Play the lottery? + Teen master-mind + State of the Union

Whimsy

I realize that it's late in the day, but I had to rush this into "print" since this first excerpt would potentially be rendered obsolete.

From Omaha World Herald (1/11/16):  "Seeking  a quick fortune? Here's what you need to know about the Powerball jackpot ahead of WED's drawing:

• "Started from the Bottom, Now We're at $1.3 Billion. The jackpot for the twice-weekly game started at $40 million on Nov. 4 & has been growing ever since...the $1.3 billion figure is the world's largest--& is likely to get bigger. [Of course, you won't get $1.3 billion. SEE comment below.]
• "I'll Take All of the Combinations, For $584 Million. Lottery officials say 75% of the 292.2 million number combinations were purchased ahead of Saturday's drawing. Powerball officials will allow you to purchase all possible combinations, but it isn't a smart thing to do. At $2/ticket, the strategy would cost about $584 million, & when taxes are subtracted, you'd end up losing money... [As an English major, I could have easily fallen for this fallacy of logic.]
• "Luck of the Draw. Roughly 95% of Powerball tickets are computer-generated quick picks, so people's favorite numbers aren't really a factor. Officials don't track which numbers are most popular because so many are randomly generated. [I'd probably use one of my passwords, so if I won, my password would be publicized everywhere, allowing someone to hijack the account where I would deposit my Powerball winnings.]
• "The Payoff: Huge, Even After Taxes. A winner would have the option of being paid $1.3 billion through annual payments over 29 years or opting for one $806 million cash payment. But 39.6% of the lump sum would go to federal income taxes. Plus, most states would take a chunk... [Based on some quick calculations, using an Excel spreadsheet--bearing in mind that I'm an English major--the federal tax liability would be around $319 million, leaving me w/a balance of almost $487 million, not counting any state tax liability. If I won tonight's lottery, I could spend about $1,379,104 each day for the rest of 2016!]
• "Sharing Is Caring. Some people feel that pooling their money w/co-workers will improve their chance of winning--but w/such tiny odds, adding 50 or 100 chances doesn't give you a leg up. And if your group is lucky, lottery officials recommend preventing hard feelings by putting in writing how you plan to split the prize, since it's easy for misunderstandings to crop up when hundreds of millions of dollars are at stake. [Ya think?]
• "A Word of Caution. Texas Lottery's executive director trumpeted the big jackpot over the weekend but urged those hoping to hit it big not to spend more than they can afford. 'We're very concerned about people playing responsibly & not overspending,' Gary Grief said. 'It only takes one ticket to win." [Isn't this like alcohol advertisements that advise you to drink responsibly?]

I read in another source * that statistically your odds of dying on the way to purchase a lottery ticket were actually better than winning the lottery. As a member of the Nebraska Gamblers' Assistance Commission, I can confirm that the aforementioned material does NOT constitute a promotion of the Powerball Lottery.

* Which I conveniently cannot locate, so you will have to take my word for it.

Also from OWH (1/10):  "Not taking a flier on company airplanes. Mutual & Valmont decided owning a jet isn't worth the cost & put theirs up for sale." [Another reason why I might as well not consider buying a lottery ticket.]

Criminal Minds

From Lincoln Journal Star (1/10/16):  "Fans negate Buzzer-beater. When Sioux Falls senior guard Taylor Varsho nailed a 30' 3-pointer at the buzzer to give the Cougar women an apparent 59-58 win over Winona State, fans rushed the court in elation. The Friday night celebration was premature.
      "After reviewing the play, officials not only put fractions of a second back on the clock, but they called a technical foul on USF for fan interference. Winona State's Alexis Foley hit both free throws, & the Warriors escaped Sioux Falls with a 60-59 win." [Seems a little harsh, but I support the men * In black & white.]
*And/or men & women.

From Norfolk Daily News (1/8/16):  "Needed a plan. A teen accused of robbing a Detroit bank didn't have a good getaway plan. Police said a teller at a Chase bank activated electronic locks MON, trapping the 15-yr-old boy between a set of doors on his way out. He was arrested.
      "Office Dan Donakowski said the teen had threatened to use a bomb if the teller didn't give him money. Police don't believe he had a weapon." [Too young to have taken the ACT, but pretty safe to say this isn't an honor roll student.]

There Is No Place Like . . . 

China?

Also from OWH (1/10):  Furthermore (OWH Opinion Page):  "According to a recent CNN report, a Canadian company that sells bottled air & oxygen is seeing a big demand from smog-affected Chinese customers. Vitality Air says its first 500 canisters of Rocky mountain fresh air sold out quickly in China & orders for more are coming in fast." [This requires no comment.]

Political TUE . . . Special WED Edition

I did NOT watch the President's State of the Union Address last night. Why not? Two reasons. First of all, due to my amazingly perspicacious [I've been waiting to use this word for a long time.] talents, I could predict with almost 100% certainty the substance of his speech & the subsequent nature of the reaction to it. This allowed me to (1) not get all worked up; & therefore (2) get to sleep at a decent hour. Second reason:  It allows me, as a secondary English major, to put my education to good use. Here goes.

An English major's reaction to last night's State of the Union Address

POTUS' speech & the reaction of his minions:  It was the best of times.
Reaction of Republications & probably just about everybody else:  It was the worst of times.