Shame + Guilt & Anxiety Update & Weather Anxiety

Shame & Guilt

Excerpts from "The Gifts of Imperfection:  Your Guide to a Wholehearted Life," by Brene' Brown. [My comments follow.]

• "What's the different between shame & guilt? The majority of shame researchers & clinicians agree that the difference between shame & guilt is best understood as the differences between 'I am bad" & "I did something bad.' Guilt = I did something bad. Shame = I am bad. Shame is about who we are, & guilt is about our behaviors . . . When we apologize for something we've done, make amends to others, or change a behavior that we don't feel good about, guilt is most often the motivator. Guilt is just as powerful as shame, but its effect is often positive while shame often is destructive . . . I found that shame corrodes the part of us that believes we can change & do better."  Emphases added, because her insight re:  apologizing, making amends & seeking to change a behavior that we don't feel good about comes close, in my opinion, to a theologically correct understanding of repentance. Is guilt most often what motivates repentance? That is a good question. What? You expect me to answer that, too? I will say that where I think she strays into dangerous territory is a path taken by most secular psychologists, i.e., the idea that we are inherently good people. Scripture teaches us that we are inherently sinful people, & it takes Jesus' intervention to make amends for that original sin.
• "Doesn't shame keep us in line? Along w/many other professionals, I've come to the conclusion that shame is much more likely to lead to destructive & hurtful behaviors than it is to be the solution. Again, it is human nature to want to feel worthy of love & belonging. When we experience shame, we feel disconnected & desperate for worthiness. Full of shame or the fear of shame, we are more likely to engage in self-destructive behaviors & to attack or shame others. In fact, shame is related to violence, aggression, depression, addiction, eating disorders, & bullying."  I can relate to what Brene' Brown is writing. It IS human nature to want to feel worthy of love & belonging, & shame can certainly drive us to feeling disconnected & desperate for worthiness. Does it make us more apt to violence, aggression, depression, addiction, eating disorders, & bullying? Well, I am not a mental health researcher, so I'm not sure I should render a decision. I do believe that if our only source of help is to look inwardly at our own resources, we may be headed down a dangerous path. Which is why you should check out this book yourself & give it a read, if you are so inclined, so you can get some research-based knowledge from a professional! The source follows. *

* The Gifts of Imperfection: Your Guide to a Wholehearted Life, by Brene' Brown. (Hazelden), 2010.

Anxiety Update

Re:  License Plates . . .   Lois was in Sioux Falls, SD, Dec 28-30, enjoying some holiday time w/our grand-daughter Brianna. Despite two sets of vigilant eyes, the ever-elusive New Hampshire license plate remained just that--ever elusive. We finished 2015 w/all 50 states, EXCEPT New Hampshire. The good news? I didn't lose any sleep over it. The encouraging news? We have friends who live in New Hampshire & we're hoping to see them @ my 45-year high school reunion in June. Crossing my fingers that they attend AND drive their car. 
      By the way, I was willing to make a last ditch effort to secure the missing license plate by getting up very, very early on Dec. 31, driving to the MOA & its related shopping complex, which I reasoned stood the best chance for locating a New Hampshire license plate, but my plan was vetoed as needlessly expensive & possibly reckless. An example of OCD or a selfless gesture to ease Lois' back pain? You be the judge. Speaking of which . . . 
Re:  Back Pain . . .   Lois returned from Sioux Falls with a severe case of lower back pain, possibly brought on by tossing our grand-daughter around in the hotel swimming pool. As one who has suffered off-&-on from chronic back pain for a long time, I sympathized & emphasized w/her. She obtained a muscle relaxant from her p.a. & has made use of them, although not nearly enough [in my opinion; but then she is the tough one in our family, not me].
      Meanwhile, I had to be reminded the hard way yet again that shoveling snow--even a single path down the driveway to the mailbox, along with a single path from the driveway to the front steps--also wreaks havoc on my lower back. So, if you could see the two of us stumbling, groaning, moaning, yes, even occasionally writhing in pain as we try to get in & out of bed w/o passing out, it would be a pitiful sight indeed. Is this cause for anxiety? Well, I'm anxious for Lois' sake, since today is Records Day for her--no school, but she's supposed to report to school to get her report cards finished, & I know she's not ready with her lesson plans & worksheets for the week. I'm anxious for myself because I have an Orphan Grain Train staff mtg @ 9:30a. Am I feeling excessively anxious? I don't think so. Looking for pity? Probably. *
* Uh, probably more like DEFINITELY.

Re:  Weather . . .   Not so much anxiety as an excuse for a . . . 

Leckband Temp Challenge

Based on the NOAA web site @ 6:43a (CST), all temps in F, ratings follow.

• #1, Norfolk, NE, 1/-9 wc
• #2, Eagan, MN, 12/no wc
• #3, Beatrice, NE, 17/8
• #4, Ventura, IA, 18/8
• #5, Lincoln, NE, 18/11
• #6, BALMIEST LECKBAND'S, Garrison, IA, 18/no wc

NOTES:  I hadn't intended to do a Temp Challenge, but when I checked the weather, as I usually do, to get myself psychologically * prepared to take Sammy for his early morning walk, the extreme temperature & wind chill in Norfolk made me curious. It wasn't just the contrast between our data & the rest, beginning w/Eagan's. It was the stark contrast. Let me repeat [because I like the phrase] . . . stark contrast.

      Also fascinating to me ** was the stark proximity of air temperatures recorded for Beatrice, Ventura, Lincoln, & Garrison. Carolyn should be pleased at her 3rd place ranking. The title of BALMIEST LECKBAND may seem antithetical *** when taking the temperature into consideration, but my crack team of temperature consultants insisted.

* Weak justification for inclusion of Temp Challenge in Mental Health Monday blog

** And it's my blog.

*** You don't know how long I've been waiting for a chance to use this word. ****

**** Come to think of it, neither do I. *****

***** I seem to have lost control of my blog this morning, & it's beginning to seem like more of a Monday edition of Whimsical WED. Whatever. So while I'm at it, I might as well do a little venting. You know that first pot of coffee you make after you've used vinegar to clean out your coffee maker? Even after you've run 2 pots of water thru you're machine, you still get a vinegary after-taste. Even the addition of Lois' fou-fou, peppermint mocha creamer can't quite mask it.