Iowanians, Beware! Dangerous Wild Animals! Religious Undertones!

My Temporary New Status

If you read the local newspaper, you might have noted that the FRI 8/19 edition revealed that the NDN has assigned two journalists to cover the MON 8/21 event. What it failed to mention? I can neither confirm nor deny that I have been designated as the official "e-journalist" for this event. Don't bother seeking confirmation from any "official" sources. I'm just grateful that the editor of the Daily News continues to display so much confidence in my abilities. Sometimes I figure things out that nobody else figures out.

C.S.B.L.* Eclipse Journal

THU 8/17 1:30p:  Special Eye Gear. You have probably seen or read in the media that there is no longer a plethora of special eye gear, designed to let you observe the eclipse w/o permanently damaging your cornea. Fortunately, I had the foresight--which you've come to expect--to purchase my eye gear weeks ago. You may have a difficult if not impossible time finding even cheap knock-offs at this late juncture.
      Never fear! Being the philanthropist that I am, I am willing to auction my special eyeglasses, certified to be the "real deal," allowing someone else to safely view this once-in-a-lifetime event. Contact me via the comment section of this blog. Bids start @ $1,500. I will donate the proceeds to the NSHFEDI * **. * Nebraska State Hospital for Eclipse Eye Damaged Iowanians. ** As far as you know.

FRI 8/18, 8:00a:  Change of Plans! Yesterday morning when I was perusing my favorite newspaper's competitor, I read that one of the highways that is expected to experience some of the heaviest congestion is U.S. Hwy 77 between Lincoln & Beatrice, where my sister & brother-in-law live * . I had planned to travel to Lincoln on SUN 8/19, stay overnight w/my daughter & her family, then leave for Beatrice early on MON 8/21. Alarmed, I called my sister who confirmed that I would be pressing my luck if I waited to leave Lincoln for Beatrice, even as early as 1:00a on MON 8/21. * I realize that by printing their full names, there is a risk that nefarious eclipse roadies will search out their villa in Beatrice & use it for an illicit viewing pad. Yet I also feel that they deserve credit for allowing me to stay w/them overnight & feeding me on MON 8/21. They are C------ & M--- B----.

SAT 8/19 Wild Turkeys, 10:55a. Lois startled me by shrieking, "PAUL!" * Terrified that she had fallen down the stairs & broken a leg, I rushed to the basement. No Lois! I ran back upstairs & called out her name. She responded that she was outside. She said that I had just missed the wild turkeys walking across our street, several houses to the west. We rushed to our deck & sure enough--here they came, browsing their way through our neighbor's backyard, followed by several children who were apparently unaware that wild turkeys are among the most vicious predators in North America. **
     My conclusion? Since I can't ever recall seeing wild turkeys in our neighborhood before, I can only conclude that this is an example of the aberrant behavior that we've been warned could occur during the eclipse. * I was doing scientific research for this special blog. ** You can look it up. You may discover that wild turkeys cause more deaths annually than all those caused by grizzly bears, mountain lions, & alligators combined!

FRI 8/18, 10:00a:  Hwy Congestion & Alternate Routes. After noting again that both the OWH & NDN advised that one of the most heavily traveled highways on MON 8/21 will be U.S. Hwy 77 from Lincoln to Beatrice, I deduced what may seem obvious. Legal citizens of Nebraska will use the I-80 corridor [between Omaha & Lincoln] & Hwy 77 to travel to Beatrice, thereby avoiding the congestion expected in the Grand Island-Kearney area. 
      Thanks to some careful research by the CSBERT * , any of you Iowanians from across the river may have have deduced the same erroneous conclusion should NOT cross the Mighty Missouri & head toward Beatrice. I can neither confirm nor deny that a premier viewing site--one that has sadly not received much attention in the drive-by media--is Le Mars, IA. Not only can you get a great 1st hand view of the eclipse ** , you can also enjoy ice cream at the internationally renowned visitors' center.
* Cornhusker State Blog Eclipse Research Team ** Actually, a 1st hand look would get you fried to a crisp.

FRI 8/18, 6:00p: Drop in Temperature. My hometown newspaper confirmed what I had read in other less reputable sources. During the eclipse, the temperature will drop . . . DRASTICALLY! I feel obligated to caution those planning to attend this event in Beatrice. Think again! Beatrice is probably the site on the total eclipse ban in Nebraska that is closest to the South Pole. At the very least, know the symptoms of hypothermia & how to respond.

FRI 8/18, 11:25p:  Longmire. I've been hooked on Longmire, using Netflix to binge-watch this outstanding series. Story lines are entirely plausible. Acting is reminiscent of previous award-winning shows, like Welcome Back, Kotter. There are no stereotypes, reminiscent of All in the Family. But I digress.

      In one of the episodes I watched last night, Longmire, with the help of a native American friend, undergoes an eagle ceremony in order to purify himself from previous sins. * The final sequence has him standing in agony, framed by the full moon, then framed by the rising sun. Coincidence? I think not! * I always appreciate TV series that delve into the details of mainstream Christianity.

SAT 8/19, 9:30a: Politics. After checking out the Drudge Report & my favorite conservative pundit this morning * , it appears to me that this upcoming showcase of our solar system is stressing pundits on both extreme ends of the political spectrum, leading them to make all sorts of paranoid & vicious comments about the other side . . . Comments the nature of which I have not noticed up until now. ** * Jonah Goldberg ** Sometimes I crack myself up. 

SAT 8/19 Wild Turkeys, 10:55a. Lois startled me by shrieking, "PAUL!" * Terrified that she had fallen down the stairs & broken a leg, I rushed to the basement. No Lois! I ran back upstairs & called out her name. She responded that she was outside. She said that I had just missed the wild turkeys walking across our street, several houses to the west. We rushed to our deck & sure enough--here they came, browsing their way through our neighbor's backyard, followed by several children who were apparently unaware that wild turkeys are among the most vicious predators in North America. **

     My conclusion? Since I can't ever recall seeing wild turkeys in our neighborhood before, I can only conclude that this is an example of the aberrant behavior that we've been warned could occur during the eclipse. * I was doing scientific research for this special blog. ** You can look it up. You may discover that wild turkeys cause more deaths annually than all those caused by grizzly bears, mountain lions, & alligators combined!

SAT 8/19, 1:00p:  Interdenominational Plans. I just inferred a rumor on the Internet---& this may be fake news--that some religions are planning "interdenominational events" on MON 8/19. This may or may not include:

• Islamic mosques & Hindu temples whose members will be meeting together to chant, "Death to the infidels" during the total phase of the eclipse.

• Mormons & Jehovah's Witnesses who are getting together in hopes that this celestial event will usher in the events prophesied to occur in the End Times by their thoroughly discredited founders.

• Members of the DNC & the drive-by media, who plan to hold rallies throughout the day on MON 8/19, hoping to provoke right wing extremists.