Year in Review
While it's still easy for me to slip into a pity party over the circumstances which led to my departure from Lutheran High Northeast, my "sabbatical" has also led me to realize the blessings that have accompanied it.- Writing for Orphan Grain Train. It is a joy to serve in an organization that is so focused on delivering the mercy & grace of Jesus Christ to needy people both here & abroad--regardless of their skin color or religion. Plus it is a joy to write. I can call myself a "writer" with a clear conscience. In hindsight, what was one task that I thoroughly looked forward to & enjoyed about my role as an administrator of Lutheran High Schools, dating back to Lincoln Lutheran & Lutheran High School of Hawaii? Writing! [Letters, newsletters, reports]
- Helping my family. I wouldn't be able to spend time helping my daughter & grand-daughters during my son-in-law's deployment if I was still serving as FT administrator of a Lutheran high school. I've also gotten to take care of my 3-year-old grand-son occasionally. [He likes to watch truck videos on youtube with his papa.]
- Spending quiet time in meditation & prayer. I also wouldn't have significant time to begin each day--well, most days--growing in my relationship with Christ, as I meditate on His Word & pray. I am especially thankful for a devotional resource given to me by my brother Mark, Treasury of Daily Prayer. Another resource that really spoke to me was Martin Luther Day-by-Day. Call me a born & bred Lutheran ["Ok, you're a born & bred Lutheran." Cornhusker State Blog Consulting Team.], but I consistently find Dr. Luther's insights re: the scriptures as apt today as just about any more contemporary theologian or apologist. [I still really, really like to read C.S. Lewis, Slice of Infinity {RZIM}, & LHM devotions.]
Physical Health
- My hip replacement earlier in 2016, inspired me to work hard to, first, get in shape to aid my recovery, & then to aid in my rehab. I did a lot of walking--my dog Sammy helped, despite my loathing of traipsing around my immediate surroundings, carrying traces of doggie DNA--also, rehab exercises w/the PT team at Bel Air, then at home.
- Too bad that I didn't follow through & continue following my faithful regimen, because I lost a lot of weight prior to & following my surgery, then started working on gaining it back. ["To his credit, he still weighs less than he did when he went on his sabbatical, although he hasn't weighed since he returned from his holiday meanderings to Texas & back." CSBCT]
- I almost made it through the year w/o a episode of cluster headaches. Unfortunately, the week before Christmas I needed to use my medication that I take when I suspect that a cluster headache is imminent. The symptoms never vary--it starts with a pressure above & behind my left eye. If I don't use my nose spray soon enough, it can explode into a full-blown, extremely painful cluster headache. I added a preventative medication & started using my oxygen machine at night. It seemed like the cycle ended before we left town, but toward the end of our meanderings the headaches returned, this time with some pain. Thankfully, I still haven't had a full-blown headache, & I'm back on oxygen. Hopefully we'll see an end to this cycle soon & very soon.
Time with Family & Friends
If you have already received a family Christmas letter, or if you soon receive a "generic" Christmas-Epiphany letter, some of this will be redundant. Time spent w/family & friends produces anxiety but also comfort.
- Anxiety, because I obsess over how my OCD is going to lead to non-stop talking & demands for attention. ["Seriously? You like attention?" CSBCT]
- Comfort, because ultimately most(?) friends & family seem to provide reassurance that I am at least tolerated, if not accepted. ["Keep telling yourself that." CSBCT]
Mental Health
2016 seemed to be moving along fairly well until the end of the summer. Then I slipped into a depressive state that lasted until early December, due to a number of factors.
- I was informed by one insurance company, who shall remain nameless [It wasn't CPS.] that I no longer qualified for my medical disability & was capable of resuming responsibilities as a FT administrator of a LHS. This, despite the consensus of my mental health providers that I could NOT. Among other things, this led to a loss of health benefits for 2 months while I appealed this decision; also a loss of disability payments from the end of July until December.
- A related factor was the ongoing anxiety associated w/my appeal: Eventually my "temporary" health insurance was restored, but on a month-to-month basis. Before this happened, I had to drain quite a bit of my H.S.A., because my need for medical appointments & medications didn't cease. After my temporary insurance was restored, pending appeal, every month was a waiting game. I knew that if & when my insurance company denied my appeal, my health insurance would be terminated at the end of that month. [Eventually they upheld my appeal.]
- A 3rd factor, I believe, was the emerging understanding that the 2016-17 school year was beginning at LHNE w/o me. Despite my continued prayers, a ministry so near & dear to my heart didn't seem to offer any door for me to serve in even the smallest capacity. This has been very difficult for me to accept. At the same time, my "sabbatical" has given me time to understand that I was in no condition to continue in my responsibilities at FT administrator at Lutheran High. Also, I knew that LHNE had called a godly man to assume those responsibilities.
- A final factor was the growing realization that the time was growing closer for me to formally accept some kind of early retirement. My position as "correspondent" for Orphan Grain Train seemed secure, but beyond that? I worried about how the loss of disability income would affect our financial health as a couple. I obsessed over the weak faith that contributed to this obsession. At 63 going on 64, after a full-2-years of [almost] daily quiet time to grow in my relationship with Christ, where was my trust in the Lord? After all . . .
- "Trust in the Lord with all your heart & lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, & He will make your paths straight." Proverbs. 3:5-6
Year in Preview: God's Understanding vs My Understanding
On this second day of 2017 . . . Can it really be 2017? ["Uh, that would be, yeah." CSBCT], here's what I know.
- I know that my medical disability will end on 2/16/17. That actually provides some closure for both Lois & me, because instead of wondering each month when the hammer is going to fall, we have a fixed date that we can plan for.
- We can plan for an early retirement date of 3/1/17.
- I have formally requested that the Lutheran High School Board grant me a peaceful release from my Call, effective March 1. A "peaceful release" is NOT something I could have requested even 6 months ago. I attribute this to prayer, insight gained from Scripture, & the advice & counsel of godly people.
- My position as correspondent for Orphan Grain is secure. This allows me to write, & not only does writing continue to be good therapy for me, it allows me to serve the Lord in a manner which is humbling yet fulfilling to me.
- There is hope that I may still be able to serve the mission & ministry of Lutheran High Northeast, but this is in God's hands. If this door is closed to me, I can accept it.
- I will still be able to help my daughter & grand-daughters in a hands-on way until my son-in-law returns from Iraq.
- There may be avenues of additional service for me in God's Kingdom in the New Year.
Thanks for "listening."
I didn't set out to be this serious & personal, but now that I've finished, it does seem to have had at least a mildly therapeutic effect on me.
My closing prayer for both you & me in 2017:
"Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord; knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." 1 Cor. 15:58
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