Weaponry + Gossip

A Change in Strategy

Many of my alert readers know that I have coveted a Glock pistol and/or chainsaw, & I have been lobbying my trophy wife for some time now about the possibilities to no avail. Recent news articles have got me steering toward some possible alternatives.

From Minneapolis Star Tribune (1/17):  "Plastic gun is a bug killer worth its salt. Killing flies & cockroaches got easier w/the invention of the Bug-A-Salt, a plastic shotgun that fires salt at the bugs, knocking them out & leaving them ready for the garbage. An advertising video for the gun has become popular recently in social networks because of its humor. The short commercial pokes fun at absurd TV infomercials & action movies. The video shows inventor Lorenzo Maggiore firing the plastic shotgun from various positions, including from behind a tree. But the product's real job is to kill flies without damaging anything around them. All of the 'shots' end with a slow-motion sequence of the insects being knocked out." COMMENTS:  How can she argue with this? We REALLY could have used a Bug-A-Salt in Hawaii, where we encountered cockroaches the size of small puppies, centipedes whose stings could send people to the emergency room, & geckos who appeared on our walls near the ceiling just about every night.

Less Likely but More Dramatic + Appealing

From USA Today (1/30):  "Musk Company Sells 7,000 Flamethrowers. After a successful run selling hats, Elon Musk's The Boring Company has expanded its offering to include flamethrowers. Musk announced his infrastructure firm had started selling flamethrowers SUN, with preorders available for $500 each. Musk said MON that The Boring Company had sold 7,000 flamethrowers." COMMENTS:  Hey, Lois, I've got a plan for getting rid of the voles in our backyard!

Dept. of Shameless Joke Stealing

From Reader's Digest (Oct. 2017):

• "What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, stupid!"
• "Mitchy had a problem w/body odor, so he went to see his doctor. 'Do you wash?' the doctor asked him. 'Every morning,' Mitchy replied. 'I begin at my head & wash down as far as possible. Then I begin at my feet & wash up as far as possible.' 'Well,' the doctor said, 'I suggest you go home & wash possible.'"
• "Three co-workers are at lunch when they confess their shortcomings. 'I drink too much' says the first. 'In fact, I keep a bottle in my desk drawer.' 'I shorted petty cash,' admits the second. They turn to the third. 'What about you?' 'Me? I can't stop gossiping.'"