Grandkids Are Cool . . . So Are Teachers

Grandkids Are Cool . . . So Are Teachers

From "Being a guest at grandkids' birthday party good thing," column by Sharon Randall Norfolk Daily News (8/29):  "  Here's a confession. I love to watch children. All children. Even when they're being little toads. But I especially love to watch my grand-children. I can't begin to tell you how it made me feel to see them light up & shout 'Nana' each time they saw me watching them . . . It's a fine thing--worth gray hair & bad knees--to see a child light up like that . . . I think that's why teachers teach:  To watch children light up at learning & life . . . "  
MY COMMENT:  Her comments about grandkids are obvious, but what about teachers? When I would visit Lois' 1st grade classroom, I'd tell her that although I was glad that I served in high schools, I was a little jealous. First graders--for the most part--love school, love their teachers . . . I had to be careful not to visit in the middle of her lesson, because the little toads(?) were apt to greet me loudly & rush to give me hugs. I heard her talk about the challenges of teaching 1st graders, but I also saw her joy at watching her kids light up at learning & life. I hope she realizes that it was because of her teaching, nurturing, &  mentoring.

There Is No Place Like . . . New York??

NDN (8/28):  "Couple married on bus . . . A NYC couple who met on a bus 13 yrs ago have now gotten married on one . . . He (Osvaldo Jimenez) said that when he suggested getting married on the same bus, she (Kara Mullins) replied, 'Heck, yeah, let's do it.' A friend performed the ceremony." 

MY COMMENT:  Other romantic yet quirky places to meet your future spouse, then come back & marry her some years later.

• A sweet corn & watermelon stand in the parking lot of a KFC.
• The swine barn at the Nebraska State Fair.
• A tailgate party outside Memorial Stadium before a Cornhusker football game.
• Browsing in Wal-mart for Big Red overalls.
• Sitting in the library, reading the Farmer's Almanac.

Conversations with My Grandson

I picked up Bentley, my 4-year-old grandson, after preschool yesterday. As I was driving him to daycare, we passed a cement truck. He loves trucks. He notices truck. He almost gets deliriously excited when he sees trucks, especially big trucks. As we passed a cement truck that was next to some road construction, he said, "It's a cement truck." Here's the rest of our conversation.

• ME:  Would you like to drive a cement truck when you grow up?
• B:  I'm in preschool.
• ME:  Right. I mean when you grow up like your dad & mom. Would you like to drive a cement truck?
• B:  No, I have to go to preschool.
• ME:  What would you like to be when you grow up?
• B:  Spiderman.

Fond memories + NE vs IA, WY, NYC? No contest + Runzas vs Corn dogs?

A trip down memory lane . . . Yardsticks + Runzas vs Corn Dogs & Butter Cows

Omaha World Herald (8/26):  "Chuck E. Cheeses's is phasing out its iconic band, the larger-than-life ensemble that has performed at the kid-friendly pizza chain for decades. in a big to become more parent-friendly." 
Ah . . . Dining @ Chuck E. Cheese with grandkids . . . Great memories!

• Realizing that after two exposures to the animatronic band, all they wanted to do was rush off to the games while barely sampling the bland yet overpriced food.
• Following them from game to game to game . . . Helping them collect tickets to spend on cheap yet meaningless trinkets whose pleasure lasted only until they got their prizes home, fought about sharing them for awhile, then losing or breaking them. [ADDENDUM:  I spent years of my life waiting for those kids to make up their mind about these same "treats. "Should I get the Chuck E. Cheese stickers, or should I get the 4" tall knock-off doll whose hair will fall out the first time it's exposed to water?" ME:  I don't know. Why don't you spend another hour deciding?]
• Hosting birthday parties--totally relaxing for parents & other adults, also terrifying to young grand-children when Chuck E. Cheese appeared at the table IN PERSON & the wait staff gathered around & sang "Happy Birthday" off-key.
• One more long-lasting memory:  Having one of the grandkids barf pizza & assorted other food stuffs on Lois' lap while we sat at the table, entertained by the gorilla & friends. [For some reason, she chose to take this child home rather than staying around to enjoy the games & prizes.]

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dept. of Shameless Joke Stealing

Norfolk Daily News (8/25) From Go Ahead & Smile:  "What do you call an overweight alien? Extra cholesterol.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Go Big Red! Wyoming? Hmmmm . . . NYC? Yeah, right.

OWH (8/26):  "State Fair visitors stick with one of its longest traditions. By any measure, one of the prized freebies from the NE State Fair is a yardstick. Year after year, scores of fairgoers can be seen at any time strolling the 240-acre grounds [in Grand Island] with a slender piece of wood that measures 36" long. It's as much of a fair tradition as watching the birth of piglets, riding the Ferris wheel & peering face to face with a catfish behind the glass wall of a huge aquarium." 

MY COMMENT:  Yardsticks . . . so much better than standing in line for hours to get a minute-long gaze at a butter cow w/o even a patty of butter to take home. [SEE related item below.]

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #
SIDEBAR: The following item may drive my son-in-law to take a quick(?) road trip from Ventura, IA, to the nearest Runza restaurant in NE. I don't want to embarrass him by mentioning him by name. I'll just refer to him as J--se B-rns.

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

OWH (8/26):  Nebraska's beloved Runza sandwich will represent the state at a new national food event. The Flavored Nation event in OCT aims to serve the most iconic food from each of the 50 states. Organizers of the event have selected the corn dog as the food representing Iowa . . . The first Runza Restaurant opened in 1949 in Lincoln & began serving the namesake, Runza sandwich, which features ground beef, onion, cabbage & seasonings baked inside homemade bread . . . "

MY COMMENTS:  We had never encountered these one-of-a-kind taste temptations until we moved to Lincoln in 1980. We couldn't get enough of them! My favorite? The original Runza . . .  Lois? The Swiss cheese mushroom burger. And I STILL crave an occasional trip to their drive-thru to treat myself to an order of onion rings, better than onion rings found at any other fast food chain.
# # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

OWH (8/26):  "Where to age gracefully . . . Nebraska & Iowa rank high in a report examining quality of life & health care. All 50 states were ranked by the elder-care resources site Caring.com on 13 categories including quality, cost & availability. The calculations also incorporated a state-by-state well-being ranking for older Americans." 
MY COMMENT:Too bad it doesn't actually compare IA & NE in the rankings. It does list these "WORST States to Grow Old In."  (1) Wyoming, (2) North Dakota, (3) New York, (4) Indiana, (5) W. Virginia."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS YOU WILL NO DOUBT FIND HILARIOUS

For years I have resisted Lois' efforts to add NYC to our bucket list. Why? After watching years of CSI New York & Law & Order episodes, my thought was, "Why visit NYC just to get murdered?" 
After binge-watching "Longmire" on Netflix, it turns out that WY seems to experience an equal number of rare murders that are resistant to the best efforts of forensic experts & law enforcement. [In all fairness, WY has Oregon Trail Sites, the Grand Tetons. NYC has, what? A monument to a historic site of the first riot on behalf of gay rights? [I am not a hater.] *
* Having said that, it's been & continues to be my favorite show to binge-watch. Much more wholesome than those Marvel & D.C. cartoon-like wannabe's.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Taglines from the Drudge Report (8/26) 

• "California Could Tax Drinking Water . . . "
• "Sex robot TAX . . . "In my efforts to continue being as apolitical as possible, mostly for the sake of my own mental health, along by ongoing threats from, well, you guess which side of the political spectrum, I'll my time, energy, & mental health well-being by thinking up [which is not always as easy as you might think] witty, snarky comments, not to mention the time reading & re-reading these items for inspiration [& to make sure that I have reported the substance of the news items accurately].

1. "When will [CA] start putting coin slots on public drinking water fountains? Adding a surcharge on periodicals that publish conservative punditry [which won't add up to very much money raised in this state]? Taxing air, especially in areas where air pollution is the worst. After all, isn't that where the most funds are needed? Aren't the people in these areas, which pretty much ranges from the SF area to the Mexican border, most responsible for their own air pollution problem? Solution:  Tax them.

Exerpts from My STILL favorite pundit (NRO, 8/25)

"Many liberals love to mock the "War on Christmas. And they also have a point. But many of these liberals are the first to argue that we need to replace Christmas w/l'Winter Break' or bore me to death with pseudo-sophisticated lectures about pagan solstices."  COMMENT: He writes this in a section re:  iconoclasts. Guess whom he considers to be just as iconoclastic if not more to than those of us in fly-over country?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
ICONOCLAST:  "A person who attacks cherished beliefs, traditional institutions, etc., as being in error. (dictionary.com).
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

A link to JG's Various & Sundry items:  

"Man stops for Chick-fil-A nuggets while wife is in labor. A NC father-to-be whose wife was in labor made a pit stop at Chick-fil-A on the way to the hospital MON a.m. & grabbed a bag of his favorites chicken nuggets . . . 'She was relaxed & I was starving,' Wes Cope told the Charlotte Observe. 'If you want Chick-fil-A to move fast, tell them your wife's in labor. They did."  COMMENT:  Notice what this man did NOT stop to buy because he was starving? That's right. A corndog.

What about those of us who can't use this as a valid excuse to get speed up a fast-food order?

• I need to make sure that I get a good seat for the next total eclipse.
• Please get me a Runza "to go" to I have time to drive to the IA State Fair & get in line for bacon-flavored corn dogs.
• [Californianites will appreciate this one, I'm sure.] Could you speed up my order before an additional fee is added to ketchup & mustard packets?

Homework? Bah! + Continuing Egg Coverage + Butter Cows vs Kool-Aid

G.O.M.E.R. * off hiatus.

* Grumpy Old Men & Their Elucidating Rants

• New homework policy. Norfolk Daily News (8/22): Students in kindergarten through 4th graders won't be receiving homework at N-- P----- S----s * this year. The district has recently reviewed the research on homework for elementary-aged students & has set this new expectation for homework during the '17-18 school year. This is based on research that shows that homework for students in these grades does not have a positive effect on student achievement, school officials said." * 

* I hesitate to publish the entire name of this school district for fear that the next step may be to ban any & all school work, in class or out.  COMMENT:  Another comment in this article referenced the need for busy families, including their children, to free up time for more family time, like eating meals together. This will give kids time to watch TV, play w/electronic devices, and/or message friends--much more educational, much more likely to learn & reinforce healthy lifestyle habits.

• "Seniors snap up $10 lifetime parks passes. After SUN the permits will cost $80 . . . " OWH (8/24). COMMENT: I got my lifetime pass at Scottsbluff National Monument a couple of summers ago. It paid off, since it got us into Yellowstone, Grand Tetons, Little Bighorn Battle Site, & Ft. Laramie Historical Site. This freed up extra cash, allowing Lois & me to buy our grand-children "My grandma & papa visited Yellowstone & got chased by murderous bears, & all I got was this lousy t-shirt."
• "Powerball . . . The odds of winning the Powerball jackpot are 1 in 292 million, the NE Lottery said. But local ticket buys said it's worth taking a shot, especially when the payoff is this hefty . . . " OWH: (8/24). COMMENT:  I can't remember the payoff--I threw the rest of the story away--but these odds are better than the CA legislature enacting tax cuts or relaxing regulations prohibiting timber harvesting on vacant lots.
• "Ex-Dutch government minister to lead probe into tainted eggs." OWH (8/24). COMMENT: In my 8/23 blog, I referenced a story about a town in Belgium creating an omelette, using 10,000 eggs, despite the threat of tainted eggs. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

DEPT. OF HEADLINES WE'D LIKE TO SEE

"Netherlands government left with egg on it's face. Egged on by other EU countries to open probe." *
* Do I detect some groaning? I for one am grateful that the Dutch government isn't laying around. Plus, it will be a feather in the cap for the head of this probe, should it be successful.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

There is no place like . . .

IOWA (Maybe MINNESOTA)??

• "More than 1 million people typically visit the Iowa State Fair each year; every one of them is clustered around the Butter Cow's climate-controlled glass enclosure. Here are some details about the creamy sculpture that has been an essential part of the fair since 1911. COMMENT:  I will say that it deters Iowanian fairgoers w/high blood pressure from binging on bacon-flavored corn-on-the-cob.
• "Is it really made of butter? It's not solid butter. The core of the cow is composed of a wood, wire & steel mesh frame, & that structure is then layered w/about 600 lbs of IA butter. COMMENT:  Wait . . . what? I just took the IA State Fair off my bucket list.
• "That seems like a lot of butter to waste. The state fair estimates it's enough butter for `9,00 slices of toast, but even fairgoers w/grumbling stomachs probably wouldn't want to dig into the sculpture. Most of the butter is reused from year to year, & some of it is up to a decade old. [SEE previous comment.]
• Do other states have butter cows? Yes, They're particularly popular in the Midwest, w/sculptures in IL, MN, MO, & WI. The MN State Fair's sculptures are especially beloved as each year a dairy association's Princess Kay of the Milky Way & her court have the likenesses carved into 90-lb butter blocks."  COMMENT:  And the MN State Fair replaces Iowa's on my bucket list.
• Norfolk Daily News (8/21). COMMENT:  Too bad . . . This is the closest the majority of chiildren from major cities in IA  will get to a real cow. 

NEW YORK??

• "Whale watching? Try New York. On a gray summer afternoon a double-decker ferry cruised around NY's Rockaway Peninsula as rain drove in sheets. Undaunted, the passengers . . . looked out windows, hoping to glimpse their quarry. A voice came over a weak microphone. 'You're going to help all of us find whales,' Catherine Granton said.' said . . . Yes, whales in New York. Granton is an educator for the nonprofit Gotham Whale, which has been tracking humpbacks off the coast of NYC since 2011, after fishermen began reporting sightings. To date, the organization has cataloged 60 individual humpback whales in the area." Omaha World Herald (8/24). COMMENT:  I'm sure this whale watching cruise is way more economical than taking a whale watching cruise in Hawaii. On the other hand, when we took our kids on two whale watching cruises off Oahu, when we returned to dry land, we returned to . . . Hawaii. When the people on these cruises returned to dry land, they returned to . . . NYC! 
• Also, I need to offer a mea culpa. I neglected to write down the references before throwing this clipping away.

NEBRASKA!!!!!!!

• "Hastings festival devoted to Kool-Aid (NDN 8/23):  Sometimes in the tumult & the strife of 2017, it seems highly advisable to close Twitter, shove your iPhone deep into your pocket, take a deep breath & allow a smiling volunteer to pour you an ice-cold mug of Kool Aid. That is what I did on a recent Saturday, at the only known lace in the world where you could choose between 20 difference flavors of Kool-Aid & then settle in to watch a pair of uber-committed pre-teens readying to do battle in a Kool-Aid chugging contest . . . " NDN( 8/23). COMMENT:  Hmmm . . . This seems like a cultural step above a 10,000 egg omelette & at LEAST the equivalent of a butter cow.

Today's celebrity watch *

"Clooney donation. George & Amal Clooney are donating $1 million to fight hate groups. The couple announced TUE that their Clooney Foundation for Justice is supporting the Southern Poverty Law Center w/a $1 million grant to combat hate groups in the U.S. George Clooney said in a statement TUE that they wanted to add their voices & financial assistance to the fight for equality." NDN (8/23). COMMENT:  I can neither confirm nor deny these rumors. (1) The DNC was on the list of hate groups originally targeted by the Clooney's. Then GC remembered that he's a Hollywood celebrity. (2) "Before donating $1 million to this worthy cause, I wish I would have known about the Dutch Tainted Egg Probe. I missed the opportunity to split my donation in 1/2 in order to support tainted egg probes.
* You won't find this kind of objective commentary in sources like Time Magazine.

Final Eclipse items + Historical Markers + Eggs & Martin Luther

Eclipso-mania

Now that we've all had a chance to sit back, catch our breath, & relax after last Monday's event of the century, here are some observation. *
* DISCLAIMER #1:  As always, I cannot guarantee whether you will find my observations as wildly witty as I do. **
** DISCLAIMER #2:   Fake news. Because of the plethora of information clogging the Internet over the past 6 months, I cannot guarantee that all of my information is partially or fully truthful. I haven't been practicing the due diligence that you've come to expect from me. [My Eclipse Chase Team misinterpreted their GPS signal & ended up on Ostrich Island--near the Canary Islands--& couldn't fact-check all the rumors I may or may not have been hearing or seeing.

What matched the hype? 

As I was driving back to Norfolk from Beatrice in [perhaps] bumper-to-bumper traffic [SEE Traffic item below.], a Lincoln radio station was soliciting phone calls from listeners. Here are the questions they were asking:  (1) Rate the eclipse on a scale of 1-10, using as a reference the actual event compared to all the hype. (2) What did you like best and/or which of your expectations were met, even if you can't give the event a "9" or "10"?

• Darkness, Part I. The sky started to darken noticeably as I was driving from Lincoln to Beatrice already on SUN evening. 
• Food. My brother-in-law M---'s smoked, barbecued ribs & my sister's ice cream cake dessert were everything I expected . . . & more. In fact, even if this event of the century would have been completely obscured. the noon-time cuisine would have [most likely] made up for the disappointment. 
• Temperatures. I'm going to guess that the air temperature [w/o factoring in the ECF *] plummeted anywhere from 4-6 degrees F during the 2 1/2 minutes of the entire eclipse. * Eclipse chill factor
• Animals. The effects of the those 2 1/2 minutes of total eclipse were dramatically evident in the animal, plant, & human kingdoms. I can neither confirm nor deny that cows grazing in pastures outside of Norfolk started wandering aimlessly & banged into tree.
• Eye protection. I was grateful to my brother-in-law, M---, who shared a welder's mask with me . . . even more helpful that $1.99 eclipse glasses from Hy-Vee.

I woud rate this phenomena an 8.0.

What did NOT match the hype and/or what was disappointing and/or stressful?

• Traffic was not as bad as we were led to believe. I left Beatrice at 4:00p (CDT) & was back in Norfolk by 1:00a on TUE morning . . . as far as you know.
• Despite the steady stream of traffic & considering that my sister C------ & brother-in-law live on a major thoroughfare heading west toward Homestead National Monument, not a single car bearing an Iowanian license plate stopped & asked us if this event would be postponed, if necessary. This was surprising because . . . 
• The eclipse was scheduled to begin at 11:30, which is when the shadow of the moon started to obscure our special eyewear view of the sun. It had rained off & on throughout the morning hours, there was some cloud cover & haze, & a consistent threat of thunderstorms or other severe weather lasting throughout the event. It was a little stressful is all I'm sayin'.

I Can Neither Confirm nor Deny * 

* Sometimes I figure things out or come up w/relevant questions that nobody else seems to think of.

• Especially considering all the made-to-order opportunities available in a plethora of settings, nowhere was it advertised that Corona Beer was an official corporate sponsor of the 2017 American Full Eclipse.
• The Platte River south of Columbus seemed to be running much higher than when I drove over it in the morning. Was this due to a controversial theory known as "eclipse evaporation obstruction?" Inquiring minds want to know.

Eclipse, Theology, Drudge

I noticed these two taglines on the Drudge Report at 11:57a, MON 8/21. [I was tired of seeing the same eclipse stories repeated ad nauseum, as we channel-surfed among the three t.v. channels that were providing massive coverage.

• "Once-in-a-Lifetime Event."  The next full eclipse visible from Nebraska will be in--I think--96 years. If you read this tagline, you assume that the basic principle is that you will not live to see another full eclipse from the continental U.S.
• "Apocalypse? Rapture? Second Coming?" If any of these events occur before one's natural demise, the next full eclipse visible from Nebraska will also be a "Once-in-a-Lifetime Event", right? [NOTE:  Lutherans believe in the 2nd coming. The apocalypse & rapture? Not so much.]

Other miscellaneous reflections . . . 

• Taped re-runs of eclipse coverage. The last time I checked the t.v. coverage, it was pretty certain that we were NOT going to get rained out. Yet these esteemed journalists were still reporting that we were in a severe thunderstorm watch. I checked the radar. No signs of thunderstorms anywhere close. When I pointed out this contradiction to my sister, she thoughtfully & without the least hint of condescension in her voice [No, seriously, Christy!] noted that all the TV coverage had been repeating for the last hour or so. I was watching a replay that was obsolete by 2 hours.
• Eye damage & the gene pool. I know this sounds cruel, but after everything we've read & heard & seen in advance, along w/the same information repeated ad nauseam on TV all morning, people who decided to tempt fate & stare directly at the sun . . . Don't you think this can only benefit the gene pool? [Honestly, I don't know if this makes sense. I just thought it was funny. Cruel but funny.]
• Bill Nye @ Homestead monument. I mentioned earlier the haze that diminished the sight of the eclipse somewhat. After watching & listening to Bill Nye the Science guy a few times on MON morning, it made sense that the haze included a high level of "air pollution, contributing to the haze. Draw your own conclusions.
• People selling water bottles. I thought that maybe grocery stores & c-stores would already be discounting bottled water by later on MON afternoon. If they were or are, I haven't noticed it.

Dateline:  Norfolk Daily News

8/21:  "Lots of stops." Boston-area residents said they've set the world record for traveling to every stop on the city's subway system in about 7 1/2 hours." I am trying to find out how many historical markers are to be found in Nebraska. Once I do & once I have a map, along w/detailed directions to each one, I may try to set the record for stopping at all our historical markers in the shortest amount of time. [And it will be by car, not subway.] A new project for me to pursue in my retirement?

Food for Thought

"Defying egg scare, Belgian town makes giant omelet." Omaha World Herald 8/21: "Defying rain & a tainted-egg scandal that has shaken European consumers, a Belgian town turned nearly 10,000 eggs into a giant omelet for the whole community . . . It's an annual event in the town of Malmedy that took on greater meaning this year as several European countries have reported receiving eggs or egg products contaminated by a pesticide." Although I cannot reveal my source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, I offer the following.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 
PRESS RELEASE:  Officials of Malmedy, Belgium, proceeded with their controversial egg omelette, despite possible mass poisoning, damaged DNA, whatever. Town mayor Jacques Cousteau * commented, "This annual event which began sometime during the Reformation in a reaction to Martin Luther, an well-know egg afficionado, is much more important than any possible health hazards, including possible genetic harm to our children."
* An obvious pseudonym
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Eclipse Insights + News + Commentary

ECLIPSE E-REPORT SUNDAY 10/20

I'm going to need to keep this much shorter than yesterday's post. I'm leaving soon for the Worley's in Lincoln, where I will enjoy an undoubtedly tasty repast. Then it's on to my brother-in-law [M--- B----] & sister's [C------ B----] place in Beatrice for tomorrow's eclipse event.

SAT 8/19, 6:00p:  Early birds don't always get the bird. Based on rumors I may or may not have been seeing on one of my favorite on-line resources, I sent my CSBLEC * on a last minute road trip to check out our neighbors to the East. These rumors turned out to be accurate, more or less. Many Iowanians got confused last night, mistaking SUN 8/19 for the date of the eclipse. Fuel was added to their frenzy when the following occurred. 

• The sky started darkening before sunset. 
• The sun actually disappeared.
• Many birds & other animals' familiar behaviors ensued, typical of what you would exhibit when the sun completely disappears.
• The moon suddenly appeared after the sun was gone.

Most Iowanians caught on after the sun, regretfully, didn't reappear.

* Cornhusker State Blog Lite Eclipse Chasers

SUN 8/20, 6:30a:  Here's another item that I may or may not have seen on one of my favorite Internet sites. Thousands, perhaps millions of people in CA are furious at Governor Jerry "Moonbeam" Brown for using his executive powers to enact a $500 tax on each pair of CPDEG's *. Those Californiates who thought, "Ha Ha . . . I bought my "eclipse eyewear months ago, did not realize that the CA legislature created a state CPDEG registry. Conservations are pointing to this as another example of the nanny state. Liberals welcomed this provision . . . or at at least they did until now.

* Cornea Permanent Damage Eye Guards

I gleaned this helpful information from the Omaha World Herald's SUN 8/20 edition. I also added my helpful commentary and/or insights. You are welcome.

• "Rumors of celebrity sightings, or pending arrivals, were swirling around Alliance. The list included actors Harrison Ford & Johnny Depp & rapper Snoop Dogg."  COMMENT:  Johnny & Snoop may attract liberal visitors from red states. Blue state Cornhuskers will only be impressed if they see Harrison. Or Mike Pence. Or that goofy, former rock star who sings "Cat Scratch Fever."
• "(Paul) Auguston, the early-arriving camper at Carhenge, said viewing a total eclipse is unforgettably spiritual. "It's a celestial experience, 'he said.'"  COMMENT:  Do you think it's a coincidence that Carhenge is located just a hop, skip, & jump from Colorado? Yeah, I don't think so either.
• "One of [a Nebraska eclipse hotline volunteer]'s favorite questions from the thousands of calls to the tourism office was the one from a woman who asked if it would be OK to tape eclipse glasses for on dog . . . " COMMENT:  Suspicions were raised when the phone # was back-traced to a # in the Twin Cities, believed to be connected to PETEEAP *.
• "Some disgruntled visitors, however, have posted social media complaints about price gouging at private campsites." COMMENT:  Undoubtedly these are people who would rather see prices fixed by a socialistic government. My take on it? Boo Hoo! Too bad. So sad!
• "[An Alliance native],"said some residents may awaken MON morning, look out a window & find a visitor sleeping in a caar parked in the street. 'If that's what you find, walk out there w/a cup of coffee, knock on the window, & give them the cup & welcome them to Alliance. COMMENT:  As per my previous comment, check their license plate or otherwise interrogate them first. If they are residents of a blue state, offer them a cup of coffee, but practice some price gouging. My suggestion? If they're tree-hugger liberals, tell them your $20 cup of coffee is tax deductible & will be forwarded to the "Save Nebraska Mountain Lions."

* People for the Ethical Treatment of Eclipse Eye Abuse Pets.

One last comment, then I really need to get going. It's already 2:00p. For all I know, traffic on U.S. Hwy 81 between Norfolk & Columbus, State Hwy 15 between David City & Seward, & State Hwy 34 between Seward & Lincoln may already be bumper-to-bumper, stop-and-go. The weather forecast for Beatrice tomorrow, in fact all of eastern NE, especially SE NE, call for a significant chance of overcast skies. As I have pointed out before, the sky will still turn dark. However, many visitors who have NOT booked non-refundable, price-gouging rates at hotels may choose not to check out our primo viewing sites. That will be a plethora of convenience stores way overstocked w/a plethora of wide-brimmed hats, water bottles, power drinks, etc. This will only benefit some of us, who will take advantage of rock-bottom prices later tomorrow & the days following.

Iowanians, Beware! Dangerous Wild Animals! Religious Undertones!

My Temporary New Status

If you read the local newspaper, you might have noted that the FRI 8/19 edition revealed that the NDN has assigned two journalists to cover the MON 8/21 event. What it failed to mention? I can neither confirm nor deny that I have been designated as the official "e-journalist" for this event. Don't bother seeking confirmation from any "official" sources. I'm just grateful that the editor of the Daily News continues to display so much confidence in my abilities. Sometimes I figure things out that nobody else figures out.

C.S.B.L.* Eclipse Journal

THU 8/17 1:30p:  Special Eye Gear. You have probably seen or read in the media that there is no longer a plethora of special eye gear, designed to let you observe the eclipse w/o permanently damaging your cornea. Fortunately, I had the foresight--which you've come to expect--to purchase my eye gear weeks ago. You may have a difficult if not impossible time finding even cheap knock-offs at this late juncture.
      Never fear! Being the philanthropist that I am, I am willing to auction my special eyeglasses, certified to be the "real deal," allowing someone else to safely view this once-in-a-lifetime event. Contact me via the comment section of this blog. Bids start @ $1,500. I will donate the proceeds to the NSHFEDI * **. * Nebraska State Hospital for Eclipse Eye Damaged Iowanians. ** As far as you know.

FRI 8/18, 8:00a:  Change of Plans! Yesterday morning when I was perusing my favorite newspaper's competitor, I read that one of the highways that is expected to experience some of the heaviest congestion is U.S. Hwy 77 between Lincoln & Beatrice, where my sister & brother-in-law live * . I had planned to travel to Lincoln on SUN 8/19, stay overnight w/my daughter & her family, then leave for Beatrice early on MON 8/21. Alarmed, I called my sister who confirmed that I would be pressing my luck if I waited to leave Lincoln for Beatrice, even as early as 1:00a on MON 8/21. * I realize that by printing their full names, there is a risk that nefarious eclipse roadies will search out their villa in Beatrice & use it for an illicit viewing pad. Yet I also feel that they deserve credit for allowing me to stay w/them overnight & feeding me on MON 8/21. They are C------ & M--- B----.

SAT 8/19 Wild Turkeys, 10:55a. Lois startled me by shrieking, "PAUL!" * Terrified that she had fallen down the stairs & broken a leg, I rushed to the basement. No Lois! I ran back upstairs & called out her name. She responded that she was outside. She said that I had just missed the wild turkeys walking across our street, several houses to the west. We rushed to our deck & sure enough--here they came, browsing their way through our neighbor's backyard, followed by several children who were apparently unaware that wild turkeys are among the most vicious predators in North America. **
     My conclusion? Since I can't ever recall seeing wild turkeys in our neighborhood before, I can only conclude that this is an example of the aberrant behavior that we've been warned could occur during the eclipse. * I was doing scientific research for this special blog. ** You can look it up. You may discover that wild turkeys cause more deaths annually than all those caused by grizzly bears, mountain lions, & alligators combined!

FRI 8/18, 10:00a:  Hwy Congestion & Alternate Routes. After noting again that both the OWH & NDN advised that one of the most heavily traveled highways on MON 8/21 will be U.S. Hwy 77 from Lincoln to Beatrice, I deduced what may seem obvious. Legal citizens of Nebraska will use the I-80 corridor [between Omaha & Lincoln] & Hwy 77 to travel to Beatrice, thereby avoiding the congestion expected in the Grand Island-Kearney area. 
      Thanks to some careful research by the CSBERT * , any of you Iowanians from across the river may have have deduced the same erroneous conclusion should NOT cross the Mighty Missouri & head toward Beatrice. I can neither confirm nor deny that a premier viewing site--one that has sadly not received much attention in the drive-by media--is Le Mars, IA. Not only can you get a great 1st hand view of the eclipse ** , you can also enjoy ice cream at the internationally renowned visitors' center.
* Cornhusker State Blog Eclipse Research Team ** Actually, a 1st hand look would get you fried to a crisp.

FRI 8/18, 6:00p: Drop in Temperature. My hometown newspaper confirmed what I had read in other less reputable sources. During the eclipse, the temperature will drop . . . DRASTICALLY! I feel obligated to caution those planning to attend this event in Beatrice. Think again! Beatrice is probably the site on the total eclipse ban in Nebraska that is closest to the South Pole. At the very least, know the symptoms of hypothermia & how to respond.

FRI 8/18, 11:25p:  Longmire. I've been hooked on Longmire, using Netflix to binge-watch this outstanding series. Story lines are entirely plausible. Acting is reminiscent of previous award-winning shows, like Welcome Back, Kotter. There are no stereotypes, reminiscent of All in the Family. But I digress.

      In one of the episodes I watched last night, Longmire, with the help of a native American friend, undergoes an eagle ceremony in order to purify himself from previous sins. * The final sequence has him standing in agony, framed by the full moon, then framed by the rising sun. Coincidence? I think not! * I always appreciate TV series that delve into the details of mainstream Christianity.

SAT 8/19, 9:30a: Politics. After checking out the Drudge Report & my favorite conservative pundit this morning * , it appears to me that this upcoming showcase of our solar system is stressing pundits on both extreme ends of the political spectrum, leading them to make all sorts of paranoid & vicious comments about the other side . . . Comments the nature of which I have not noticed up until now. ** * Jonah Goldberg ** Sometimes I crack myself up. 

SAT 8/19 Wild Turkeys, 10:55a. Lois startled me by shrieking, "PAUL!" * Terrified that she had fallen down the stairs & broken a leg, I rushed to the basement. No Lois! I ran back upstairs & called out her name. She responded that she was outside. She said that I had just missed the wild turkeys walking across our street, several houses to the west. We rushed to our deck & sure enough--here they came, browsing their way through our neighbor's backyard, followed by several children who were apparently unaware that wild turkeys are among the most vicious predators in North America. **

     My conclusion? Since I can't ever recall seeing wild turkeys in our neighborhood before, I can only conclude that this is an example of the aberrant behavior that we've been warned could occur during the eclipse. * I was doing scientific research for this special blog. ** You can look it up. You may discover that wild turkeys cause more deaths annually than all those caused by grizzly bears, mountain lions, & alligators combined!

SAT 8/19, 1:00p:  Interdenominational Plans. I just inferred a rumor on the Internet---& this may be fake news--that some religions are planning "interdenominational events" on MON 8/19. This may or may not include:

• Islamic mosques & Hindu temples whose members will be meeting together to chant, "Death to the infidels" during the total phase of the eclipse.

• Mormons & Jehovah's Witnesses who are getting together in hopes that this celestial event will usher in the events prophesied to occur in the End Times by their thoroughly discredited founders.

• Members of the DNC & the drive-by media, who plan to hold rallies throughout the day on MON 8/19, hoping to provoke right wing extremists. 

Eclipse Mania + Dangerous Iguanas, Not-So-Much Llamas

There Is No Place Like Nebraska!

From Omaha World Herald (8/18):  "Solar Eclipse Preparations. Traffic jams, wildfires among concerns . . . 

• "Potential traffic jams on highways rank as one of the top concerns, especially if cloud cover cover somewhere along the eclipse's 168-mile path through the state sends sky watchers scrambling elsewhere to get a look . . .  
• "Another major concern is wildfires, especially in the Panhandle, which has been dealing with dry conditions in recent weeks . . . 
• "In addition, officials anticipate heavy air traffic from small planes landing at airports along the eclipse route . . . 
• I-80 is expected to be very busy, especially in the Grand Island area. Heavy traffic also is expected on U.S. Hwy 77 between Lincoln & Beatrice."

I can neither confirm nor deny these additional steps being enacted by the highest level of government officials in our State.

1. All vehicles from other Big 10 states, but especially Ohio, Wisconsin, & Iowa, will be stopped on the border, charged a $25 toll, & issued a "Go Big Red" license plate, which will be their entry pass to any eclipse-viewing site in the state.
2. National Guard troops will be deployed along highways to use pepper spray on drivers who unwisely decide to pull over on the shoulder to view the eclipse.
3. Visitors who have already shelled out $300-500 for motel rooms * can expect an additional surcharge for towels, shampoo, soap, toilet paper, & bedding.
4. McDonald's along the route will most likely be charging $10 for a cup of coffee & $11.50 per pancake. Syrup will be extra.
5. You don't even want to know what Scooter's & Starbuck's will be charging.
6. Although special sunglasses have been sold-out for weeks, welders' will be making their masks available for a $100 rental fee.
7. The N.O.O.P. E. E.D. ** will be on hand to provide treatment for those who unwisely look directly into the sun, causing permanent cornea damage. **

* Even at Motel 6

** Nebraska Opthalmologists & Optometrists for the Prevention of Eclipse Eye Damage

*** And you don't even want to know what this will cost you either.

There Is No Place Like . . . New Hampshire?

From Norfolk Daily News (8/15):  "Police catch iguana. Police in Rye, N.H. had their hands full after a pet iguana got loose & bit a cyclist."  I can neither confirm nor deny that a movie entitled "Iguan-ado" is in the works.

Ditto (8/17):  "Well-known escapee joins golfers on course.  Maybe these golfers didn't yell 'fore' but they might have considered 'llama on the links.' Golfers at Eagle Mountain Golf Course in Jackson, N.H. were joined recently by a llama that escaped from his pen about 2 miles away . . . the pack animal, named Noir, was friendly & got in pictures w/the golfers. The fugitive is well known to local police. Officers escorted him home in June when he escaped from his enclosure . . . "  I don't think llamas bite, but they do spit. Go ahead--check it out on YouTube.

Dept. of Exotic Cuisine

In June, Lois & I trekked to Northeast MN, it was a wonderful trip except for the fall I took, for which I am still enduring physical therapy. But I digress . . . We bought ourselves a can of "Canada's Pure Saskatoon Jam." * How do we know that this food is the "real deal?"

• It had a French subtitle on the label: "Confiture de Saskatoon."
• The #1 ingredient was Saskatoon berries.
• If you Google "Saskatoon berry," you will encounter a plethora of web sites that will provide you with--among other things--recipes for all manner of exotic, Saskatoon berry cuisine.

We had never heard of such a berry. This jam is delicious, especially on buttered toast. If you're ever in the neighborhood, drop buy & I'll fix you a piece of whole wheat toast, slathered in Saskatoon Jam.

*Note:  We didn't make it into Canada, although we were a mere stone's thrown from our neighbors to the North when we were hiking along one of the river trails we explored.

Our baby has a birthday + Cheaters + Bear teeth + A science fraud exposed

Our youngest is celebrating her birthday today!

Rachel, our "little lamb" [You can look up the meaning of her name.], is celebrating her 28th birthday today. RACHEL, your card is on our dining room table. You'll receive it, along w/a lavish gift, on THU 8/17! Since you turn 28 today, that must mean that I am . . . Wait . . . What?! 64-years old?! Now I'm depressed.

Knock me over with a feather

From Omaha World Herald (8/9):  "One-third of U.S. teenagers use electronics to cheat, survey finds."  I didn't even bother to read the article.

Bears

From Norfolk Daily News (8/11):  Carolyn Nistler is at the forefront of a boom in a resource that plays a key role in the management of American wildlife:  bear teeth. Nistler, owner of a Montana lab, & others are sorting through a windfall of teeth of American black bears, which use their powerful jaws to crunch hazelnuts & chew salmon flesh."

• Having eaten salmon on more than one occasion, I find it hard to believe that one needs powerful jaws to chew their flesh.
• Thoughtful hikers in bear country should now carry a long pair of pliers with them in case they are attached by a bear.
• I carefully perused the rest of this article. There was no mention of the role that bear dentists play in harvesting bear teeth for research.

The Science Guy

From Parade Magazine, "Carson & Cannan Interview The Science Guy," (8/4):  "Carson:  When did you become the Science Guy? Bill Nye:  It was Jan. 1987. I was working on a comedy show in Seattle, writing jokes for a stand-up routine . . . One night I had to fill 6 minutes when someone else didn't show up.A guy--that I'm still good friends with--said, 'You could be, like, Bill Nye the Science Guy or something.' I thought it was a pretty good idea . . . I realized this could be huge--huge! It took another five years to get the Science Guy show."

Dept. of Fanciful Interviews

CBLReporter *:  Mr. Nye, what is the greatest threat facing humankind today?
BN:  Obviously, the greatest threat to humankind today is global climate change.
CBL:  Why do you say that?
BN:  If we don't start taking drastic action consisting of drastic lifestyle changes & spending trillions of dollars now, homo sapiens will go extinct.
CBL:  And you have science degrees that lend credibility to your claims, or are you just a successful self-promoter?
BN:  No. Yes.

*Cornhusker Blog Lite Reporter

Nebraska vs Iowa + Fat Dogs + Fat Fair-Go-ers

There Is No Place Like Nebraska

From the Omaha World Herald (7/2):  "Eclipse expected to attract hundreds of thousands. Nearly a half million people could descend on the total eclipse zone in Nebraska on Aug. 21, according to an analysis by a veteran eclipse chaster & map expert." It's not too late to reserve a space at my sister & brother-in-law's in Beatrice. Rates have increased since we are almost down to the last week, but Beatrice is still a prime viewing spot. You can still get a slight discount, however, if you book through me.

Also from OWH (7/2), Upon Further Review by Brad Dickson:  "Nebraska is mentioned prominently in a new book called Beautifully Grotesque Fish of the American West. I miss the day when around this time of year Nebraska would be mentioned prominently in the college football preview magazines." What he said.

Ditto:  "Nebraska's cats & dogs are the second-fattest in the country. The dog's name fits him just right--Whopper. The Akita-mix tipped the scales at about 185 lbs--almost 100 lbs more than his ideal weight--when his owners turned him in to the NE Humane Society a few years back . . . A new report highlights the problem of overweight pets & Nebraska definitely has its share of butterballs. The state ranked 2nd for its % of overweight dogs & 7th for cats. The report said 39% of dogs & 43% of cats in Nebraska are overweight or obese. Iowa landed in 3rd place for big cats, though the state didn't crack the top 10 for chunky dogs." Another dubious distinction yet still one that outweighs * our Iowanian friends.
* "Outweighs," get it? Sometimes I crack myself up.

Speaking of Iowanians . . . There Is No Place Like Iowa

From OWH (8/6) *:  "Event adds rides, 44 new foods in aim to offer 'best of the best.' New amusement rides? Check. New food on a stick? Check. The butter cow, a tradition since 1911? Check. The IA State Fair opens its 11-day run THU in Des Moines w/the promise of new thrills at one of the oldest & largest agricultural & industrial expositions in the country. It attracts more than 1 million fairgoers each year. 'Nothing compares to the IA State Fair,' said Mindy Williamson, marketing director . . . ' Foods making their IA debuts include cheesy fried enchilada funnel cake, pancake taco, & a sweet brat hog dog w/maple syrup on a stick. And bacon. Lots of bacon. There will be bacon cheese friends, bacon in a cup, bacon-wrapped hot dog, & bacon-wrapped chick on a stick." ** Having attended my first NE State Fair last year, I must confess that our Iowanian brothers & sisters on the east side of the Missouri River truly surpass our relatively feeble effort when it comes to the State Fair.
* According to my calculation, there is still time to plan a road trip to the Fair.
** I can neither confirm nor deny that the Nebraska Dept. of Health & Human Services is providing free cholesterol checks for NE citizens returning from the IA State Fair, just across the Missouri River off I-80 in Omaha.
*** The Iowa State Fair remains on my bucket list.

Special Reunion Edition

Alligators, Dogs, Rhinoceroses 

Hill Sibling Reunion Post-Mortem

Before we left St. Petersburg on TUE 7/25, we paid a visit to Sawtooth Lake State Park, & I saw my first alligators "in the wild." Although there was a certain satisfaction at having seen this reptile in the wild, Lake Placid it was not. Still, we got back in plenty of time to make it to the airport, left on time, & had uneventful flights home.

Man's Best Friend Reunion

We picked up Sammy from the vet's on WED 7/26. Sammy spent a lot of time in the kennel this summer. As you might imagine, this did not engender a great amount of trust in our relationship. As you also might imagine, he was delirious w/rapture [in the non-theological sense] when we picked him. It's taken a few weeks, but he's finally allowing us to release him in the backyard voluntarily again without having to be bribed or hauled outside by the collar. [At bedtime, rather than head outside one last time to deposit some doggie dna, he would quickly head for his kennel.] 

Grand-Kids' Reunion

Since Bentley got sick when we took the grand-kids camping at Two Rivers State Park back in July, he didn't get to go to the Henry Doorly Zoo. So, last SAT 8/5, Lois accompanied Rachel & Bentley to the zoo & met Sarah & the little girls there. Bentley came back w/a t-shirt, picturing a rhinoceros, entitled "Chubby Unicorn." Brianna came back w/Lois. She's here for the week, helping Lois get ready for school.