A Mental Health Melt-Down + Bonus Devotional Thoughts

mental health MON 8/22

Update re:  Paul . . . Yes, Sometimes * It's All About Me . . . 

Several weeks ago I was blogging that I thought I was beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel . . . beginning to see myself climbing out of a depressive state which began around early April . . . a depressive state that was lingering . . . & I just couldn't seem to get on top of it.

Well, here's the thing . . . Yesterday I had what a non-medical health professional might describe as a "mental meltdown." ** I had big expectations for the day, but even before church ended . . . even while I was doing my grocery shopping before returning home . . . the signs were there.

• Pigging out on two--count 'em--two frosted cinnamon rolls, compliments of Hy-Vee. [My fault, not theirs; an impulse buy . . . still my fault.]
• Buying an Aunt Jemima microwaveable breakfast, also from Hy-Vee. [Their scrambled egg, meat, & hash brown breakfasts fall within my acceptable carb limit for any meal. Pancakes w/sausage + a dousing of regular pancake syrup? Not so much . . . And if Lois is seeing this for the first time . . . True confession time . . . & I am truly sorry that I let you down on multiple counts yesterday.]
• Then I basically crashed on the living room sofa for the rest of the afternoon.
• My personal accomplishments for the day? {1} Getting caught up on newspapers. {2} Clipping some newspaper articles for future blogs. {3} Getting a load of towels started in the washer. {4} Taking Sammy for a relatively short walk after Lois & I finished watching 3 previous episodes of MARVEL: Agents of Shield, which--by the way--only added to my demoralization. ***

* Sadly. I'm not proud of this.
** I would also characterize MYSELF as a "non-medical health professional."
*** I think that last season's NCIS is ready, which should cheer me up, because the good guys almost always win.

Lessons to take-away from my "mental meltdown" on SUN 8/23...maybe?

• Even when things seem to be sailing--or even gliding--along smoothly, a day of regression every once-&-awhile is to be expected.
• A "day of regression" doesn't necessarily signal a major relapse.
• Having said that, I am telling you--as part of my "blogging for self-therapy" regimen--that I am at least mildly anxious that I am on the precipice of a regression.

Why do I think that I might be on the precipice of a regression?

1. I am in a continued "difference of opinion" w/my insurance company--NOT CPS, just to clarify--re:  my health benefits. Until this "difference of opinion" is settled, I will continue to be w/o health coverage, which means paying out-of-pocket costs for some absolutely necessary & very expensive prescriptions, along w/some absolutely necessary doctors' & therapist apps. *
2. Technically, although my lifestyle most resembles that of someone in early retirement, ** I am technically not retired yet. 
3. However, my current status will most likely necessitate early retirement by NOV-DEC 2016. That is coming up all-too-quickly.
4. A side of me welcomes this development, because it will help me achieve a certain measure of closure. On the other hand, it creates another set of anxieties. *** I hope you will continue to pray for me.

* I am sincerely sorry, because I know that some of you hassle with this day-in & day-out, while I have generally been blessed w/a wonderful health plan.

** Although it's technically none of your business, for the sake of transparency, I turn 64-years-old in JAN.

*** O "me" of little faith. ****
**** Matt. 8:26, very loosely paraphrased according to PVLPT *****
***** Paul's Very Loosely Paraphrased Translation

A spiritual digression . . . for what it's worth

If you also suffer from chronic, clinical depression, I think you can relate to the following. It is ALWAYS tempting to see any depressive regression, episode, cycle, whatever also as a spiritual lapse, weakness, failure, whatever . . . and it may very well be that.
      I think there's plenty of empirical proof that there is an organic element to clinical depression. It follows that original sin--deeply rooted in our DNA from the time of Adam & Eve's sinful fall * --means that a whole host of physical & mental disorders also have organic roots. 
     So it's a good reminder for me to fall on the grace & mercy of Jesus Christ . . . & I hope you can find yourself also falling on His grace & mercy . . . because nothing else compares to promises like these from Holy Scripture:

• "But He [Christ] said to me [St. Paul], 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will all the more boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest on me." (2 Cor. 12:9)
• "All things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to His purpose." (Rom. 8:28; also part of our wedding text)

And how would you know that you are called according to God's purpose? Well, if you believe that Jesus is your Lord & Savior . . . if you believe that you are forgiven & have salvation through Him . . . You can be assured that He called you to be His son or daughter even before He created the world. That's a Truth from Scripture that I'm going to make you search for yourself!

* Oh, c'mon . . . You & I would have made the same choice. After all, the Garden of Eden was perfect . . . & that fresh fruit would have looked so tempting!

Reasons to be cheerful + optimistic + upbeat

• I think I already told you that we made a side-trip to Trader Joe's a couple of weekends ago while we were in Omaha for FishFest. [More on that in just a moment.] We love Trader Joe's, so we stocked up. Lois & I are both pretty adventurous when it comes to exotic, ethnic food, so I bought a microwaveable entree--Trader Joe's Lamb Vindaloo...Lamb in Spicy Curry Sauce w/Basmati Rice--which I microwaved for lunch today. It was delicious, albeit "Spicy," in keeping w/the "warning" on the package. 
• FishFest, which we attended at the Ralston Arena two Sundays ago, is billed as the "state's largest Christian fest," according to the Omaha World Herald "Go" Magazine." My favorite performance was by Matt Maher, & my favorite selection was "On My Way." A scripturally-sound lyric from the song, which I think expresses a scripturally sound hope:  "Can a dead man come back to life? Can a dead man come back to life? Well, this I know, I'm only alive, because of a man they call Jesus Christ! I'm a dead man walking, come back to life!" Fun facts re: Matt Maher:  He's Roman Catholic {but his wife is not}, & also serves as a worship leader.

Quotation from Brene' Brown *

"We don't need love & belonging & story-catching from everyone in our lives, but we need it from at least one person. If we have that one person or that small group of confidants, the best way to acknowledge these connections is to acknowledge our worthiness." (p. 47)

*SOURCE:  The Gifts of Imperfection, Hazelden (2010).

Reasons to be anxious . . . concerned . . . stressed? *

Taglines from Drudge Report (8/22) . . . I didn't bother to read the articles.

• "SUNNI ETREMISTS INFILTRATING USA...CROSING BORDER WITH EASE . . . "
• "WOMEN 'genetically programmed to have affairs' . . . "
• "NKorea threatens to turn USA into 'heap of ashes' . . . "
• "Chilling ISIS video calls on killers to replicate Nice terror attack . . . " [I would be even more stressed if we hadn't been reassured that we're dealing w/the junior varsity.]

From Lincoln Journal Star (8/19):  "Naked Trump statues greet 5 cities. A stark likeness of Republican presidential candidate "He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named" appeared on a Los Angeles street early THU morning--& boy, is it unflattering. It has a large pot belly, exaggerated varicose veins, a saggy butt, an expression that the artist described as a 'constipated scowl' & other unenviable features." [Two things that stressed me about this item:  {1} Obvious media bias, combined w/no statues apparently representing "She-Who-Should-Be-a-Felon." {2} Possibility of "stark likenesses" of the Democratic presidential candidate showing up in ANY cities.]

* May I remind you that it's NOT necessarily a good idea to search out reasons to be anxious, concerned and/or stressed when there are plenty of these items that will fall our way naturally w/o any extra effort on our part? Well, there . . . I just reminded you.