HEALTH UPDATE

Tomorrow we're heading to Omaha, where I'll have the pins removed from my hand. The surgeon said I could keep the pins, which I think my 9-year-old grandson will appreciate. I'm watching my carbs & taking insulin, as ordered. This morning my blood sugar was 68. And my blood pressure has stabilized. I'm no longer standing up & starting to pass up. I'm still drinking a ton of water every day.

INVITATION

Our grand-daughter Brianna, who started working at Perkins in addition to her baby-sitting job, invited us to lunch there today, so she could be our waitress. We'll drag our grandson Bentley along with us.

WHAT WE'RE WATCHING

Last night, based on Brianna's recommendation, we watched "Ocean's 8." I'll give it 4 stars. And I recently watched a Jim Gaffigan comedy special on Netflix. He's one of my Top 2 favorite comedians, along with Brian Regan.

RIBBON CUTTING

We're going to a ribbon cutting ceremony at Lutheran High Northeast tomorrow. They're celebrating the completion of an ag bidg & a new state-of-the-art science lab. If you would have told me that Lutheran High would ever have an ag program, I probably would have scoffed. I served as LHNE's head administrator from the time it opened in1997 until 2014, when I left due to a medical disability. I was suffering from a general anxiety disorder & severe clinical depression.

HERE'S TO YOUR HEALTH

"If you typically apply antiperspirant in the morning before heading out to interact with others, we appreciate & salute you. But you should actually swipe it on before bed. Antiperspirant keeps underarms dry by temporarily plugging sweat pores. Since you're sweating less overnight, you absorb more antiperspirant than you would rushing around in the morning, making it much more effective." Reader's Digest, Mar/Apr 2022

TRENDING NEWS FROM THE BABYLON BEE *

* Fake news you can trust

"Man fails DMV job interview by saying he is a 'motivated go-getter"

"Senate to now be controlled by whichever party has fewer senators in hospital"

"Historians now believe second-ever phone call was to Alexander Graham Bell about his car's warranty"

"Biden gives 'Black American of Courage' Award to Robert Downey Jr. for role in 'Tropic Thunder'"

Best Things about Being a Man

> The world is your urinal.

> You have a brain that's 3 times the size of a woman's. It's science.

> You can have an entire conversation with your best friend just by saying 'Sup bro?"

> Your extensive knowledge of all subjects allows you to graciously explain things to women.

> You can wear the same shirt for 38 years.

> You have a reduced chance of having Joe Biden sniffing your hair.

> If you want, you can be the world's strongest woman.

DEPT OF SHAMELESS JOKE-STEALING *

* Courtesy of Reader's Digest, Mar/Apr 2022

Change a Letter, Ruin a Movie

Replace one letter & suddenly these films don't seem quite so fearsome.

* Apocalypse Cow

* Bill Bill

* HoboCop

* Top Nun

* The Silence of the Lamps

* The Whining