G.O.M.E.R. on Hiatus...Meet BL.A.H.

whimsical WED

You will have to scroll down to peruse today's whimsy & BlAH. Personally, I think it's worth it.

There Is No Place Like . . . 

IOWA!

From Omaha World Herald (10/18):  "Iowa in 1st, Nebraska 5th among states in graduation rate . . . For the '14-15 school year, NE's graduation rate was 88.9%, ranking 5th among the 50 states & the District of Columbia. IA led the nation w/a 90.8% rate, according to the U.S. DOE . . . " [You're probably expecting some kind of snarky comment from me about graduation standards in IA high schools, like the requirement of only one year each of English, math, & science; plus only one required history course, "A History of White Privilege in America." Well, sorry to disappoint you. KUDO's to our neighbors on the West.]

NEBRASKA!!

Also from OWH (8/29):  "Armadillo might be first found alive in county. A Nebraska City woman was shocked last week when she stepped onto her back porch to find a live armadillo. Local officials say it may have been the 1st captured in Otoe County . . . "  [I'm not sure that IA h.s. graduates know what an armadillo is. Ask your teacher or Google it.]

Wide, Wonderful, Wacky World of Celebrities

From USA Today (10/13):  "Chronicle of Lil Wayne's time in prison . . . #5. He made $20 million while in prison. In the months preceding his sentence, Wayne recorded new music at a feverish pace to stagger releases throughout his sentence. As a result, the rapper outpaced his 2009 earnings, raking in an est. $20 million, compared w/2009's $18 million."  [I can neither confirm nor deny that when HC & her spouse saw this item, they looked at each other, laughed, & said, "What a piker!"] *
* My crack team of blog editors have thoroughly vetted this column, so I can say almost beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is NOT racist epithet . . . & I am NOT a hater.}

Tagline from Drudge Report (10/17):  "Trump fans boo, walk out on Amy Schumer show . . . "  [I am also NOT an A.S. hater. "Strong disliker?" Hmmm.]

Food for Thought

Also from OWH (10/14):  "Lamb Weston says it can meet extra demand for fries. No one eats french fries like Americans eat french fries. ConAgra Foods spinoff Lamb Weston wants to help the rest of the world catch up. Worldwide demands growing faster than supply, & Lamb Weston Executives say their potato business has the right supply chain, customer relationships & industry know-how to profitably meet that demand w/fries, fries & more fries."  [We live in the greatest country in the world. American exceptionalism! Can there really be any doubt?]

Criminal Minds

Also from OWH (9/6):  "Dog is painted purple during break-in. Police say a man broke into a home on Martha's Vineyard & painted the resident's dog purple. The Cape Cod Times reported that Felix Reagan is charged w/breaking & entering in the daytime w/the intent to commit a felony, cruelty to animals, larceny of a motor vehicle & related crimes . . . "  [Painting a dog purple is a felony? Well, I for one agree . . . & I'm a little surprised that a most likely bleeding-heart-liberal judge threw the book at this guy in a blue state . . . but I'm STILL not a hater.]

From Norfolk Daily News (10/17):  "Infant listed on eBay. German police say a 28-year-old man has admitted listing his infant daughter for sale on eBay but maintains that it was meant as a joke . . . "  [This isn't funny . . . If I thought it was funny, I'd comment that he offered to paint her purple.]

Wednesday Whimsy

From USA Today Money Section (10/12):  "Amazon may try out convenience stores. Would sell a small amount of perishable goods like milk, meat. Amazon may be looking to open a series of convenience stores, in addition to possible drive-through grocery pickup sites . . . "  [DEPT. OF IMAGINARY CONVERSATION IN AMAZON CONVENIENCE STORE:  Paul:  Hey, Lois! I just found a bag of peanut M & M's in aisle 3 for $1.99! Lois:  Forget it, Paul. I'm in aisle 2, & I found the same size bag for $1.49 . . . Wait . . . It's used.]

Political Whimsy

Dept. of Favorite Comic Strip's Dialogue [No need for comment.]

Pearls Before Swine (OWH 10/11):
Reporter:  Sir, is it true that your presidential campaign is now based on one issue--the invasion of Greenland?
Rat:  Yes. It's a territory of the Danes, & they won't see it coming.
Reporter:  But why Greenland?
Rat:  Because it's 8 times the size of Great Britain, but only has 57,000 people, which is not much more than Sarasota, FL.
Reporter:  I see. So by that logic, why not just invade Sarasota, FL?
Rat:  Well, now there's an idea.
Reporter (As Rat exits frame):  And sadly, he's STILL better than the other 2 candidates.
Rat:  Sarasota, your retirement communities are mine!

Also from NDN (10/14):  "Expect to pay more for heat this winter. The coming winter will be both colder & costlier. That's the forecast of the Energy Information Administration, which THU issued its short-term energy & winter fuels outlook . . . "  [If someone could ever figure out how to store, transport, & market the hot air from political campaigns, they could probably make a fortune.] *
* On the other hand, it might be toxic.

Dept. of Shameless Quip Stealing [No need for comment.]

From 'Breaking Brad' by Brad Dickson in OWH (10/15):  "Douglas County & Sarpy County voters may set a record for early voting. Sure, once you vote, you can stop watching the presidential debates."

TIME FOR . . . BL.A.H. **

Since the following excerpts are tipped WAY out of balance in one candidate's scale over the other's, you might be tempted to think that I have made a formal endorsement. Nope. I can't quite bring myself to endorse HWIHNE. However, I absolutely ABHOR hypocrisy. The most recent out-blathering of hypocrisy, focusing on DT's inexcusably crude comments &  behavior toward women, all-the-while looking the other way @ SWSBIBY's documented criminal behavior, not to mention the way she enabled her spouse's documented sexual improprieties toward women [& by "improprieties," I'm being evangelical], really, really have me worked up. Can you tell?

Also from OWH (10/11): "Who will be watching the poll watchers this Election Day? The election is 4 weeks from today, & easily lost in the seasonal outpouring of candidate speeches & debates, pools & fact-checking is this sad reality:  The U.S. has witnessed the greatest rollback in voting rights since the Jim Crow era in recent years, yet federal authorities will have fewer resources to deal with polling place disputes than at any time over the last half-century . . . " [My response is summed up in these taglines from the Drudge Report. I didn't bother to read the articles.]

"4 Million Ineligible & Dead Voters on Voter Rolls . . . " [Tagline on Drudge Report (10/18)].

"Massive Voter Fraud Investigation TX . . . "  [Tagline on Drudge Report (10/18)].

Re:  She-Who-Should-Be-Indicted-By-Now

Taglines from Drudge Report:

• (10/17) "Hillary voters struggle to name single accomplishment . . . " [She's a woman?]
• (10/18) "Activist who bragged about starting Chicago riot was on Hillary payroll . . . " [Couldn't bear to read the article. Have to be wary of letting too much political news negatively contribute to my myriad mood manifestations.] *  * Do you like my alliteration? Need I remind you that I'm an English major?

Also from OWH; column by Cal Thomas (9/14):  "Left needs to meet more 'deplorables.' Every now & again secular progressives rip off their mask & tell conservatives what they really think of them . . . HC said, 'You can put half of Trump supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables.' She then said that some of these people were 'irredeemable.'"  [Irredeemable? Whew . . . I'm glad she clarified herself after calling half of DT's supporters "deplorables". Wait . . . what?]

Also from OWH; column by J. Peder Zane (9/29):  "Clinton shouldn't judge people's souls . . . At a fundraiser (of course) (HC) separated DT's supporters into 2 baskets. On one side of her chilling ledger is the 'basket of deplorables.' These American citizens are 'racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic--you name it.' They are, she added, 'irredeemable" . . . [I think this pundit may be over-reacting just a little. After all, biblically-speaking, all "irredeemable" means is that a person cannot be saved by Jesus & is doomed to eternal perdition in Hell. Wait . . . what?] 

Also from OWH; column by Jay Ambrose (9/30):  "Trump had two opponents in debate. It was two against one in the MON night presidential debate. We had moderator Lester Holt, who apparently assumed he was a candidate, too, & HC, well-equipped w/policy malformations, against DT . . . "  [That is SOOOO unlike the mainstream media.]

From Lincoln Journal Star (10/8):  "Clinton's private speeches to Wall Street leaked. HC told bankers behind closed doors that she favored 'open trade & open borders' & said Wall Street executives were best-positioned to help reform the U.S. financial sector, according to transcripts of her private, paid speeches leaked FRI . . . "  [Why shouldn't Wall Street help reform itself? Didn't we let Iran write it's own treaty with us?]

From USA Today; Opinion Section (10/14):  "Hack shows why Clinton kept Wall Street speeches secret . . . Assuming that the WikiLeaks emails are accurate, Clinton portrayed herself to bankers as more supportive of free trade, & more flexible on industry regulation, than she has been during her drive for the presidency . . . "  [But if this would have been leaked during the primaries, it might have given B.S. a fighting chance! Wait . . . what?]

From USA Today; News Section (10/14):  "Comments have 'shaken me to my core,' 1st lady says . . . "  [Said the 1st Lady who had no problems inviting misogynist rappers to the White House & accompanied one or both daughters to a Beyonce' concert & watched the artist perform in what some--but not me, because I AM NOT a hater--would call attire degrading to women.]

Also from OWH (10/15):  "Bill Clinton & Trump not viewed in same way. Groups that advocate for women's rights are lashing out at DT for allegations of groping women & bragging about sexual assaults. But some of those same groups did not think that allegations of sexual misconduct then-President BC nearly 2 decades were disqualifying in the same way . . . " [WARNING! COMMENT FOR "MATURE READERS ONLY" FORTHCOMING:  Yeah, remember the women's right advocate who said that SHE would gladly "service" the president because of all the good he had done on behalf of women's rights. Translation:  "I would gladly commit adultery w/the POTUS. You know, the guy married to HC."]

Also from OWH (10/18):  WikiLeaks says Ecuador cut off Assange's Internet access. Ecuador has cut off WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange's Internet access within the South American country's London embassy, WikiLeaks said in a statement on its website MON . . . [I can neither confirm nor deny that the following conversation took place between the White House & the Prime Minister of Great Brian:  POTUS: "Hey, I've got such a deal for you. PM: Right-o.* What might that be? POTUS: No more visits from JK if you cut off J.A.'s access to the Internet. PM:  Spendid! You Yanks have a deal!] 
* It might help if you imagine the P.M. speaking in an atrocious faux British accent.]  

Re:  He-Whom-I-Have-Not-Endorsed

Ditto OWH; column by Mona Charon (10/18):  "Trump fuels 'war on women' myth. DT lives down to every crude stereotype that the left has ever conjured about the right. If HC mad scientists attempting to create the only candidate she could defeat had concocted him in a laboratory, he could not be playing his role any better . . . "  [Lest you think I've become an avid DT advocate. *] * Otherwise known as ADTA. SEE comments above.

** BLoggers Against Hypocrisy