CRIMINAL MINDS

> "Man traveled on Greyhound bus with dismembered body parts in suitcases" Drudge Report, 9/17

> "NFL fans brawl at socially distanced game" Drudge, 9/18

> "Tesla driver pulled over going 93 mph...completely asleep" Drudge, 9/18

> "Kids at Republican rally in Philly pelted with eggs in drive-by attack" Drudge, 9/17

TRENDING

* "States that just voted to reduce penalties for pedophiles not sure why God keeps lighting them on fire" Babylon Bee

* "Socialist utopia ruined after child shakes up ant farm" Babylon Bee, 9/18

* "Family films massive alligator swimming in floodwaters outside home" Drudge, 9/18

* "STUDY:  People happier spending time with friends than spouse" Drudge, 9/18

DEPT. OF SHAMELESS JOKE-STEALING

"A man is arrested for stealing a can of peaches & is brought before the judge. The judge asks, 'How many peaches were in the can?' The man replies, 'Six, your honor.' 'In that case, you will go to jail for six days, one for each peach.' Hearing that, his wife stands & says, 'Your honor, he also stole a can of peas.'"