Speaking of Mental Health...I'm Having a Little Trouble Focusing

Mental Health MON::Special TUE Edition

My attempt to write my Mental Health MON blog last night (MON 3/7)  was somewhat less than a resounding success, which I attribute to several factors.

1. Our weekend trip to Eagan, MN, where our family gathered for my grand-son Calvin's baptism. It was a joy, but it was also very tiring, & I did not sleep well either night in the hotel. You'd think I'd have slept better when I got back on Sunday night, but I didn't. Woke up often, especially after a series of school-related dreams, & had a little trouble getting back to sleep after each one.
2. Coffee. I've done an admiral job of cutting back on my coffee intake as part of my strategy to prepare for hip replacement surgery on TUE 3/15. Since I anticipate a "no-coffee zone" for 24-48 hours, I've been working to reduce my coffee to minimize the chances of a severe headache following surgery. * I had finally gotten down to 1 cup/day until the weekend, when my self-control wavered, & I overdid it. My excuses? I was getting a little drowsy while driving from Lincoln to Eagan on Friday. Rather than have my daughter take a turn driving, I bought coffee at an Iowa Welcome Center just south of the MN state line. On Saturday morning I told myself that I was entitled to drink as much coffee as I wanted at the hotel's breakfast extravaganza. Ditto on Sunday morning. Yesterday morning I forced myself back to one traveler's mug of coffee, followed by just a few sips of coffee at the Orphan Grain Train offices, which was slightly more coffee than I had been drinking but less than I had drunk on Saturday & Sunday.
3. I tried writing while Lois & I watched 2 back episodes of Marvel: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. on Netflix. We like this series, but it made it that much harder to focus on my writing last night.
4. Yesterday was my "ortho-class, luncheon, & blood tests" @ Faith Regional Health Center in Norfolk. This is a service provided about 1 week in advance for those scheduled to have a hip or knee replacement. It was very informative but also (a) heavy on the information; & (b) somewhat overwhelming. ** My brain seemed to be on grid-lock the rest of the day.
5. Last but not least ***, I had chosen two excerpts that I thought lent themselves well to my witty repartee. What was forthcoming on my part could perhaps better be described as "witless" repartee.

* Why this makes me more anxious than pain from the surgery is perhaps something I should ponder under Reasons for Anxiety?!

** In fact, about 20 min. into the presentation I whispered to Lois, "I hope you're paying attention, because I quit paying attention 15 min. ago." 

*** And never let it be said that I didn't try my least.

Burnout & Depression

If you've followed my Mental Health MON blog entries, you know that in early November, 2014, I took a leave of absence from my position as Principal & Executive Director of Lutheran High Northeast in Norfolk, NE, for what could best be described as a case of burnout. A few weeks later my symptoms qualified me for "short term" disability. By March it was decided it would be in my best interests not to return to my full-time role. In May I qualified for "long term" disability. My "official" diagnoses include chronic depression & a general anxiety disorder. I am no longer serving at Lutheran High.

      I was first diagnosed with clinical depression back around 2004, & I've had my ups & downs since then. For the most part it's been under control. Medication & therapy have helped. I'm still not sure why things built up to the point this time where I crashed to hard that I didn't climb back, but what happened happened. Call it burnout or call it depression. It's no fun.

      Here is a link to an article from The Wall Street Journal, dated 3/7/16, entitled "Are Burnout & Depression the Same Thing?" Just by coincidence, I happened upon the tagline when I was browsing through the Drudge Report this morning. You may find it interesting. I did.

Reasons for Depression

From Lincoln Journal Star (3/4):  "Insults fly at debate. Donald Trump references size of his genitals. Personal insults erupted moments into a Republican presidential debate THU night in Detroit as Donald Trump's rivals fought w/new urgency to stop his march to the nomination before it's too late. Marco Rubio defended his hammering of Trump over the last week, saying, 'If there's anyone who ever deserved to be attacked that way, it's Donald Trump.'
      "'Trump, in turn, called Rubio a 'little guy' who has lied about his record, & Trump defended himself against the Florida senator's double-entendre about the New York billionaire having small hands. 'Are they small hands?' Trump said, holding them up for the audience to see. As for any other part of his anatomy, Trump said, 'I guarantee you there's no problem.'"  [And it's only March 7.]

Reasons for Anxiety

From St. Paul Pioneer Press (3/6/16): "Study: A happy heart can be deadly, too. Sadness can weigh on you quite dearly, & sometimes a particularly sad or stressful event can trigger what's known as 'broken heart syndrome.' Under this condition . . . the heart muscles rapidly & severely weaken. This temporary ailment causes severe chest pain & can lead to life-altering consequences such as heart attack & even death.
      "But it's not just the terrible times that can cause this syndrome; joyful & happy occasions also can trigger broken heart syndrome . . . A broken heart can kill you. But maybe so can a happy one . . . an additional 20 people in the study (4% of the group) had the syndrome triggered by joyful occasions, such as a birthday party, wedding, the birth of a grand-child & even a favorite sports team winning. The researchers dubbed them 'happy heart' cases." [Emphasis added.]

Addendum

In case you needed reassurance, I had a chemical stress test in early February. Why? Because a hip replacement requires clearance from a cardiologist, apparently because of the hip joint's proximity to the heart. The cardiologist read my EKG & found an "abnormality." Although he reassured me that I hadn't had a heart attack & it was probably nothing to worry about, he ordered a chemical stress test. * I had this procedure early on a Thursday afternoon & by late the next day received word from the cardiologist's office that I "passed the test" & my heart muscle was just fine.
* He wanted to do a "normal" stress test but was concerned that back & hip pain might cause me to drop out before the test could be completed.