Warning! This entry is very, very personal.

mental health mon

My Mental Health Update

Quick review:

• In early NOV 2014, I began a long-term disability from my position as head administrator of Lutheran High Northeast, due to chronic, clinical depression. In layperson's terms . . . burnout.
• In MAR 2015, I was informed that my continued service at Lutheran High was "no longer in the plans."
• At the end of JULY 2016, I was informed by the insurance company that administers disabilities for CPS that I no longer met the criteria for a disability based on a mood disorder.
• I appealed this decision, because of the professional opinions of my mental health providers that my chronic depression did not allow me to return to my former position as a FT administrator at a Lutheran High School; also, that this insurance company's letter of determination was riddled with errors.
• It has been an arduous, stressful, anxious four months, but on WED 11/30, I was notified that my appeal had been upheld.
• My disability benefits have been restored, retroactive to 8/1/16.
• My health insurance is intact until at least the end of FEB 2017. [When I lost my disability status originally, it took me almost 2 months to obtain "temporary" coverage.]
• Due to a 2-year limitation on disabilities related to mood disorders, my status will end effective 2/16/17.

Why am I sharing this with you? 

1. I blog for self-therapy.
2. I've continued to find myself in a depressive cycle since August. No doubt the circumstances referred to above have contributed.
3. No doubt certain of my behaviors & attitudes have also contributed.
4. I've tried remain as transparent as possible, as I've continued my mental health MON blogs.
5. I keep telling myself that maybe(?) some of my experiences &insights might(?) benefit others.

Now what?  

Since Lois & I have limped along for 4 months w/o these disability payments, this is a very welcome, early Christmas present. It's also a relief knowing that my health insurance is intact at least until the end of February. While my appeal was being considered, my "temporary" insurance was always subject to cancellation at the end of the month in which my appeal would be denied. 

      Finally, knowing the "termination" date of my status allows Lois & me to achieve a certain amount of closure & plan my/our next steps.

What am I doing about my mood? *

* Maybe these are things that could help you improve your mood?

Quiet Time

I continue to take time every day to spend in devotion & prayer, which also includes--this time of year--at least one Advent hymn. Also, Lois & I are using the Advent devotions available via The Lutheran Hour for our nightly devotions. CONFESSION TIME:  I've let this habit lag somewhat over the last few weeks--time to reconnect to God's Word.
      Just this morning, the Advent hymn I encountered in my quiet time was "The Night Will Soon Be Ending," LSB #337. Stanza #5 seemed to be directed at me:

"God dwells with us in darkness And makes the night as day;
Yet we resist the brightness And turn from God away.
But grace does not forsake us, However far we run.
God claims us still as children Through Mary's infant Son."

Writing

My writing of devotionals for Orphan Grain Train continues to be a blessing for me; I pray that it's a blessing for others. I've been working on a project to write a devotional book that could be distributed to those who attend our OGT Convention this next fall. It would cover Oct 31 right up until the beginning of Advent 2017. I had composed rough drafts, then set them aside for quite awhile. This past week I picked them up again & began revising them. This has lifted my spirits, & I want to continue setting aside time to work on this.

Worship

A sure sign that I am in a slump is my lagging enthusiasm for worship. I find myself looking for reasons to justify staying home from church. This is especially unfortunate during the Advent season when there are additional opportunities for worship on Wednesday evenings.

• I'm continuing to  travel to Lincoln on Wednesday's to help my daughter Sarah while my son-in-law Craig is deployed. This means picking up my two grand-daughters from school. In December it also means getting them to supper & Advent worship at Trinity Lincoln.
• This past Sunday, as Lois & I worshipped & participated in the Lord's Supper at our home congregation at Grace Norfolk, I found myself lifted up by the liturgy, hymns, readings, sermon, fellowship. I hope & pray that it's a good sign.

Steering Clear of Negative Influences

If you followed my "Fizzling" entries [which comprised a lot of mental health MON entries in Nov . . . & which I'm not promoting, because they became somewhat{?} obsessive &, shall we say, lengthyyyyy.] you know that one of my recommendations was to avoid those things that drag you down. Well, if you've been following my politically-themed blog entries, you may have gotten the impression that the election cycle, followed by the election, followed by the post-election cycle have brought me down. I think I need to take a break from searching out my favorite partisan pundits . . . also from specifically clipping politically-themed news articles for future blogging references. I can't say that blogging about them, whether in BLAHg, whimsical WED, or as G.O.M.E.R., has not served to relieve my anxiety or depression. [This will be a challenge for me to give up.] *
* You could contribute to my mental health by avoiding posting comments &  links on Facebook that provoke me. Hear what I'm sayin'? *
** Yeah, I know. I'm accountable for how these things affect me. ***
*** Maybe more circumspect surfing  on FB is called for, too? ****
**** This is starting to work on my anxiety level, so I am bring closure to this entry.