DEPT. OF SHAMELESS JOKE-STEALING *
* Reader's Digest, July/Aug 2020"A man was driving on the highway when all of a sudden he had to swerve to avoid a box falling off the truck that was in front of him. Seconds later, a police officer pulled him over for reckless driving. As the officer was writing the ticket the driver noticed the box he'd avoided had been full of nails & tacks. "I have to swerve or I'd have run over those & blown my tires!" he protested. "OK," replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, but I'm still bringing you in." "What for?" "Tacks evasion."
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
"Burger King is staging an intervention with its cows. The chain has rebalanced the diet of some of the cows by adding lemon grass in a bid to limit bovines' contributions to climate change. By tweaking their diet, Burger King said Tuesday that it believes it can reduce a cow's daily methane emissions by about 33%. On Tuesday, Burger King introduced its Reduced Methane Emissions Beef Whopper, made with beef sourced from cows that emit reduced methane . . . " Norfolk Daily News, 7/14
NFL
"Kaepernick’s rejection of “The Star-Spangled Banner” eventually spread throughout the NFL. Even though he was a backup quarterback, Kaepernick became a #Resistance idol. Soon he was a corporate ad man, pitching Nike sneakers.
"Then game attendance fell. So did television viewership. Apparently, lots of fans had no desire to spend their Sundays watching 20-something multimillionaires lecture them that the American flag was not worth honoring." Victor Davis Hanson, National Review Online, 7/16
ELECTION 2020
Joe Biden served in the Senate from 1973 to 2009 and then spent eight years as vice president. Only a small handful of Americans have had more influence over the way the federal government operates over the past 45 years than Joe Biden. The Democratic nominee cannot realistically be painted as an outsider, a reformer, an agent of change, or a breath of fresh air. Biden is the living, breathing embodiment of the Washington status quo, right up to January 20, 2017. I’m not sure Biden campaign staffers are high-fiving each other upon learning that a disgraced former senator [Al Franken] is stepping forward to argue that only Biden can save Americans from a federal government rife with corruption. Jim Geraghty, NRO, 7/16
CORONAVIRUS & PEDOPHILES
"There is an underreported impact from keeping kids away from schools, as scores of local districts mull whether to re-open in the fall. Coronavirus is on the mind of everyone, especially parents with children. Will it be sources of super spread? Is it safe? With parents, the one percent doctrine applies to anything regarding their kids’ safety, especially with a pandemic going on. The good news is that it seems that kids don’t get it and don’t spread it. The number of cases regarding children getting this virus is very low. They’re now two percent of all cases in the U.S. The Wall Street Journal editorial board took a blowtorch to the panic porn being peddled by the liberal media over this subject. Just two kids have died from COVID in Chicago. Statistically speaking - and they mentioned this - a child is more likely to be shot and killed than die of this virus. And sadly, that projection has already come true as crime has spiked in major cities . . .
"Ballard told Townhall, “the COVID-19 science is on the side of the kids. They are safe in school. The only dangerous thing for kids at this point is to keep them locked up and at home and thus vulnerable to pedophiles online. Millions of pedophiles want schools to remain in lockdown. Think about that.” Matt Vespa, Townhall, 7/16
THE ABORTION INDUSTRY
"Five years ago the Center for Medical Progress (CMP) released undercover videos that revealed evidence of criminal activity by America’s largest abortion business, Planned Parenthood. The tapes showed senior Planned Parenthood officials talking about selling aborted babies’ body parts for profit and how Planned Parenthood manipulated its abortion techniques to procure fresh, intact organs from children killed in late-term abortions . . .
"When the videos were first released, then-candidate Donald Trump's promised to fight for the unborn and end similar abuses, which helped propel him to the White House. He has kept his word. From the day he assumed office, President Trump has worked to protect unborn children and their mothers and stood up to the abortion industry. The Trump administration reinforced
"If pro-abortion Joe Biden wins in November, on the other hand, we can expect a massive setback in terms of pro-life policy. The abortion lobby backs candidates who will rubber-stamp their agenda and turn a blind eye to their wrongdoing, which explains why Planned Parenthood is investing $45 million to elect Biden and other extremist Democrats – but a president who believes in a person's inherent dignity and worth at every stage of human development is the only kind of president that belongs in the Oval Office." Marjorie Dannenfelser, Townhall, 7/16
RE-OPENING SCHOOLS
"Back to the pandemic. We are currently debating whether to reopen schools, and the press is reporting the number of cases and deaths every day but telling us little about who is catching the disease, who is dying from it and why. In April, the Science Museum Group Science Director Roger Highfield interviewed Kari Stefansson, the CEO of deCODE genetics, which is based in Reykjavik, Iceland. Stefansson studied the causes of COVID-19's spread in Iceland. The interview was posted on the Science Museum Group website on April 27.
"Children under 10 are less likely to get infected than adults and if they get infected, they are less likely to get seriously ill," said Stefansson. "What is interesting is that, even if children do get infected, they are less likely to transmit the disease to others than adults. We have not found a single instance of a child infecting parents." Jackie Gingrich Cushman, Townhall, 7/16
CIVIL WAR
"Since President Trump was sworn into office, America’s current insurrection by the progressives has been slightly more measured than our last civil war. Abraham Lincoln was elected president on November 6, 1860; it took three months before the Confederate States of America was formed. Two months later the Battle of Fort Sumter became the first battle of the American Civil War. Our new civil war, while taking longer to develop, is equally acrimonious and contested and is once again led by Democrats in a minority of states against a Republican president and all conservatives." Lloyd Pettegrew, Townhall, 7/16
THE WIT & WISDOM OF CALL THOMAS
"Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY), an eye doctor who contracted COVID-19 in March and recovered after self-quarantining, recently said at a Senate hearing: "It is a fatal conceit to believe any one person or small group of people has the knowledge necessary to direct an economy or dictate public health behavior. I think government health experts during this pandemic need to show caution in their prognostications. It's important to realize that if society meekly submits to an expert, and that expert is wrong, a great deal of harm may occur ... when we allow one man's policy or one group of small men or women to be foisted on an entire nation." Cal Thomas, Townhall, 7/16
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