Surreptitious Saturday

Turkeys + Black Friday + Ketchup + Pancakes + Patriotism

Favorite Taglines from Drudge Report (11/14)

"Study: Men with beards more attractive."  Well, duh.

(11/15)

• "TSA Sees Uptick in Travelers Packing Turkey into Bags" Carry-on or checked bags?" Inquiring minds want to know.
• "878,000 Millionaires Added in Year."  Don't bother asking me for a loan. I am not one of them.

(11/17)

• "Walking backwards boosts your memory?" Which is all well & good until you try to walk down an escalator backwards.
• "Consumers Can Track Thanksgiving Turkey's 'Life Story;' Personal Details Including Where He came from?"  This could be the most revolutionary concept for Thanksgiving since the invention of the green bean casserole.

Dept. of Shameless Joke-Stealing *

* SOURCE:  Reader's Digest, Nov. 2018

• "I approximated the Black Friday experience at home by hurling myself into a wall a number of times & then ordering online."
• "What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?"

Criminal Minds

Norfolk Daily News (11/14):  Manager punched over ketchup. Police (in Santa Ana, CA) are seeking a woman who pushed, punched & choked a McDonald's manager because she wanted ketchup. Police . . . said the assault took place around 11 pm. on Oct. 27, when the drive-thru customer entered the restaurant through an employee door & asked for the condiment." I once ordered a Big Mac from the drive-thru, got home, & discovered there were no hamburger patties in it. This strikes me as somewhat more serious than ketchup.

Omaha World Herald (11/16):  "Inmate escaped jail, then had pancakes with mom. An inmate escaped from a Georgia jail with the help of his mom & then went out for pancakes. News outlets reported that 27-yr-old Joshua Gullatt & 54-year-old Kathy Lynn Pence were arrested TUE at an IHOP restaurant."  Employees got suspicious when the 27-yr-old asked for a spork.

Political Potpourri

OWH (11/16):  "Patriotism is a philosophy of national values:  It is a statement that your nation has values that are eternal, true & noble. American patriotism prizes God-given individual rights protected by limited government. Were American to lose God-given individual rights protected by limited government, it would no longer be America." [From "It's not nationalism vs. patriotism," column by Ben Shapiro]

OWH (11/17):  "Libertarian humorist P.J. O'Rourke once said, 'The Democrats are the party of government activism, the party that says government can make you richer, smarter, taller & get the chickweed out of your lawn. Republicans are the party that says government work, & then get elected & prove it.'" Too many of our late-night comedians have gone hyper-partisan. They use their platforms to self-righteously mock Americans who think differently than they do about politics--which further widens our division. [From "Effective wit is becoming a dying art in politics," column by Tom Purcell]