MON 2/12 MENTAL HEALTH MONDAY
Blogging Away Depression? *
*The longer part of my blog today will sound more like a journal entry. That's intentional.
But is it possible to blog away depression? It doesn't have to be blogging. Any activity can help a person cope w/depression. It could be listening to music. It could be exercising or cooking. In my case it's writing.
Again, is it possible to blog away depression? Technically, no. The depression is always lurking in the background, ready to spring for various reasons. In my case the depression & anxiety have been due--in my opinion to two factors.
Factor #1: I turned 65 on JAN 7. If things had played out as I had imagined, I would be looking to finish the 17-18 school year before officially retiring. Actually, I had though of the 18-19 school year as my last after "celebrating" my 66th birthday in JAN 19. Well, that didn't work. I took an indefinite medical leave from Lutheran High in NOV 2014. In MAR 2014 I found out that I would not be returning to LHNE. I officially retired in MAR 2017.
Confounding . . . that's what this continues to be for me. I've suffered bouts of burnout in previous years, but I always bounced back. Why didn't I bounce back this time? Why did I stubbornly try to slog through the burnout when (a) others were giving me plenty of signals that I was deteriorating in my job performance & relationships; & (b) my own sense was that I was slipping deeper & deeper into a hole that was becoming increasingly difficult to climb out.
Hindsight tells me that a change was needed at LHNE & a change was needed by me. It was a good thing for me to leave, hard as it was to accept at the time. For much of the time since I have been able to accept this, but at other times I slip back into a dark place about it. It's hard for me to get over the fact that I let people down, including my own family. Ir's hard for me to get over the fact that LHNE was the worst for my issues & inability to confront them & get help.
Factor #2: I really haven't felt physically whole since last spring. First, I began experiencing symptoms that could have been neurological or medication-related. Those symptoms included unsteadiness on my feet, which led to several serious falls. I tripped over my own feet & took a header down the last few basement steps of my daughter's house. That fall resulted in several stitches by my left eyebrow. Despite "passing" a quick concussion protocol at an urgent care facility, I suspect that I may have suffered a mild concussion, too.
A more serious fall took place as Lois & I were hiking in Superior National Forest next to Lake Superior in northeast MN last June. Once again, my feet got tangled up as I was walking down a steep set of stairs on a hiking trail. I flew off the last few steps & was heading face-first toward some good-sized rocks at the bottom of the steps. Somehow I managed to twist around & land on the back of my left shoulder.
That really, really hurt, & both Lois & I were convinced that I had done some pretty serious damage to the muscles & bones. When I finally went to the doctor after returning to Norfolk, x-rays revealed no damage to either. I was sent to physical therapy where it was determined that I had displaced some vertebrae in my neck, radiating pain into both shoulders, especially my left.
I did physical therapy & lived on ibuprofen * for months & was till bothered by the symptoms into the late fall. It was hard to sleep because of the discomfort, & we know that poor sleeping contributes to depression & anxiety, which contributes to poor sleep--it's a vicious cycle.
* This caused another complication which may be covered in a future blog.
On FRI 1/15, I was diagnosed with Influenza A. On TUE 1/30, I was diagnosed with pneumonia, & I am still plagued w/fatigue & a deep, rattling cough. Once again this has contributed to poor sleeping. While I was participating in the Mayo Clinic Executive Health Program, I had two exercise tests & an angiogram which resulted in the diagnosis of an 80% blockage in the main artery to my heart.
Back to blogging. I'm blogging more frequently, because it helps me cope. I'm seeing a pulmonologist for treatment of the respiratory issues. I'm seeing a cardiologist, which--after more tests--will most likely result in the insertion of a stent.
Summarizing, an inability to cope w/the circumstances of my departure of LHNE, combined w/detrimental physical health, have contributed to depression & anxiety. Hopefully, relief is in sight.
Speaking of Flu
From Norfolk Daily News (2/6): "For 2018 flu season, 'there may be many weeks left.' It looks like Groundhog Day for the nation's flu report, too. It's gotten worse & there are weeks of suffering ahead. The government's latest report out showed the flu season had continued to intensify. One of every 14 visits to doctors & clinics were for fever, cough & other symptoms of the flu. That's the highest level since the swine flu pandemic in 2009 Last week, 42 states reported high patient traffic for the flu, up from 39. Hospital stays because of the flu also increased."From Omaha World Herald (2/10): "It's now as bad as 2009 swine flu epidemic. The flu has further tightened its grip on the US. This season is now as bad as the swine flu epidemic 9 years ago. A government report out FRI shows 1 of every 13 visits to the doctor last week was for fever, cough & other symptoms of the flu. That ties the highest level seen in the US during swine flu in 2009. And it surpasses every winter flu season since 2003. This season started early & has been driven by a nasty type of flu that tends to put more people in the hospital & cause more deaths than other more common flu bugs."
COMMENTS: I'm proud to be a part of history. On the other hand, I'm being told by 2 family members who were diagnosed with influenza that their symptoms continue to linger after much longer than mine have so far. This past THU a pulmonologist told me that I wasn't contagious & should return to work. His exact words were, "If you wait to go back to work until your cough is gone, you'll be waiting for the next 6 weeks." Lovely.
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