mental health Monday
Advance Notice . . . frightful FRI to end
I've come to the conclusion--with some encouragement from family members--to cut back a little(?) on my blogging. For that reason, along with other reasons accompanying the all-too-fragile state of my mental health--I plan to eliminate my frightful FRI blog entries. Some of those entries were more applicable to my mental health MON entries anyway.Blogging for Self-Therapy
Before embarking on our extended vacation [June 24-July 6], I promised myself that I would take the following steps to minimize my symptoms of depression, anxiety, & OCD. And how did I do?
- Exercise regularly. [GRADE D. I walked with Lois around the SPLHS quad & St. Paul's Lutheran Church cemetery once while in Concordia, MO, for my Class of '71 Reunion; walked extensively thru M.O.A. while participating in the Hill Family 2016 Summer Reunion in the Twin Cities; also went for a moderately strenuous 30-min. walk in the Lebanon Hills Regional Park {Eagan, MN], also during the Hill Family Reunion. Other than multiple casts w/my fishing pole, * while fishing at Little Island Lake while up north--prior to the Reunion--that was the extent of my deliberate exercising. So, that would be 3 deliberate exercise episodes over 13 days.] * One could aptly describe this as mostly an "exercise" of futility.
- Avoid the subject of politics. [GRADE C-. I deliberately avoided any partisan, radio talk-show programs. I bought more daily newspapers than I intended, which necessarily included the reading of partisan pundits. I engaged in more political discussions than I had intended, which were not always of my making. * ] * At times it was other people who goaded me into partisan, political, pontificating.
- Avoid or minimize OCD behaviors. [GRADE C. I successfully avoided pathologically arranging & organizing my clothing, either in closets or my duffel bag, even going so far as to heedlessly tossing clean laundry into my duffel bag after it had been washed. Although I hadn't promised myself that I wouldn't buy newspapers, I did find myself searching them out, whether in vending machines--for which I started saving change--convenience stores, and/or book stores . . . AND, regretfully, I started noting and saving articles for further clipping & referencing in my blogs. * ] * Some of which have been put to use already since we returned home & I ended my blog hiatus.
- Enact a blogging hiatus. [GRADE B-. The good news? I did not post a single blog entry will on vacation. The bad news? I did take notes for future reference for when I resumed my blog upon my return. I should note--to my credit--that I refrained from blogging even though I did take our laptop along for purposes other than blogging, which I cannot recollect at this time.]
- Healthy eating habits. [GRADE D-. Let's not go there.]
- Striking a balance between reticence & effusiveness. [GRADE D. As I approached both my high school class reunion in Concordia & the Hill Family Reunion in the Twin Cities, I shared these two anxieties w/my long-suffering spouse. First, that I would wither & withdraw, since I've been in a depressive state since APR, & that includes an apprehension about being in crowds--also a vast amount of insecurity-- leading to a need to be alone for "Paul time." Second, that I would have a hard time, for lack of a more succinct mental-health term, keeping my mouth shut. Although there were times when I found myself quiet, reserved, & withdrawn, needing to pull away & spend time by myself, I just as often let certain stimuli provoke me into comments {rants?} that, while spontaneous, were surely tiresome & possibly baffling to the victims. First, it was my classmates, then, my family. For that I am sincerely sorry. I also did a lot of intimate sharing about my personal mental health condition. I had struggled in advance as to whether I should make myself vulnerable by risking this sharing, but I took a chance. I shared quite a bit with my classmates, then later w/my cousin Ted. My perception was that they were all very accepting, very forgiving . . . It was also amazing to find out that some of them had similar experiences or had children or other loved ones who had similar experiences. I was treated with patience & love.]
More Self-Therapy . . . or More Pity Party?
I'm still struggling to work through a depressive episode which began in April. I continue to see my therapist every-other week. I'm visiting my psychiatrist every 2-3 weeks, & last week he prescribed an additional medication for me. I have very mixed feelings about adding yet another psycho-tropic medication, because in the past I feel that I've been all too will to use medications as a crutch, rather than take the harder step, which would be to make lifestyle changes.
Lois continues to be a huge blessing in my life . . . She especially bears a burden when I'm struggling, because I tend to be a little [a lot], shall we say [Yes, we shall say it!] edgier.
Being transparent, I hope, is a way to provide some insight for others who may have suffered, are suffering now, or suspect that they may be suffering from one or more mood disorders. I gotta tell you . . . it adds to some of my symptoms, but I'm going to try to persevere.
Which brings me to one last point . . . a daily quiet time, including Scripture, meditative, devotional readings, & prayer, continues to be a benefit for me, even as I struggle to keep it from becoming just another OCD symptom.
G.O.M.E.R. * Returns to a New Time...A New Place
* Grumpy Old Men & Their Elucidating Rants **** Because I'm a grumpy old man. I have an obligation to elucidate . . . I have an obligation to rant. It's what I/we do.
Re: Police Shooting Black Men & Sniper Shooting Policemen in Dallas . . . First of all, yes, this does add to my depression for several reasons.
- Why is it assumed that we must be polarized into one camp or another? We must be either pro-police & anti-Black Lives Matter, or we must be anti-police & pro-Black Lives Matter? Can't we be both/and? [DISCLAIMER: I gained this insight after watching a link on Facebook from a late-night talk-show host on SAT 7/9. Unfortunately, his name & show escape me.]
- I also recently saw another link on Facebook that highlighted a spokesperson--I think representing a Black Lives Matter group--who loudly proclaimed that anyone who flaunts a "All Lives Matter" banner is racist. Once again, the name escapes me. My reaction? Give me a break . . . All lives DO matter . . . & I am NOT a hater!
- I most assuredly despair at any lives--black or white--that are lost if & when police overreact--just as I despair when people apparently take justice into their own hands & apparently execute police in retaliation. Having said that . . .
- It certainly doesn't help when politicians "rush to judgment" before all the facts are in, because they seem to be more interested in scoring political points than using their bully pulpits to calm anger & soothe tensions. EXAMPLES? "A suburban police officer who killed a black motorist likely wouldn't have fired if the driver had been white, MN's governor declares, jumping into a suddenly reignited national debate over how law enforcement treats people of color." [Norfolk Daily News, 7/8] . . . "Obama: Police must root out bias . . . " [Also from NDN, 7/8]
Reasons to be Depressed? Anxious?
Also from MST (7/1): "Fresh off the grill: Tiny, sharp brush wires. When Deborah Zvosec fished around in her mouth during dinner & pulled out a small grill brush bristle one recent evening, there was a terrifying moment around the table as her 2 guests looked down & found their own metal fibers sticking to the chicken & potatoes. What happened next was just as awful . . . Zvosec went to Hennepin County Medical Center the day after the 5/27 dinner because she felt discomfort. Imaging scans found a 1.7 centimeter wire segment embedded deep in her tongue . . . " [I use a wire brush to clean off our propane grill. If I was planning to fly any time soon, I could potentially avoid a costly medical examination & test via a TSA scan.] ** And, yes, it does occur to me that--in light of this poor woman's medical emergency--this reaction may be considered in poor taste.
Reasons to be Happy
Source: Trivia for the Toilet, compiled by Gavin Webster. (Fall River Press, 2002). *- "When Bugs Bunny first appeared in 1935, he was called Happy Rabbit." [Still ranks as one of my favorite SAT a.m. cartoon shows. **]
- "People who laugh a lot are much healthier than those who don't . . . " [I can neither confirm nor deny whether this is a recommendation for reading my blog or not.]
** In light of the cartoons I occasionally watch with my grand-kids, I am Paul & appalled at how cartoon standards have devolved. Sponge Bob Squarepants? Give me a break! ***
*** Yes, this easily could also have qualified for my G.O.M.E.R. feature above.
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