THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS

My right hip replacement is scheduled for this THU 7/14.

* I passed my joint replacement class last TUE. I learned 3 important things. (1) It won't be a DIY surgery. (2) Medicare will cover my painkillers. (3) I have to drink high-protein drinks the night before & morning of my surgery. I'm not allowed to mix them with vodka.

* I went to physical therapy last WED & proved that I can handle stairs & that I understand the exercises I'm supposed to do.

* Occupational therapy visited our house on THU. They were not happy with how high our bed is, so Lois had to order an exercise step. 

* I borrowed a shower seat from Orphan Grain Train today.

* Lois came home today with press 'n seal cling wrap & cushioned tape to keep my dressing dry when I shower; also a long-handled sponge. An OT will make sure I know how to shower before I leave the hospital. I assume I'll be able to wear swimming trunks.

* I (hopefully) filled my pill containers with the correct meds I'm allowed to take on WED night & THU morning.

* The high protein drinks I'm supposed to take WED night & THU morning are chilling in the fridge.

TODAY'S DAD JOKE

People are shocked to find out that I'm a lousy electrician.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

"Invasive crabs become whiskey. Care for a hint of crab in your whiskey? A New Hampshire distillery has come up with its newest concoction called 'Crab Trapper'--whiskey flavored with invasive green crabs." Omaha World Herald, 7/10

POLITICAL POTPOURRI

"Joe mulling health emergency for abortion access." Drudge Report. Knock me over with a feather.

'Buttigieg defends Kavanaugh protestors' right to demonstrate during dinner." Drudge. What if there were protestors outside of a restaurant where he was having dinner? Inquiring minds want to know.

"Supreme Court abortion ruling does not ban treatment for ectopic pregnancies; pro-choice claim is dangerous." Fox News Online. Pro-abortion activists are hysterical & lying? Who knew?

"CA physician proposes floating abortion clinic in Gulf to bypass southern states' restrictions." FNO

"CA ex-tran teen backs FL ban on Medicaid funds for transgender medical interventions." FNO

"Ron DeSantis runs ad in CA asking libs not to move to FL." Babylon Bee

"Senator Warren leaps out just in time to swat prenatal vitamins away from woman leaving pregnancy center" Babylon Bee

THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE CALIFORNIA . . . 

"CA cities ban new gas stations to combat 'climate change.'" Drudge. Have I mentioned lately how much I appreciate living in a normal state?

"San Francisco schools used over $500K marked for improvements to remove 'offensive' Washington mural." FNO

"Sea lions chase away beachgoers in San Diego." FNO. I hope my nephew, his wife, & their little boys weren't among those chased away.

. . . FLORIDA

"FL park shuts down after police spot 'aggressive alligator.'" The discovery was made SUN at the Palm Island Boardwalk park outside of Orlando." Fox News Online

"FL man tries to outrun deputies on riding lawnmower, authorities say." FNO

TRENDING

"Church of England refuses to define the word 'woman.'" Drudge

"Husband settles down for a Lord of the Rings marathon after wife says 'I'll be ready to go in ten minutes." Babylon Bee

"Jesus criticized as ableist for healing paralytic." Babylon Bee

Shocking Revelations from Hunter Biden's Laptop *

* Compliments of Babylon Bee

> His desktop was covered with over 200 icons & his recycling bin had never been emptied.

> The hard drive contained multiple copies of "Shrek the 3rd."

> The "Candy Crush" app only shows him only at level 6.

> "GPS data shows he spends several dozen hours at Chuck E. Cheese per week. (Nothing suspicious about that!)

> The FBI is probably at his door right now to arrest him for drug dealing & underage sex trafficking. Oh--they aren't? Huh. Maybe they're just really busy today.