Whimsical Wednesday

Whimsy

Excerpt from Norfolk Daily News (10/15/15):  "Never comfortable w/suing nephew, woman says. The New York City woman vilified for suing her 12-year-old nephew over a broken wrist she suffered when he jumped in her arms to greet her four years ago at his birthday party said Thursday she was 'never comfortable' w/the lawsuit.
      "Jennifer Connell appeared on NBC's Today show along w/her nephew, Sean Tarala. She said she wanted her nephew's parents' homeowners insurance to pay her medical bills, but under Connecticut law she could only sue an individual." [I think I may have included an item about this lady in a previous post, so this is my follow-up.]

Also from NDN TV Week "late laughs" from The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon:  "Facebook went down yesterday for the second time in a week. In fact, it's gotten so bad, people are holding up their babies to strangers & shouting: 'Do you like this?'" [I am not above joke-stealing.]

Excerpt from Omaha World Herald Go Magazine (10/15):  "7 Campaign-Worthy Costumes. For some, cat ears are enough. But not you. You set the bar higher for Halloween. You try to be the creative one, the one who comes decked out in a homemade costume that perfectly blends pop culture w/timely politics. Nailing it feels good. If you can scrounge up the right supplies, these outfits could score you a few extra laughs this year.
"#1: Lady & the Trump. Republican Donald Trump + the spaghetti scene from "Lady & the Tramp". Trump slurping noodles w/a female from whatever demographic he offends next. This costume alone
gives him a 2-pt bump in the polls, because politics.
"#2: Hillary Rodman Clinton. Democrat Hillary Rodham Clinton + NBA Hall of Famer Dennis Rodman. Pant suits, meet your maker. If ever there was a way to spice up Clinton's campaign, hair dye & facial piercings a la Rodman might just do the trick. Plus, relations w/North Korea would improve. Just sayin'." [I suppose this was also suited for the politic item below.]

Also from OWH Go Magazine (10/22):  "9 Oh-So-Familiar Fall Photos. "Wake up & smell the pumpkin spice. Fall is here. But that's likely been obvious for a while now--just check Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Snapchat. The leaves. The lattes. The apple orchards. The pumpkin patches. Something about autumn strips our creative impulses of originality. We scroll through the same photos, again & again. We like. We comment. We favorite. We perpetuate the endless cycle of attention seeking. So, calling more attention to the attention-seekers, here's a sampling of the Photos You Will Undoubtedly See on Social Media This Fall.

1. A treeline in transition. Street, boulevard, woodland--doesn't matter. Look at the colors!
2. Booted feet near fallen leaves. They're red! They're yellow! They're brown!
3. The Outfit of the Day selfie, featuring jacket & scarf. Bonus points for a gray sky/treeline backdrop.
4. A friend's infant or toddler seated in a pumpkin patch.
5. A friend's infant or toddler dressed as a pumpkin on Halloween.
6. The pumpkin your friend's infant or toddler carved 'all by herself.'
7. An apple cinnamon or pumpkin spice beverage. This will be in a mug OR in Starbucks' special fall drinkware w/the caption 'My favorite time of year,' or some variation.
8. Candy corn of any variety w/the above caption(s).
9. And the Nebraska specific (but no less egregious) couple cuddling in a big rocking chair at Vala's Pumpkin Patch." [A quick check of Facebook led me to check off the first 6 before I lost interest.]

Criminal Minds

Also from OWH (10/12):  "Stolen giant pumpkin returned to grower. A giant pumpkin that was brazenly stolen from the yard of a residence in South Dakota has been found & returned. Matthew Murraine told the Black Hills Pioneer that a man found a 100-lb pumpkin in a rural area near Spearfish & returned it to him.
      "Murraine says whoever took it had tried to carve it. On Sept. 18, someone backed a vehicle up to Murraine's house & made off w/one of the two large pumpkins that he had been growing at his home all summer. The theft drew national attention, which surprised Murraine. He said he just wanted people in Spearfish to know. Murraine followed his original plan & donated the pumpkin to another family." [In retrospect, I suppose there's no other way to steal a 100-lb pumpkin except brazenly. DEPT OF IMAGINARY CONVERSATIONS:  Neighbor: What is this? Joe: I'm donating this 100-lb pumpkin to you. Neighbor: Wait . . . what?]

Food for Thought

Also from the OWH (9/26):  "It's time to end the tyranny of olive oil. On a weekend morning not long ago, I found myself in the kitchen,whisking eggs while a pan absorbed the heat from a light flame. I was making breakfast for a few friends. The mood was light. The coffee was dark. Music played in the background, & everyone sat silently, anticipating the meal.
      "That is, until I reached for the butter. 'That's a lot of butter,' one friend muttered from behind a newspaper. 'Is there any olive oil?' another asked. 'Yeah, I would really prefer olive oil,' a third joined in. 'If that's OK,' he added, softening the demand.
      "I looked down at the poor marginalized, misunderstood stick of coagulated deliciousness. And then back up at the table, where the butter skeptics sat. Three rather slender men in their late twenties, terrified of a little dairy fat. 'Fine, I'll make my eggs separately' I said, audibly disappointed. 'But I'm not sharing.'" [I switched from margarine to butter years ago because, frankly, it just plain tastes better. And it tastes better than olive oil, too. And I wouldn't share either. In fact . . . DEPT OF IMAGINARY CONVERSATIONS II:  Me:  Help yourself. The poptarts are in the cabinet above the refrigerator! Dorks.]

There is no place like . . . 

Florida?

Excerpt from Norfolk Daily News (9/29/15):  "Hungry monkey. A monkey that escaped its owner's home in an Orlando suburb chewed on its neighbors' mail, pulled molding off a police car & rocked back & forth on a street sign. Zeek was caught when his owner returned home a short time later." [Better a monkey chewing on your mail than an alligator, right? Paul, Kathy, Jerry, Anita, et al?]

California?

Also from OWH (10/26): "Canceled wedding leads to feast for the homeless. After a California couple called off their wedding the bride-to-be's family decided to turn the $35,000 extravagant event into a feast for the homeless. The bride's mother...said that rather than cancel the reception, they invited Sacramento's homeless for a once-in-a-lifetime meal earlier this month at the Citizen Hotel, one of the city's finest venues." [Were they allowed to serve water? Inquiring minds want to know.]

Nebraska!

Also from the NDN (10/12):  "Record highs. Record high temperatures were shattered across the state Sunday, including in Norfolk. Norfolk's high of 98 broke the previous record of 89, set in 1995 & 1956. Norfolk wasn't the only place w/a record high temperature. Lincoln's high of 94 broke the previous record of 89, set in 1989, & Omaha's high of 91 broke the mark of 87 set in 1995." [As I type this entry a mere two weeks later, it is 52 degrees outside. Forecast? Glad you asked. Low tonight 42. High tomorrow {10/28} 53. Low tomorrow night 30.]

"Political Tuesday" is Gone . . . But Not Forgotten

Also from OWH (10/15):  "Albright dismisses Trump's criticism. She tells Bluffs audience that Hillary Clinton & Obama restored American's reputation." [Those of you who know my political inclinations may be surprised to see this in print, but I agree w/Madeline Albright. She-who-shall-not-be-named & our president have restored America's reputation . . . to the first part of the 1800s, when the British Navy was stopping American ships & shanghai-ing our sailors into British naval service; & the Barbary pirates were kidnapping American citizens from ships off the coast of Tripoli {now Libya} & holding them for ransom.]

Also from OWH (10/20):  "'Clock kid' visits White House for Astronomy Night. Ahmed Mohamed, the Texas teenager arrested after a homemade clock he brought to school was mistaken for a bomb, capped a whirlwind month with a visit to the White House on Monday. [Have any of you actually seen pictures of this whiz kid's homemade clock? I saw my first pictures last Thursday night on TV.

• It looks like a the kind of science project I would have helped my son make at 7:30 a.m. on the day of a science fair, having just found out from my son that it was the day of a science fair.
• It was not a stretch of the imagination to say that it actually looked like an amateurish attempt at a homemade IED.
• No, I'm not kidding. I would have said the same thing if this kid's name was John Smith.]