"Pastor livestreams sermon so congregation w on't have to look up from their phones" Babylon Bee

"It would be embarrassing trying to explain what an appetizer is to someone from a starving country. 'Yeah, the appetizer--that's the food we eat before we have our food. No, no, you're thinking of dessert--that's the food we have after we have our food.'"  Jim Gaffigan, Reader' Digest, July/Aug 2020

"First the doctor told me the good news:  I was going to have a disease named after me."  Steve Martin, Reader' Digest, July/Aug 2020