norfolk Daily News (12/17/15):  "Digital assistants face off in 'talking' tests . . . Finally, a personality test. I challenged each to tell a joke. Siri had the best answer. 'If I told you a joke in my language, I'd have to explain it.' Then I tried the famous line from '2001: A Space Odyssey' in which astronaut Dave Bowman tells the ship's computer: 'Open the pod bay doors.' Cortana knows the right answer: 'I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.' But Siri had a better one: 'Doesn't anybody knock anymore?'" [Lois asked Siri to tell a joke & got this response: "Two iPhones walked into a bar. I forget the rest." No, I'm not making this up."]

From Omaha World Herald (12/27/15):  "Fluency in taboo words may not be social defect. A bigger vocabulary is a bigger vocabulary, whether you are quoting Shakespeare or cursing like a sailor. That is the takeaway from a report, recently published in the journal Language Sciences, that suggests fluency in 'taboo words' is correlated w/having a larger vocabulary.' The finding goes against some prior research & much popular thinking that sees cursing as a defect. Researchers & authors have argued that people who curse a lot are lazy, have a more limited vocabulary & lack education & self-control." [For what it's worth--taking into account that I'm only on my 2nd cup of coffee this morning--I am on the side of "popular" thinking. Expecting anything more clever than that from me? That would require me to use taboo words.]

Whimsy:  Special Star Wars Edition

Also from OWH "Go Magazine" (12/17):  "The Influences of Star Wars. George Lucas has admitted that 'Star Wars' is a compilation of many, many things. Here are a few works that influenced the series.

• "A Princess of Mars" {published 1912}
• "Buck Rogers" {comic debut 1929}
• "Flash Gordon" {comic debut 1934}
• "Stagecoach" & "The Wizard of Oz" {released 1939}
• "The Hero w/a Thousand Faces" {Published 1949}

[I am providing this excerpt as a special service to Star Wars geeks, & I mean that in the most affectionate way possible. I've heard what happens to people who dis Star Wars geeks.]

Criminal Minds

Also from OWH (12/26):  "Lincoln fugitive caught after she drops in on neighbors. A 36-yr-old woman hiding from deputies was caught after she fell through the ceiling of an adjoining duplex unit in Lincoln, authorities said. Kristina Frerichs was taken to a hospital after her fall . . . & then to jail . . . Deputies said they saw Frerichs through a window at her residence but couldn't find her when the duplex owners let them in. Deputies said residents on the other side of the duplex soon reported that someone had fallen from the attic through the ceiling of their living room. Frerichs was found hiding at the bottom of a nearby staircase." [Don't you just hate it when someone drops in on you unannounced?]

Also from OWH (12/27:)  "Crash rate of driverless cars exposes glitch in programming. The self-driving car, that cutting-edge creation that's supposed to lead to a world without accidents, is achieving the exact opposite:  The vehicles have racked up a crash rate double that of those w/human drivers. The glitch?
      "They obey the law all the time, w/o exception. This may sound like the right way to program a robot to drive a car, but good luck trying to merge onto a chaotic, jam-packed highway w/traffic flying along well above the speed limit. As the accidents have piled up--all minor scrape-ups so far--the arguments among programmers @ places like Google & Carnegie Mellon University are heating up:  Should they teach the cars how to commit infractions from time to time to stay out of trouble?"  [I contemplated using this for a devotional topic, then came to my senses.]

Food for Thought

Also from OWH (12/16):  "New ingredients are swimming your way for 2016. Tiny fish, tart plums & coconut syrup. Ready for a taste of 2016? Since we're all a little tired of hearing about bacon *, Brussels sprouts & cauliflower steaks, let's look forward to some of the flavors & foods that will be popping up in the coming year . . .
* It's hard to imagine getting tired of hearing about bacon.

1. "Little Fish. Two things are going on here. First, the trend in seafood is to eat lower on the food chain. It's good for the oceans; it's good for the fishing industry . . . So expect to see lots of anchovies & sardines & expect to see them in starring roles." [Two comments:  Eating lower on the food chain has worked for sharks for millennia, right Nick? Secondly, I love anchovy pizza. It broke my heart when Sam & Louie's closed in Norfolk, because it was the only place in town where you could get a slice of anchovy pizza.]
2. "Seaweed. Sure, there was a lot of hype this year about the new seaweed that supposedly tastes like bacon, but I'm not holding my breath for that. Because in the meantime we have nori, the seaweed that often is pressed & dried in sheets . . . " [Two comments:  How did I miss seaweed that tastes like bacon? Secondly, we were introduced to nori when we lived in Hawaii. It's palatable but reminded us of the fish food we used to feed our guppies.]
3. "Alternative Sugars. Avoiding high-fructose corn syrup is getting a little easier, in part because a growing number of soda companies are returning to pure cane syrup . . . " [Uh, chemically it's still sugar, right?]
4. "Umeboshi Plums. "These are the fruit of the ume {pronounced OO-may} tree {a relative of the rose}. They resemble small apricots, but they can't be eaten raw.That's why most of them are salted, fermented & dyed red using shisho leaves. The resulting 'plums' have an intensely sour-salty flavor that can be weirdly addictive." [This is just plain wrong on so many levels.]
5. "Grains & Legumes. This has been building for a couple years now. It all started w/the quinoa craze. Now all sorts of crazy grains & legumes {or seeds masquerading as them} are popping up. And so we have farro & teff, millet & triticale, not to mention more common wheat berries & rye berries being cooked & consumed straight up {rather than turned into floor}." [I've actually had quinoa. That's all. I've actually had quinoa.]

There is No Place Like . . . 

Florida?

Also from OWH (12/8):  "Pig w/pink toenails reunited w/his people. A friendly pig w/pink toenails spotted last week in a FL flower bed has made it all the way home. Clearwater police reported on social media . . . that Louie's owner was located, & the pig was reunited w/his family . . . police posted a photo of the manicured porker on their Facebook & Twitter pages. The pig was in the custody of the SPCA until his owner claimed him. Police didn't publicly identify the owner." [Rumor has it that the owner wasn't publicly identified because PETA objects to the practice of toenail-polished pigs.]

Colorado?

Also from OWH (12/28): "After honest busboy turns in cash, fans give him a tip. A struggling CO busboy who returned $3,000 in cash that he found on the floor is getting a big tip. People impressed w/Johnny Duckworth's honest have raised more than $3,800 through gofundme.com.

      "Duckworth found the cash @ Randy's Southside Diner in Grand Junction & handed it over to his boss . . . The money was in an envelope behind a booth. There also was a bank ATM slip inside, & the bank was able to return the money to its owner, who gave Duckworth a $300 tip. Duckworth said he never thought of keeping the money. 'I work for a living.'" [I am genuinely impressed.]

Nebraska!

Also from OWH (12/26):  "Westroads food hall to open Tuesday. Flagship Commons, Westroads Mall's new food hall, will open TUE . . . The 21,000-sq-ft space situated between the AMC multiplex & Younkers department store will offer 8 restaurants, some new & some familiar, w/fast-casual & full-service options.

      "It will have a full-service bar; new locations for Aromas Coffeehouse, Blatt Beer & Table, & the Amsterdam Falafel & Kabob; plus 5 new concepts, including Yum Roll by Blue Sushi Sake Grill, Yoshi-Ya ramen, Weirdough Pizza Co., Juan Taco, & a custom salad station, Clever Greens." [Key words:  "full-service bar," "Blatt Beer & Table", "Blue Sushi Sake."]

Political TUE:  Special Wednesday Edition

Also from NDN (12/9):  "Nun's deer kill brings online backlash. A Roman Catholic diocese has taken down the Facebook photo of a nun w/a 10-pt buck she bagged after the posting drew criticism, some of it vulgar, from animal-rights & anti-hunting activists, the diocese said. Sister John Paul Bauer killed the deer on Nov. 30, the first day of hunting season.

      "The photo posted on the Erie (PA) Diocese's FB page showed her, wearing her nun habit, at the back of a pickup truck holding her trophy deer by the antlers. Initial comments were largely positive . . . But as the page neared 1.5 million views, animal rights activists began taking offense . . . many of those who oppose hunting posted vulgar comments, using profanity & even an obscene photograph . . . " [That's what I love about hunting opponents--their carefully measured, well-reasoned responses.]

Whimsy from Another Source

I'm not above harvesting shameless, amusing excerpts from other sources. My source is Reader's Digest, Dec 2015/Jan 2016.

From "Famous Quotes, Unabridged":  Two things are infinite:  the universe & human stupidity; & I'm not sure about the universe. But that might just be me being stupid." Albert Einstein

From "Life in These United State":  A Twitter exchange between an angry customer & an apologetic Domino's Pizza:  Customer: Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, Its Just Bread  Domino's: We're sorry to hear about this!  Customer (minutes later): Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/

From "That's Outrageous":  A North Carolina college student was arrested for using counterfeit money. What gave her away was the signature on the bill. It's supposed to be the name of the secretary of the Treasury. Instead, it was signed "Moe Money."