Lutheran Schools Week postscript + Role models

Today's Theme

This is more of a reflection than a devotion. This past week [Jan. 24-30] was celebrated as National Lutheran Schools Week. I am hardly an unbiased observer of this annual event. My dad & mom were Lutheran educators. My wife continues to teach 1st grade @ Christ Lutheran School in Norfolk, NE. At one time my wife, brother & his spouse, sister, father, mother, & myself were all serving as Lutheran educators. My 3 children attended Lutheran schools from PreK thru Grade 12; one of them continued Lutheran education @ the Concordia University level before graduating from Concordia MN in St. Paul. I attended Lutheran schools from K-graduation from Concordia Teachers College in Seward, NE; also received my Masters from Concordia Seward.

I believe whole-heartedly in the mission & ministry of Lutheran schools. It stands to reason that--since we have such wonderful scriptural assurances re:  the transformation that comes about through the time we spend in His Holy Word--& since attendance at a Lutheran school virtually guarantees training in Holy Scripture, both Law & Gospel; taught & role-modeled by believers who are not only highly competent in what they do but also committed to the spiritual well-being of children--why wouldn't anyone want anything less for their children to spend an extra 7 hours per week day, hearing God's Word, listening to God's Word, studying God's Word, gathering with fellow believers in devotion & worship centered around God's Word; participating in group devotions & worship @ least daily, if not weekly? Oh, yeah . . . & being served by men & women who care not only about the mental & physical growth of young men & men, but also who care about their faith & character formation.

To my prejudiced way of thinking, the advantages of a Christian education at least through 12th grade far outweigh the advantages of marching band, orchestra, & a myriad of classes, clubs, sports & activities that many if not most smaller Lutheran schools cannot afford to provide. 

Well, of course I am biased, but I can't help but believe that 7 hours per week day in a Lutheran school trumps is something to be treasured for children. Not just little children, elementary-age children, & pre-pubescent children--maybe, especially high school students, who encounter a time in their lives when they may be most vulnerable to attacks upon their faith by satanic forces, our depraved culture & media, & rampant materialism.

And of course our own sinful nature doesn't need much prodding to chart its own course, apart from & sometimes openly disdainful of God's Will.

Are Lutheran schools perfect? If you have attended, are currently attending, have served in, are currently serving in a ministry of Lutheran education, you know that our schools include sinful people, living in a sinful world. And that means that there always has been & always will be unfortunate incidents, even unholy actions & attitudes, to be found between & among parents, students, teachers, coaches, administrators . . . I think you get the point.

Yet Christ still reigns supreme, because He is present in the Word. He is present in the hearts of His believers. Despite the shortcomings, Lutheran schools are a blessing. They are worth the investment of time, talent & treasure that we pour into them. And that an end to my "sermon" for today.

A Word from Scripture

"Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6 KJV

A Favorite Hymn

"Earth & All Stars," text by Herbert F. Brokering
Source:  Lutheran Worship, (Concordia Publishing House), 1982.

St. 1  Earth & all stars! Loud rushing planets! Sing to the Lord a new song!
Oh, victory! Loud shouting army! Sing to the Lord a new song!
(Refrain) He has done marvelous things. I too will praise Him with a new song.

St. 5  Classroom and labs! Loud boiling test tubes! Sing to the Lord a new song!
Athlete and band! Loud cheering people! Sing to the Lord!  (Refrain)

St. 6  Knowledge and truth! Loud sounding wisdom! Sing to the Lord a new song!
Daughter and son! Loud praying members! Sing to the Lord a new song!  (Refrain)

St. 7  Children of God, Dying and Rising, Sing to the Lord a new song!
Heaven and earth, Hosts everlasting, Sing to the Lord a new song!  (Refrain)

NOTES:  One of my favorite hymns, in part because it highlights themes re:  Lutheran education that are near & dear to me. I've selected the stanzas that I find most relevant to the phenomena known as National Lutheran Schools Week.

Today's Prayers *

For Christian Schools:  Almighty God, our heavenly Father, since You have committed the care & nurture of children to Your people, graciously enlighten those who teach & those who are committed to their instruction that they may kow the truth & trust in You all the days of their lives, through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

For Seminaries & Church Colleges:  O God, Source of all abiding knowledge, through Word & Spirit You both enlighten the minds & sanctify the lives of those whom You draw to Your service. Therefore look with favor on the seminaries & colleges of the Church, blessing those who teach & those who learn, that they may apply themselves with ready diligence to Your will & faithfully fulfill their service according to Your purpose; through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

* Source:  Lutheran Worship, (Concordia Publishing House), 1982.

Role Models

I was a professional church worker in the educational ministry of the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod, serving into my 40th year until early November, 2014, when I took a voluntary medical leave-of-absence. I knew I wanted to go into some kind of church work by the time I was in 8th grade, but it wasn't really until sometime in my early high school years that I felt some sort of call to be a teacher; & it wasn't until the mid-1980s that I began to feel a calling into some type of a more active administrative role in Lutheran  education.
        I could have chosen many more role models, but for the sake of brevity *. These are individuals who had a major impact not only on my life but, in particular, my journey into professional church work within the educational mission & ministry of the LCMS.
* Who am I kidding? Sometimes I just crack myself up.

A Father *

My dad was long-time teacher & principal of St. Paul's Lutheran School in Concordia, MO. I remember him as being long-suffering, a peacemaker, loyal to His Church & Synod, but, most importantly, loyal to his Savior. I interpreted his reaction to circumstances as evangelical, measured, patient, thoughtful. At times I felt that he was being taken advantage of & wished him to be more assertive. The older I got, the more I appreciated his character & his style of leadership. Truly a servant leader. Truly a godly man & role model.
* My dad is in heaven.

A Mother *

My mom will probably always make it hard for other church organists to measure up to my standards. I will always think of her as one of the best if not the best church organist I've ever encounted. Talented? Yes, but more. I will always remember how she faithfully walked from our teacherage, past the parsonage, to the St. Paul's Lutheran Church, for at least an hour each Saturday afternoon before she played the chimes that evening [The hymns were broadcast & able to be heard throughout the community of Concordia & beyond.] Weather was not a deterrence & neither was sickness. She easily could have "mailed it in," but I don't remember her ever slacking off. As far as I know, she persevered in this endeavor until a stroke cruelly robbed her of this gift in her early 70s. She also directed an awesome adult choir.
* My mom is in heaven.

A Teacher

My 7th grade year was not fun. There were 2 high schools in Concordia:  St. Paul's College High--the Lutheran High School were I was headed--& Concordia High School, the local public school. There was a long-standing rivalry between these two schools, & it could get brutal at times. Only 3 out of 31 classmates attended St. Paul's, & lines were beginning to be drawn at our grade school by the beginning of 7th grade. Larry Noack was our 7th grade teacher, & he helped me navigate what was in many ways a miserable year for me, as I found myself somewhat of a social outcast. Admittedly, I brought a lot of misery on myself, because I was a jerk. You might say I was more than a little competitive, & as classmates began to choose sides concerning the high school they would be attending, barbs were thrown around, & I wasn't one to back down. Although I didn't realize it at the time, Larry was a role model whose example I would strive to recall & follow when I entered the teaching profession. [As an added bonus, I got to serve alongside Larry for several years when we both taught at Lincoln Lutheran Junior High.] Thank you, Larry!

A Teacher/Coach/Counselor

Rick Gove was my high basketball & track coach. He also taught some courses & was our high school guidance counselor. He held us to high standards, both on & off the court [& pole-vaulting runway]; yet I always felt that he cared about us as people, not just athletes; had deeper lessons in mind for us than just winning games, track points & medals. He listened to me especially my senior year when I was dealing w/a very cynical outlook on life & having trouble communicating with my dad. Also a role model whose example I would strive to recall & follow when I entered the Christian education profession. [As an added bonus, I became Rick's "peer" when I started attending ALSS * conferences as a Lutheran administrator, while he still served as head administrator @ St. Paul's High School in Concordia, MO.] Thank you, Rick!
* Association of Lutheran Secondary Schools

An Administrator *

I was lazy at times in my first assignment as a teacher @ a Lutheran High School in Chicago. Roger Schmohe was my vice-principal. At least two incidents inspired me. First, there was a summer when I taught a summer class @ Luther North. There were some days when I hadn't put in enough time & effort. Students finished the next day's assignment in class, & I didn't feel like exercising more than a token amount of classroom discipline. My solution? I started letting the class out early. Until Roger noticed & paid me a visit. He could have read me the riot act. He SHOULD have read me the riot act. Instead, he sat down with me & asked if I was having trouble with my lesson planning. He offered to help me come up with lesson plans that would help me fill a complete class period. And he did it without being patronizing or demeaning. Did I feel guilty? You bet I did, but I never forgot how his approach didn't shame me. I tried--not nearly as successfully--to adapt his style into my own style of leadership.
       Here's the other memory that sticks with me. While I served at Luther North, a financial crisis was brewing. I'm not sure that many of us knew just how bad things were. One day after school I was in my classroom, grading papers or planning lessons, & Roger came into my classroom with a broom & trash basket. When I asked what he was doing, he explained that they had laid off a janitor & he had volunteered to do some cleaning at least for the time being in an effort to help save some money. An awesome, awesome role model. An awesome, awesome example of "foot-washing."
* Roger is in heaven.

fitbit update + NLSW anecdotes

It's National Lutheran Schools Week . . . But First . . . 

fitbit Update

I confess that I have been somewhat * slothful in checking my progress on my fitbit lately [for a variety of reasons that are none of your business]. On Wednesday, I got serious again. Temperatures were a little milder. I had remembered to bring my boots back from Sarah's, & Lois had informed me that Sammy has been tearing the stuffing out of the "mattresses" in his kennel, perhaps in protest that neither of us have been taking him out much lately.

In any case, I took Sammy for three walks on Wednesday & totaled around 12,600 steps. Impressed? I also slipped on the ice & fell during our early a.m. walk. Fortunately, I slipped next to the curb & landed in a snow bank, suffering nothing worse than a very sore left shoulder. When I told Lois later that day, she was very solicitous. ** But I digress.
* Very
** Yeah. Right.

It's National Lutheran Schools Week

I had originally planned to be more ambitious, but time * seemed to get away from me this week. Now it's Friday! Whatever. Here are some salient points.

• I am in Lincoln again this weekend, helping Sarah with my grand-daughters. This enabled me to accompany Hadley, my 6-yr-old twinkie **, to VIP Day @ Trinity Lutheran School. ***
• I'm going to share a few anecdotes from my time serving in Lutheran schools.
• Tomorrow my plan is to reminisce about some of the role models I was privileged to have as teachers & peers while attending & serving in Lutheran schools.

Luther North Chicago

From 1975-1980, I taught English & coached at Luther High School North in Chicago. It was my first call out of Concordia Seward. A spring-time tradition involved squirt guns. Student brought squirt guns & sought to victimize each other mercilessly. Teachers & administrators sought to confiscate squirt guns mercilessly. Actually, several professional strategies were employed. One teacher was notorious for confiscating squirt guns, dropping them on the floor & crushing them underfoot. [Yes, this did enrage some students. I admired this teacher.]

        The math department practiced a uniform strategy of confiscating squirt guns & collecting them in a box, which they kept in the math department office. Very impressive! They were also willing to share their loot with their peers. Also very impressive.

        We were not allowed to frisk students for obvious reasons. Also, nobody demanded that students hand over their squirt guns, also for obvious reasons, unless we caught them in the act. One spring a compatriot & I had what we considered to be an ingenious solution. Thanks to donated weapons from the math department, he & I would set our sites on likely suspects, sneak up behind them & squirt them. Inevitably, the hapless victims would draw their weapons, whirl around & open fire on . . . A TEACHER! Bwah-ha-ha!

        With considerable protest, they would surrender their weapons. ["No fair! Entrapment!" Whatever.] We would keep the squirt guns if they were superior to ours or donate them back to the math department.

        One day I got a little carried away. There were a couple of freshmen boys in my reading class that I was 99.9% certain were armed & dangerous. I had my students arrange themselves in a half-circle & take turns reading from a short story. I positioned myself behind the miscreants. I timed my firepower perfectly, nailing both of them in the backs of their heads in a matter of 1-2 seconds. And on cue, they drew their weapons & returned fire. After we all had a good laugh, mostly at my expense, I confiscated their weapons.

        This drew howls of protest from the perpetrators &, in fact, many of their peers, but also cheers from classmates who had been their victims. So what happened, you ask? They snitched on me to our Dean of Students, who visited me, informed me that my behavior was unprofessional, confiscated MY weapon, & ordered me to cease & desist. Spoil sport.

Lincoln Lutheran Junior High #1

During my first year at Lincoln Lutheran [1980-81], I had a wretched group of 9th grade boys. [If any of you are reading this, you know it's true. Be thankful that I'm not naming names.] One day just after school started, I started bragging about my '78 'vette. They laughed in scorn. "No way do you drive a 'vette, they laughed. "It's parked out in front," I countered. "Wanna bet?" Well, of course they did. I don't even remember the bet, but I walked my homeroom outside & showed them the proof. There it was. My 1978 CheVETTE. 

        Naturally, the boys howled in protest. As I remember it, the girls thought it was hilarious. I demanded payment. Once again, I was victimized by snitches who told the principal, who informed me that it would be unprofessional AND unethical to collect such a bet with my students. Spoiled brats.

Lincoln Lutheran Junior High #2

After become principal at Lincoln Lutheran, I started publishing a weekly newsletter called the "Blue & Gold." We sent it home w/students every Thursday. One year the Thursday edition happened to fall on April 1. Here's what I did. ****

• I made the masthead much bigger, changed the font, & changed the name to the "GLUE & BOLD."
• I featured the date--April 1--prominently under the masthead.
• My lead article informed parents that we had leased 10 acres of our property to a company to use as a nuclear waste facility. At the time, this was a hot topic in Nebraska, because a company was trying to open such a facility in Boyd County.
• My 2nd article announced that Lincoln Lutheran would be instituting uniforms the next school year, & it went on to describe the uniforms in detail.

Lois was a stay-at-home mom that year, I think with our youngest. By the time I got home, she had several messages from irate parents. Their children were angry & demanding that their parents let them transfer to other schools next year so they wouldn't have to attend Lincoln Lutheran & wear the dreaded uniforms.

For the record, I didn't get a single phone call protesting the leasing of our property for a nuclear waste facility. [If you are reading this & you were one of those parents, see **** below.]

* And effort

** It's a term of endearment. Seriously!

*** For the record, during the time we lived in Lincoln [1980-1993], Lois taught @ Trinity, & our 3 children--Nathan, Sarah, & Rachel, attended Trinity until Lois & I accepted calls to Hawaii in 1993. Our grand-daughters have been attending Trinity & have been blessed with some of the same teachers that their mother had. This year Hadley's kindergarten teacher is one of my former students from Lincoln Lutheran Junior High.

**** Yes, I am still proud of myself.

Where Was I? 1-Year Anniversary + Reasons for Anxiety +Token Mental Health Quip

Blogging for Mental Health

You may have noticed * that no blogs have been forthcoming from me for awhile. What happened, you ask? **

• For reasons still unclear, Yahoo had replaced Google as my search engine.
• My daughter Sarah was able to get Google restored as my search engine, but when I tried to get onto Google Chrome, I was asked for my user name & password.
• In technical parlance, this resulted in "issues," i.e., I couldn't remember either, which necessitated a texting conversation with my son Nathan . . . 
• . . . But not before I hit the "need help" link for help in restoring my connection. This was a grievous *** error on my part. 
• My son finally got me on the right track, & here I am. Now, where was I? Ah, yes . . . 

* Or I may just be flattering myself & you haven't noticed at all.

** Looks like I'm telling you whether you ask or not.
*** It's GREE-vus, not GREE-VEE-us!

Blogging for Mental Health

I think I've mentioned before that a primary reason I blog is for my own self-therapy. I'd like to think that at least some of my musings may result in the betterment of the mental health of other people, but that would be a bonus. For whom? I'm not sure. Again, I could be flattering myself, but it's my blog. Now that we've gotten that out of the way . . . 

A Year Ago

Lois & I were at Shepherd's Canyon Retreat, near Wickenburg, AZ, about one year ago. It was a life-changing experience for us--one that we are truly grateful for. So much has happened since then, but I'll save that for another blog entry.*
* Maybe.

Reasons to be Anxious?

From Lincoln Journal Star (1/10/16):  "Diapered tot drives motorized big wheel. Authorities say they found a 3-yr-old in a diaper driving a motorized big wheel alongside a busy FL highway, reports say . . . Authorities didn't release the father's name. Reports say he told deputies he was in the bathroom when his son used a small chair to unlock a door & left without his knowledge." [Prediction? If I stick w/this blog long enough, & if you remain a loyal reader long enough, this young man may turn up in the future as an item featured under "Criminal Minds."]

Also from LJS (1/22):  "Kerry:  Iran sanctions relief no threat. Secretary of State John Kerry acknowledged Thursday that some of the money Iran receives from sanctions relief may be used to fund terrorist activities, but he said the Obama administration does not believe it will increase the threat to U.S. allies in the Middle East." [Wait . . . what?]

Token Brene' Brown Quote *

"Don't try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer."

* Text received from my daughter Sarah on 1/16/16.

Huzzah!

Leckband Temp Challenge

Ratings

Based on NOAA web site @ 6:57a (CST):

• #1, Ventura, IA (my niece Christal), -11/-28 wind chill
• #2, Eagan, MN (my son Nathan), -12/-24
• #3, Beatrice, NE (my sister Carolyn), -12/no wc
• #4, Garrison, IA (my brother Mark), -6/-22
• #5, HONORARY LECKBAND'S! Great Lakes, IL (SEE note below), -5/-19
• #6, Lincoln, NE (my daughter Sarah), -6/no wc
• #7, BALMIEST LECKBAND'S! Norfolk, NE (includes my daughter Rachel *), -5/no wc

Notes

> While -28 wind chill pales in comparison to -37 wind chill, -28 is nothing to feel badly about.
> Once again, I can only speculate that one must feel chagrined to live closest to the Arctic Circle & finish no better than 2nd.
> Knowing that Beatrice's weather conditions include 3" of fresh snow that fell from Saturday night into early Sunday, I was tempted to bump them up, but my crack team of Temp Consultants wouldn't hear of it.
> My nephew Kory is stationed at Great Lakes, IL, which is located on the beautiful but frigid shores of Lake Ice Berg. His wife Erose is celebrating her birthday today. Happy Birthday, Erose! This is a great honor!
> My daughter Rachel, her husband Derek, our grandson Derek, & their livestock live just a few miles outside of Norfolk in Woodland Park, so they are always included in Norfolk's rating. Congratulations, Broders!

A Special Distinction Noted Today!

LECKBAND TEMP CHALLENGE

Rankings

At 7:48a (CST), based on data from NOAA website, here are this morning's rankings.

• #1, Ventura, IA, -15/-37 wind chill
• #2, Eagan, MN, -14/-32
• #3, Beatrice, NE, -11/-28
• #4, Garrison, IA, -7/-24
• #5, Norfolk, NE, -6/-20
• #6, BALMIEST LECKBAND, Lincoln, NE, -6/no wc

Notes

It must be at least mildly irritating to live closest to the Arctic Circle, yet fare no better than 2nd place this morning. It must be somewhat gratifying to live closest to the equator & still finish in the Top 3 this morning.
      I feel doubly honored this morning. My hometown came just that close to achieving that dubious distinction of "Balmiest Leckband." Sorry, Lois! Yet here I am in Lincoln, Nebraska, where I am helping Sarah w/the little girls this weekend while Craig is away . . . Wait a minute! What was I thinking?

• #7, HONORARY BALMIEST LECKBAND, Salt Lake City, UT, 32/25.

CONGRATULATIONS, CRAIG!

The Truth about Baptism, Part II

WALKING IN THE TRUTH

Today's Scripture

[St. Paul writes] "What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized in His death? We were therefore buried with Him through baptism into death in order that, jut as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."  Romans 6:1-4

Today's Devotional Thoughts

Whew! This sounds like deep stuff, but follow me here. I originally wrote this with high school students in mind, including freshmen. * 
* If any high school freshmen are reading this, I mean you no offense.

• His death was a sacrifice that God accepted in lieu of our eternal death for our sins. 
• His death, therefore, was a substitute for our death.
• In our Baptism, therefore, our sinful nature was drowned, was killed, was buried with Christ.
• His sacrificial death paid for our sins.
• Our Baptism became a means of grace--God's undeserved love--accepted by God the Father as Jesus' sacrifice on our behalf. [A little redundancy never hurt anyone.]
• It was Jesus' victory over death.
• His resurrection from the dead is shared by us . . . is our spiritual resurrection.
• We are therefore "buried with Him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."
• We are forgiven & saved, become part of God's family, & blessed with saving faith in Jesus as our Lord & Savior. **

Today's Prayer

We praise You, O Lord, for the living waters of Baptism, by which we are forgiven & saved. For those among us who may not yet be believers, let Your Spirit work in their hearts that they may receive You. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.

** Someday we will also be physically raised from the dead to live with Christ & all believers in heaven for eternity. Don't take my word for it. Search the scriptures!

A plethora of political + criminal + culinary + partisan commentary

fitbit Friday
Quick fitbit Update

At 11:40a, (CST), my app tells me that I've burned 867 calories so far today. Interesting, since I didn't put my fitbit bracelet on this morning, because it hasn't been recording my steps lately. It might have something to do w/the message I've been getting on my app, which says, "Update available"?!

Political TUE . . . on Friday

From Norfolk Daily News (1/5/16):  "Lot of Hot Air," column by Cal Thomas. If representatives of the nearly 200 nations gathered in Paris for the United Nations Conference on Climate Change had instead formed a coalition to fight a real threat--Islamic terrorism--they might have accomplished something useful. Instead what they came up w/is a document that even Secretary of State John Kerry, in a rare moment of candor, confessed is pointless , , , There has been a near complete complete media blackout & intimidation of anyone presenting contrary scientific evidence disproving the theory that Earth is warming & humans are responsible . . . 

      "Remote Sensing Systems (RSS) is a scientific research company located in Northern California *, specializing in satellite microwave remote sensing of the Earth. According to RSS, the Earth's temperature has not increased in the last 18 yrs & 9 months, a record."

* California...that hotbed of ultra-conversation climate-change doubters!

      "As previously noted in this column, predictions of global warming have been based on imperfect computer models. That those models do not reflect reality has not affected the minds or policies of people who worship at the altar of government & wish to impose additional regulations on already overburdened corporations & individuals."  [In the interest of fairness, I'm giving well-known liberal pundit Leonard Pitts equal time in my valuable blogging space.]

From Lincoln Journal Star (1/15/16):  "Fighting ignorance with call for peace," (column by Leonard Pitt's Jr.) As a general rule, I loathe both Holocaust & slavery comparisons. Sadly, such comparisons have become more common in recent years even though, almost by definition, they trivialize two of the greatest crimes in human history. When GOP senatorial candidate John Raese declared that having to place 'smoke-free environment' stockers on bldgs he owned was the 'same thing' as Jews being forced to wear yellow Stars of David & when eventual GOP presidential candidate Ben Carson claimed the ACA 'in a way...is slavery,' what was revealed was not some eye-dropping insight on stop-smoking campaigns & healthcare reform, but, rather, the historical illiteracy, incapacity for reverence & utter imbecility of the 2 men & anyone dumb enough to believe them. [emphasis added]

      "So yes, ordinarily I loathe such comparisons. Yet I'm here to make one. Because, as more than one observer has noted, the parallels between the rise of Adolf Hitler & that of Donald Trump have become too neon to ignore."  

• [Had Mr. Pitts added abortion & made it one of three greatest crimes in human history, I might have read with a more sympathetic eye.
• Is Mr. Pitts suggesting that "he who shall not be named" & his supporters are operating in the same environment as Adolph Hitler & his supporters in Germany, circa 1920s & 1930s?]

Criminal Minds

From Omaha World Herald (1/11/16):  "Allergies? Blame Neanderthals. As recently as 2010, it was considered scientifically dubious & frankly somewhat indecent to suggest that humans might once have interbred w/Neanderthals . . . 6 years & several massive projects to map the Neanderthal & human genomes later, we now know that there was more than a little hanky-panky going on some tens of thousands of years ago . . . "  [DEPT OF IMAGINARY PRESS CONFERENCES . . . "Affluenza" Teen's Mom: My son deserves far more sympathy from the press & public than he seems to be getting!  REPORTER:  Are you still claiming that he's the innocent victim of "affluenza"?  MOM:  No! I'm claiming that he's the innocent victim of Neanderthal DNA!]

Also from NDN (1/12):  "Case dismissed. A federal judge has dismissed a nude protester's claim that police violated his rights by arresting him while he played violin stark-naked outside the federal courthouse in Portland. Matthew Mglej (sic) of Hillsboro, OR, sued the Portland police & the county last JAN, seeking $1.1 million in damages. The 26-yr-old was arrested for indecent exposure in May 2014 . . . the judge said Mglej's nudity didn't advance a specific message, so it wasn't protected by either the 1st Amendment or the state constitution."  [I would be a lot more sympathetic toward this guy had he been arrested for playing the violin nude in January in Nebraska to protest global climate change.]

Food for Thought

Also from OWH (1/11):  "A goat meant to be dinner for tiger is now a friend. An unlikely friendship between a tiger & a goat who was supposed to be his dinner has charmed Russia. In a zoo in the far reaches of Siberia, predator & prey have become best buddies. Amur the tiger & Timur the goat's charmed life started in late NOV, when Amur decided not to eat the goat when it was unleashed into his enclosure. The intention was that the goat would be a gastronomic delight, not a play pal. But instead the 2 animals appear to have bonded, sharing a good bowl & appearing to play w/each other by romping through Amur's pen."  [Maybe this tiger is a vegan?]

Wait . . . What?

Also from OWH (1/14):  "Portables no wee concern. Building boom, outdoor events give potty providers more regular customers. {caption under picture follows} A-Relief Services' Watson services a porta-potty in Omaha. Rob French, the owner of A-Relief, says he has doubled his stable of portable restrooms, from 600 to 1,200, to keep up w/demand. 'We've done well,' he said."  [As the possibility of early retirement weighs heavily on my mind, this opens up a possibility for a career change instead.]

There Is No Place Like . . . 

England?

Also from NDN (1/12):  "Too sunny. It's the dark days of one of the rainiest British winters on record. So some London commuters were surprised to hear their trains had been delayed because of the sun. A rail operator tweeted TUE that 'we had severe congestion through Lewisham due to dispatching issues as a result of strong sunlight.' The company said low winter sun was hitting monitors at an angle that meant the drivers could not see them."  [England swings.] *

* For many, if not most of you, this will only make sense if you follow the link.

Nebraska?!

Also from LJS (1/14):  "Video alleges fraternity member's branding. UNL police are investigating a video posted to social media in 2014 that allegedly shows a Phi Kappa Psi fraternity member being branded with the organization's symbols."  [When I was a freshman @ St. Paul's College High in 1967 or 1968, Tex Castens, a junior whom I looked up to, * gave me $5 & ordered me off-campus to fetch him some french fries from Creemy Freeze over the lunch hour. I suppose I should be grateful.]

* He was the captain of our intramural football team.

Ditto:  "Krispy Kreme opening Tuesday. Krispy Kreme will open its first Lincoln location TUE."  [They are loaded w/anti-oxidants.]

Play the lottery? + Teen master-mind + State of the Union

Whimsy

I realize that it's late in the day, but I had to rush this into "print" since this first excerpt would potentially be rendered obsolete.

From Omaha World Herald (1/11/16):  "Seeking  a quick fortune? Here's what you need to know about the Powerball jackpot ahead of WED's drawing:

• "Started from the Bottom, Now We're at $1.3 Billion. The jackpot for the twice-weekly game started at $40 million on Nov. 4 & has been growing ever since...the $1.3 billion figure is the world's largest--& is likely to get bigger. [Of course, you won't get $1.3 billion. SEE comment below.]
• "I'll Take All of the Combinations, For $584 Million. Lottery officials say 75% of the 292.2 million number combinations were purchased ahead of Saturday's drawing. Powerball officials will allow you to purchase all possible combinations, but it isn't a smart thing to do. At $2/ticket, the strategy would cost about $584 million, & when taxes are subtracted, you'd end up losing money... [As an English major, I could have easily fallen for this fallacy of logic.]
• "Luck of the Draw. Roughly 95% of Powerball tickets are computer-generated quick picks, so people's favorite numbers aren't really a factor. Officials don't track which numbers are most popular because so many are randomly generated. [I'd probably use one of my passwords, so if I won, my password would be publicized everywhere, allowing someone to hijack the account where I would deposit my Powerball winnings.]
• "The Payoff: Huge, Even After Taxes. A winner would have the option of being paid $1.3 billion through annual payments over 29 years or opting for one $806 million cash payment. But 39.6% of the lump sum would go to federal income taxes. Plus, most states would take a chunk... [Based on some quick calculations, using an Excel spreadsheet--bearing in mind that I'm an English major--the federal tax liability would be around $319 million, leaving me w/a balance of almost $487 million, not counting any state tax liability. If I won tonight's lottery, I could spend about $1,379,104 each day for the rest of 2016!]
• "Sharing Is Caring. Some people feel that pooling their money w/co-workers will improve their chance of winning--but w/such tiny odds, adding 50 or 100 chances doesn't give you a leg up. And if your group is lucky, lottery officials recommend preventing hard feelings by putting in writing how you plan to split the prize, since it's easy for misunderstandings to crop up when hundreds of millions of dollars are at stake. [Ya think?]
• "A Word of Caution. Texas Lottery's executive director trumpeted the big jackpot over the weekend but urged those hoping to hit it big not to spend more than they can afford. 'We're very concerned about people playing responsibly & not overspending,' Gary Grief said. 'It only takes one ticket to win." [Isn't this like alcohol advertisements that advise you to drink responsibly?]

I read in another source * that statistically your odds of dying on the way to purchase a lottery ticket were actually better than winning the lottery. As a member of the Nebraska Gamblers' Assistance Commission, I can confirm that the aforementioned material does NOT constitute a promotion of the Powerball Lottery.

* Which I conveniently cannot locate, so you will have to take my word for it.

Also from OWH (1/10):  "Not taking a flier on company airplanes. Mutual & Valmont decided owning a jet isn't worth the cost & put theirs up for sale." [Another reason why I might as well not consider buying a lottery ticket.]

Criminal Minds

From Lincoln Journal Star (1/10/16):  "Fans negate Buzzer-beater. When Sioux Falls senior guard Taylor Varsho nailed a 30' 3-pointer at the buzzer to give the Cougar women an apparent 59-58 win over Winona State, fans rushed the court in elation. The Friday night celebration was premature.
      "After reviewing the play, officials not only put fractions of a second back on the clock, but they called a technical foul on USF for fan interference. Winona State's Alexis Foley hit both free throws, & the Warriors escaped Sioux Falls with a 60-59 win." [Seems a little harsh, but I support the men * In black & white.]
*And/or men & women.

From Norfolk Daily News (1/8/16):  "Needed a plan. A teen accused of robbing a Detroit bank didn't have a good getaway plan. Police said a teller at a Chase bank activated electronic locks MON, trapping the 15-yr-old boy between a set of doors on his way out. He was arrested.
      "Office Dan Donakowski said the teen had threatened to use a bomb if the teller didn't give him money. Police don't believe he had a weapon." [Too young to have taken the ACT, but pretty safe to say this isn't an honor roll student.]

There Is No Place Like . . . 

China?

Also from OWH (1/10):  Furthermore (OWH Opinion Page):  "According to a recent CNN report, a Canadian company that sells bottled air & oxygen is seeing a big demand from smog-affected Chinese customers. Vitality Air says its first 500 canisters of Rocky mountain fresh air sold out quickly in China & orders for more are coming in fast." [This requires no comment.]

Political TUE . . . Special WED Edition

I did NOT watch the President's State of the Union Address last night. Why not? Two reasons. First of all, due to my amazingly perspicacious [I've been waiting to use this word for a long time.] talents, I could predict with almost 100% certainty the substance of his speech & the subsequent nature of the reaction to it. This allowed me to (1) not get all worked up; & therefore (2) get to sleep at a decent hour. Second reason:  It allows me, as a secondary English major, to put my education to good use. Here goes.

An English major's reaction to last night's State of the Union Address

POTUS' speech & the reaction of his minions:  It was the best of times.
Reaction of Republications & probably just about everybody else:  It was the worst of times.

The Truth about Baptism, Part I

WALKING IN THE TRUTH

Today's Scripture

"Then the eleven disciple went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw Him, they worshiped Him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, 'All authority in heaven & on earth has been given to Me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."  Matthew 28:16-20

Today's Devotional Thoughts

Here is a passage that is key to the scriptural understanding of Baptism. Jesus--the Way, the Truth, & the Life--uses His authority to command us, His disciples of all times & ages, to go into all the world & make disciples. How?

• We are to baptize.
• We are to teach all that He has commanded us.

We baptize in the name of the Holy Trinity. We teach the Gospel that through Jesus Christ alone we have forgiveness & salvation. Baptism confers upon us the forgiveness & salvation that Christ won for us on the cross. It is not the water alone [which may sound familiar if you were confirmed in a Lutheran church]. It is the water connected to God's Word, the source of our faith, the authority for all we believe.

Today's Prayer

We praise You, O Lord, for the living waters of Baptism, by which we are forgiven & saved. For those among us who may not yet believe in You as Lord & Savior, let Your Holy Spirit work in their hearts that they may yet receive You & become a child of God. We pray in the name of the Son of God, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Struggles w/authenticity + Reasons for anxiety (including "they who shall not be named")

Mental Health Monday

Authenticity

Here are some more excerpts from The Gifts of Imperfection: Your Guide to a Whole-Hearted Life, by Brene' Brown. My [insights] follow.

"The idea that we can choose authenticity makes most of us feel both hopeful & exhausted...Most of us are drawn to warm, down-to-earth, honest people, & we aspire to be like that in our own lives. We feel exhausted because without even giving it too much thought, most of us know that choosing authenticity in a culture that dictates everything from how much we're supposed to weigh to what our houses are supposed to look like is a huge undertaking." [emphasis added] (p. 50) [Style vs Substance. That's how I like to frame the issue.]

"Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be & embracing who we are:  Choosing authenticity means

• "cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries,& to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; [Someone many years ago told me that I must be a perfectionist. This came after seeing the black hole of clutter that comprised the multiple stacks of work on my desk at school. When I expressed skepticism, he laid out his theory. "A perfectionist has trouble starting a project until everything is just right. However, since rarely is everything "just right," things tend to pile up until they become overwhelming." I think he may have been on to something.]
• "exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength & struggle; & [I'm not sure I fathom this. Maybe it's psychobabble? Or a symptom of not enough caffeine yet this morning.]
• nurturing the connection & sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough." (p. 50) [This I can fathom. It's the sense that one is never quite good enough...that there is always something more that needs to be accomplished...something more that is lacking...something missing in life's equation.

I tried to put up a good front, but I wasn't really fooling those who knew me the best [that would be my spouse] & those who worked closest w/me [that would have been my office staff]. They could see that I was drowning in a sea of administrivia which culminated in burn-out...but what does that have to do with authenticity?

      I think the connection has to do w/trying so hard to live up to the expectations of everyone else that one loses sight of the answer to this question:  Is it really everyone else's expectations that I was trying to meet, or was it my own expectations? 

      Well, this is starting to veer off into a personal track that I'm just not feeling mentally up to tackling this morning. In fact, I feel like I'm sort of rambling?!

      I highlighted the passage that really seemed to speak the most directly to me. Now it's seriously time for my second cup of coffee. *

* Green Mountain Sumatran Reserve, provided by my thoughtful daughter Sarah, who also gave me this book.

Reasons for Anxiety

POLITICAL:  From Lincoln Journal Star (1/8/16):  "Planned Parenthood to endorse Clinton. The political arm of Planned Parenthood is to endorse Hillary clinton in New Hampshire on SUN, a Clinton campaign official confirmed." [This is no surprise. The source of anxiety is the knowledge that "she who shall not be named" could very well be our next president," & the blood-bath will continue.]

FOOD FOR THOUGHT:  From "Better Health" * (Winter 2015):  "Bread & rolls are the #1 source of salt in the American diet, accounting for more than twice as much sodium as found in salty foods like potato chips." [I'm not much of a chip eater, but, unfortunately, I do like ** my bread & rolls. Hence, a source of anxiety ***.]
* Published by Concordia Plan Services.                                                                                                          ** "Like" is maybe too mild to describe how I feel about bread & rolls.                                                            *** Theoretically I am supposed to be keeping a strict watch on my carbs. Theoretically. Sodium? Whatever.

TAGLINES FROM DRUDGE REPORT (1/11) BUT I COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO READ THE ARTICLES:

• "Schlafly makes case for President Trump...
• "Human organs growing inside sheep & pigs..."

Special Bonus Temp Challenge

Leckband Temp Challenge

SPECIAL NOTE:  I hadn't intended to do a Temp Challenge today, especially since I had already posted a Sunday devotional. However, through force of habit, I checked the temperature when I got up this morning. * On the assumption that Norfolk had a fair shot at finishing #1, I decided to follow-through w/the rest of the Leckband's. Sadly, the best Norfolk could muster was #4. My sense of integrity, especially after attending Bible class & church at Trinity Lincoln this morning [I would have felt no less compelled, had I spent this morning at Grace Norfolk.], compelled me to post the results. Here goes.

At 7:50a (CST), all temps in F, ratings follow.

#1, Ventura, IA, -12/-35 wind chill
#2, Eagan, MN, -10/-28
#3, Garrison, IA, -5/-26  **
#4, Norfolk, NE, -9/-21  **
#5, Beatrice, NE, -3/-14 ***
#6, Lincoln, NE, -2/-13  ***

MORE NOTES

* I am usually up earlier than this, since I typically get up when Lois gets up, but this morning I actually didn't wake up until a little after 7:00a. [I didn't have to take Sammy for a walk.]
** I had to employ the LTCDE to determine 3rd place, & Garrison edged Norfolk by the slimmest of margins. [If you don't remember what LTCDE stands for, you'll just have to find it in a previous post.] 
*** I employed the LTCDE to determine 5th place. It wasn't as close as it appears.

Since my crack team of Temp Consultants is back in Norfolk, while I remain in Lincoln, helping w/my grand-daughters, I choose NOT to recognize any BALMIEST LECKBAND again today. However, I am happy to recognize Ventura as #1 w/only the slightest bit of jealousy.

Back to the Basics, Part II

WALKING IN THE TRUTH

Today's Scripture

"Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path." Psalm 119:105

"'We are witnesses of everything He did in the country of the Jews and in Jerusalem. They killed Him on a cross, but God raised Him from the dead on the third day and caused Him to be seen. He was not seen by all the people, but by witnesses whom God has already chosen--by us who ate and drank with Him after He rose from the dead. He commanded us to preach to the people and to testify that He is the one whom God appointed as judge of the living and the dead. All the prophets testify about Him that everyone who believes in Him receives forgiveness of sins through His name.'" Acts 10:39-43

Today's Devotional Thoughts

If Jesus is the only source of forgiveness, where can I go to discover or reaffirm the source of that Truth? I'm going to fall back on Martin Luther, who wrote, "Therefore, whoever wants to read the Scriptures correctly & with profit, let him make sure that he finds Christ in them. Then he will certainly find eternal life. On the other hand, if I do not study & learn in the writings of Moses & the Prophets that for the sake of my salvation Christ descended from heaven, became man, suffered, died, was buried, rose again, & ascended to heaven, in order that through Him I might have reconciliation with God, forgiveness of all my sins, grace, righteousness, & eternal life, then my reading of Scripture will not help me for salvation one bit." *

My conclusions:

• Jesus is the only source of forgiveness.
• Scripture is the source of that Truth.
• Read Scripture to search for the True Jesus of Scripture.
• Are you reading Scripture to find errors, contradictions, permission to lead an unholy lifestyle? That's not why God gave us the Holy Scripture, & you are treading on dangerous ground!
• After 63 years [It was my birthday on 1/7/16.], I still find myself growing & needing to grow still more in my knowledge & understanding of the True Jesus of Scripture.

Today's Prayer Thoughts

Ask God to deepen your understanding of Scripture as you read His Word & grow in your knowledge & understanding of Christ.

* Source:  From "Proper Reading of the Scriptures" in Martin Luther Day-By-Day, (Concordia Publishing House), 2006. **
** Just so you know, I'm providing this link as a service for the reader. I receive nothing for it in return. I use this book as part of my daily "quiet time" & find it to be a very useful resource.

Birthday reflections + Special perfume + More

Leckband Temp Challenge

Based on the NOAA web site, readings @ 7:35a (CST):

• #1, Norfolk, NE, 4/wind chill -12
• #2, Ventura, IA, 6/-13
• #3, Eagan, MN, 7/-9
• #4, Lincoln, NE, 16/-1
• #5, Garrison, IA, 19/5
• #6, Beatrice, NE, 17/0

NOTES:  I hadn't intended on doing a Temp Challenge this morning, but after checking the weather in Norfolk, my competitive nature suggested that we might have a chance at #1. By the slimmest of margins, after employing the highly technical LTCDE *, Norfolk did, in fact, edge out Ventura. Matt & Carolyn, I hope you're not offended, but I'm in Lincoln, my crack team of temp consultants are back home in Norfolk, & even though Beatrice finished #6, your temp readings are just not indicative--in my opinion--of a BALMIEST LECKBAND recognition this morning. Feel free to appeal my decision.

* Leckband Temp Challenge Differential Equation

Reflections on my 63rd Birthday

. . .  which I "celebrated on THU 1/7. I was amazed at all the "Happy Birthdays" I received via Facebook, & I appreciated every one of them. Thank you! Most of them were kind. As for those that weren't? Well, like it says in the Bible *, "What goes around, comes around."

      It was a pretty uneventful birthday. Lois insisted that I open BOTH of her birthday cards as soon as I got up. They were appropriately heart-felt yet . . . appropriately heart-felt. Although she begged & begged to let her make me breakfast, I demurred **, but I did let her help me make the bed.

      The gang @ Orphan Grain Train *** has a tradition of gathering together at morning break time to enjoy birthday camaraderie, fellowship, & treats. It was my turn to be feted that morning. The birthday cards were appropriately heart felt yet . . . appropriately heart-felt. [NOTE previous comment.] I treated the group to a delicious assortment of donut holes, catered by Hy-Vee & there was much jocularity. ****

      After I packing, I took off for Lincoln, where I will spend a "long" weekend helping take care of my grand-daughters. ***** I ran into fairly heavy snow showers & correspondingly treacherous driving conditions a little north of Seward & between Seward & Lincoln but made it safely to the Worley's in time for supper. I was treated to a birthday cake & ice cream. I did think it was a little tacky for someone to take the 6 from the 63-candles & turn it upside down. ******

* If it doesn't, it should.

** Because that's just the kind of guy I am.

*** I am the official, voluntary correspondent of OGT. It looks good on my resume'.

**** To quote Father Mulcahy(sp?). Anybody else remember that episode on M*A*S*H*?

*****My son-in-law Craig left early Friday morning for four weeks of National Guard training in Salt Lake City. I'll be helping out the next few "long" weekends. See footnote above.

****** Wait . . . that was me.

There was good news & bad news on Jan. 7. First the bad news.

Excerpt from Omaha World Herald (1/7/15):  "Michael Weatherly leaving 'NCIS' after 13 seasons. 'NCIS' star Michael Weatherly says he's leaving the long-running CBS drama. Weatherly, who plays Special Agent Tony DiNozzo, has been w/'NCIS' since it debuted in 2003. In postings on his Twitter account TUE, Weatherly thanked the show's fans worldwide & said 'NCIS' was a 'fantastic ride.' He called DiNozzo a wonderful character, one who was fun to play. In a statement, CBS said Weatherly will leave 'NCIS' at the end of the season."  [NCIS might be Lois' & my favorite TV show. We watch it on Netflix, so we are always one season behind; then we "binge" watch it. Hopefully the writers come up with a really nifty * closure for his character & leave the door open for him to return.]

* Who says that anymore? **

** Answer:  People who are 63-years-old.

Now the good news!

Excerpt from Omaha World Herald (1/7/15):  "The loyal treatment. Forever Loyal. These things don't happen in sports anymore. There is no forever. Not with one team. Not with one fan base. A generation of sports fans doesn't know what it's like to embrace a player without him slipping out the back door in the dark & quiet of an offseason.

      Alex Gordon & the Royals were a wonderful exception to that rule on WED:  Gordon signed a 4-year-deal worth $72 million that is being called the largest contract in Royals' history.  [Although Alex Gordon doesn't rank in my pantheon of heroes the way George Brett does, as a long-time * & long-suffering Royals' fan, I was hoping that they would find a way to bring him back. Too bad loyalty comes w/a $72,000,000 price tag, huh?]

* Still waiting for that congratulatory text or message, Teresa.

Whimsical WED . . . Special SAT edition

Excerpt from Norfolk Daily News (1/6/15):  "Winter bison culling. Government agencies aim to kill or remove up to 900 wild bison from Yellowstone National Park this winter as part of an ongoing effort to reduce the animals' annual migration into Montana by driving down their population."  [My request for a small herd of bison to let loose in our backyard & take care of my lawn-mowing needs has of yet gone unanswered.]

There Is No Place Like . . . 

Russia?

Also from OWH (1/7):  "How to smell like Putin. Moscow shoppers wrinkled their noses & laughed at the first whiff of 'Leaders #1,' a new perfume inspired by Russians President Vladimir Putin. The fragrance, in a sleek black bottle w/Putin's profile on the front, is the brainchild of perfumer Vladislav Rekundov. It's for sale in a luxury Moscow store for the equivalent of $95 for 3.3 oz. What does it smell like? Like cheap perfume, said a pair of Moscow shoppers * interviewed by Reuters.  ["A rose by any other name . . . "] 

* Said a pair of Moscow shoppers who were soon to receive a special prize of two 1-way tickets to Siberia.

Criminal Minds

Also from NDN (12/30):  "Video leads to arrest. Authorities said an Ohio man took cellphone video of himself drinking while driving & posted it on Facebook, leading to his arrest hours later. The Franklin County sheriff's office said someone tipped off deputies about the video after it was posted Monday, & the vehicle was stopped that afternoon in Hamilton Township. The driver . . . faces 5 misdemeanor charges, including operating a vehicle under the influence of alcohol or drugs & having an open container in a vehicle.  [In a cruel twist of timing, the award for DUI-Facebook post of 2015 had already been announced, & this driver was just a day or two short of qualifying for the 2016 award.]

Back to the Basics

Walking in the Truth

Today's Scripture

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one & only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--& this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast."  Ephesians 2:8-9 

Today's Devotional Thoughts

• God the Father demonstrated the greatest act of agape * love when He gave His only Son--the sinless Jesus Christ--to die in our place.
• In that Jesus submitted to His Father's Will, that, too, is part of the greatest act of agape love ever witnessed by the world.
• That's right . . . the Holy One died for the unholy. 
• We are saved not by anything we have done or left undone. Christ has done it all for us.
• Our forgiveness is a gift with no strings attached--truly a gift in the best sense of the word.
• Our forgiveness & salvation are made possible by faith in Jesus as our Lord & Savior  --faith which is also a gift made possible by God's grace--His undeserved love for us.

* "self-less"

Today's Prayer Thoughts

If you are left feeling that this makes no sense--God offers the gifts of forgiveness & salvation as free gifts with no strings attached--you are experiencing The Truth! Ask God to strengthen your faith or to confirm in your heart & mind that this faith is more than just a feeling. 

A Note

During the 2014-2015 school year, I wrote many devotions for the Lutheran High Northeast (Norfolk, NE) Daily Announcements. Many of these devotions are adapted from last year's; some are original. This one is original. You are welcome to leave a comment. You are also welcome to send me an email:  pleckband@hotmail.com. 

Unique Christmas gifts + Demanding celebrities + New York vs. California + "She Who Shall Not Be Named" Update

Whimsy

From Omaha World Herald (12/29/15):  "The 15 most intriguing Craigslist posts of 2015. No matter how high-tech the world becomes, it seems there is always a place for good ol' Craigslist. Do you need a couch, a boyfriend or a life-size nail-clipper costume? Look no further than the classified advertisements website, which turned 20 yrs old this year . . . Throughout the year, users nominate advertisements for a collection called the 'best of' Craigslist. Here are the 15 bests of the 'best of' this year.

• "15. Free toilet bowl box: For your kids on Christmas morning, obviously. 'Imagine the excitement building w/such a huge gift waiting under the tree,' the post read, 'only to see it dashed when they rip off the paper & a photo of a potty is on the front.' [Mean-spirited but, I hate to admit it--I laughed when I read this one.]
• "6. Living Elf on the Shelf: 'For $100/hr I will come to your holiday party dressed as the Elf on the Shelf & sit in any location you assign me while I stare emptily at your guests for the duration of the event.'" [Very creepy but, I hate to admit it, I laughed when I read this one, too.]

Taglines from Drudge Report (1/6/15):  [I didn't bother to read the articles.]

• "Your smartphone is making you hallucinate.
• "New office chairs alert company how long employees sit."

From Reader's Digest Dec 2015/Jan 2016 "Eminem Wants What?!"  "Match the bizarre dressing-room demands to the celebrity who allegedly made them:

• "Mariah Carey: A used-chewing-gum attendant (a person whose sole job is to dispose of the star's gum. [No matter how hard I've tried, I can't think of a clever way to phrase this for a resume'.]
• "Barbra Streisand: Toilet bowl filled w/rose petals. [Not surprised.]
• "Axl Rose: A square melon (evidently very popular in Asia). [Seriously, wouldn't it have been funnier if Axl would have demanded a toilet bowl filled w/rose petals?]
• "Prince: Every item must be covered in plastic wrap until this star removes said  plastic wrap. [Prince & I have something in common . . . OCD.]
• "Madonna: Brand-new toilet seats in the bathroom. [What's demanding about that?]
• "Eminem: A koi pond." [In a dressing room?]

Criminal Behavior

From Norfolk Daily News (12/30/15):  "Worker goes 'postal.' According to federal court papers, a postal worker was so overwhelmed by the number of gifts & holiday cards on his delivery route that he dumped hundreds in the trash. Queens postman Daniel Darby was charged w/unlawfully delaying & destroying the mail. Federal officials said he was so stressed by the increase in December mail that he bought 3 white garbage bags, stuffed the holiday mail into the bags & dumped them into the trash. They were discovered 2 days later. [It may have been my 284 Christmas cards & letters that pushed him over the edge.]

There Is No Place Like . . . 

New York?

Another tagline from Drudge Report (1/6):  "Serial spitter terrorizes NYC." [I didn't bother reading the article.]

California!

Also from OWH (1/4):  "Two-year twins: Babies born Dec. 31 & Jan. 1. Twins in San Diego are getting some attention because, though born just minutes apart, one has a birthday in 2015 & one in 2016. Jaelyn Valencia was born New Year's Eve at 11:59p. Her twin brother, Luis Valencia, Jr., arrived at 12:01a on New Year's Day. [Speaking from experience, the 2-minute differential may seem inconsequential, but birth order matters, especially when siblings are born in two different years.]

Political Tuesday--Special WED Edition

More taglines from Drudge Report (1/6):  [And, no, I didn't bother reading the articles.]

• "Hillary Slams 'Bully' North Korea . . . 
• "Rubio: Bill Wanted to Give Speeches There a Few Years Ago . . .
• "Clinton: IRS Had Good reason to Audit 'Floozy' Paula Jones . . . 
• "Satellite Data Shows '15 Wasn't Close To Being Hottest On Record . . . "