I'm a little nervous about today's entry, since I'm sitting at home, several hundred miles away from the easy access of my son, whose been at my "beck & call" the last few days, helping me get this blog off the ground. Today is truly a solo effort. We'll see if I can actually get the link posted on FB all by myself.
I'm also not in a particularly good mood. I've been having cluster headaches off-and-on for the last month or so; in no way comparable to the hideous outbreak I had in the spring & early summer of 2013, which, I am convinced, contributed to my current sabbatical, but enough of a cluster to interfere with my sleeping patterns (4:30 this morning), overuse of my headache meds, contribute to my general anxiety disorder, & interfere w/my travel plans. Thursday I'll see my neurologist. But enough about me. You wanna talk about the Supreme Court's recent decisions? Yeah, I'm not sure I want to either. Let's see how this plays out.
And there was no manly coffee for me to make this morning, so I had to make some of Lois' girly coffee, but caffeine is caffeine, know what I'm sayin'?
From Norfolk Daily News (6/25/15), "Obama to heckler: 'You're in my house.' President Obama took on a heckler head-on at a gay-pride month reception at the White House Wednesday, scolding the protestor for being disrespectful in "my house." The heckler had interrupted Obama's remarks . . . The president responded, "Hold on a second." When the heckler persisted, Obama, flashing an exasperated look, countered, "OK, you know what?" Wagging his finger & shaking his head, Obama said, "No, no, no, no, no," repeating the word more than a dozen times. As the heckler continued to talk over him, Obama took it up a notch. "Hey. Listen. You're in my house," he said to laughter & woos from the crowd." [Kudos to the President. Bet you never thought you'd read that from me! Too bad we never read anything like this when hecklers shout down conservative speakers.]
From Jackson Hole Daily (6/15/15) *, "Off-the-cuff comments costly for Nobel winner. A week ago, Tim Hunt was a well-known Nobel prize winner who was promoting science education throughout Europe & the world. Today's he's widely perceived as a sexists who has been stripped of most of his positions because of inappropriate comments about women in science . . . Hunt's fall followed a speech Tuesday at the World Conference of Science Journalists in South Korea in which he said that 'girls' cause trouble in labs because 'you fall in love with them, they fall in love with you, & when you criticize the, they cry.'" [My experience in science classes was that I tended to be the one who cried because, while I loved explosions, dissections, liquids changing colors, etc., my results had a tendency to, shall we say, flounder. The only thing that got me through most of my high school & junior college science labs was partners who let me do the dirty work while they handled the calculations, calibrations, incantations, permutations, exhumations, etc. Oh, I am absolutely shocked that the international science community is influenced by political correctness. Shocked, I tell you.]
Re: recent Supreme Court decisions: While all of them are disappointing to me, none of them are surprising. That's all I'm going to say for now, because emotions on both sides are running so intense. On second thought, I'll say this. This appears to be a triumph of feelings & emotion over reason & rationality. Also, it appears as if the same justices who ruled that the DOMA was unconstitutional, because such laws have traditionally fallen within the realm of states' rights, have now decided that laws restricting gay marriage are unconstitutional, because states don't have the power to restrict them. Wait . . . what? [I cannot take credit, by the way, for that insight. I heard it from Rush Limbaugh while we were on the road, traveling back from MN yesterday. I apologize IF that offends you.]
* Yes, I tried to keep up with the occasional newspaper while we were on our 40th Anniversary Odyssey. And it was free.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Sunday, June 28, 2015
QUICK BLOG ATTEMPT
Reflections on a Hotel Stay
We are staying in a Best Western Hotel while we are visiting my son & daughter-in-law in Eagan, MN. We are hosting our 11- & 5-year-old grand-daughters, which is our self-less contribution to this long weekend's festivities...meant to help ease the stress in particular at bedtime.
My reflections:
- I remember when you used to have to bring your own soap & shampoo. Now you usually get "free soap & shampoo, which I collect. We got new bottles of shampoo & conditioner for the 2nd day, but no fresh soap. I "took measures" to try to ensure fresh soap & another set of fresh shampoo & conditioner.
- I remember when you had to find breakfast at a nearby cafe. Sometimes the motel where you stayed had its own cafe attached. Now I get a little grouchy when I can't get my favorite hotel breakfast, which is biscuits & gravy. This morning I had an English muffin w/real butter (always use real butter!), half-a-waffle w/maple (allegedly syrup), sausage links, the cinnamon-raisin toast my niece decided she didn't want, & coffee--lots of coffee.
- And I can remember when you didn't have a coffee maker in your room. Or a refrigerator or a microwave. Or free newspapers in the lobby.
I like to get up before Lois, wander down to the breakfast nook, read, eat some breakfast & drink coffee at my leisure w/o waking her up. That's my typical breakfast routine at a hotel.
One more thing...you can tell what part of the country you're in by what's playing on the t.v. in the breakfast nook. Out west it's generally Fox News (love it) or TWC (tolerate it). In the Chicago area it was TWC or CNN (gag me w/a spoon). In the Twin Cities it's CNN (you heard me).
One more thing...you can tell what part of the country you're in by what's playing on the t.v. in the breakfast nook. Out west it's generally Fox News (love it) or TWC (tolerate it). In the Chicago area it was TWC or CNN (gag me w/a spoon). In the Twin Cities it's CNN (you heard me).
I wrote today's entry just to practice. Don't hesitate to respond, but please continue to take into consideration my fragile mental & emotional state.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Mental Health Monday
IT'S SAT 6/27! This is a re-post of my original entry that has been re-edited by both my son Nathan & me.
This probably won't be the post you're expecting, since we've been gone since 6/11, on our 40th Anniversary Odyssey, which took us to stops @ Scotts Bluff, Ft. Laramie, Grand Tetons and Yellowstone National Parks, Little Bighorn Battlefield National Historic Site, and Wall Drug, but it's really, REALLY time to get serious about my blog now, establish a rhythm, whatever. "Mental Health Monday" has a nice, alliterative tone to it, doesn't it? You'll hear more about our trek in upcoming posts.
Since August of 1996, I have served as both the executive director and principal of Lutheran High Northeast in Norfolk, NE. Many of you (at least family members) know that early last November I took an indefinite personal medical leave due to what in layperson's terms would best be described as "burnout." I've been through this before, but not as bad. For all practical purposes, things had gotten to the point where I just couldn't function at a level necessary for me to conduct my ministry effectively as head administrator at Lutheran High.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression back in 2004 and have struggled with that condition off and on ever since. That is a more medically-accurate term than burn-out by the way. For the most part it was been well under control, thanks to some off-again-on-again clinical therapy, along with medication under the supervision of a psychiatrist. I am absolutely, 100% convinced that I have a family history of depression, exacerbated by personal behavior choices, whereby I have have not done myself any favors. Two caveats: First, my conclusion re: a family history, should not be taken a license to draw your own conclusions about other family members; and secondly, I take full responsibility (mostly) for my Type A, workaholic personality, which has contributed to my condition.
In any case, I began to notice that I was slipping into a depressive state by the spring of 2013, helped along by some physical issues, including a series of cluster headaches, a lower back injury, insomnia, surgery (successful!) for prostate cancer the following November, a pinched nerve in my groin (side effect of the surgery, which led to more insomnia), an inability to manage stress positively, poor diet and exercise choices . . . political machinations of one of our parties, no, wait, I'm saving my political rants for another day . . . you get the picture.
I was not able to get the things done last summer (2014) that I count to bring closure to the school year and prepare for the next school year. Minor things like newly revised handbooks, department budgets, expedient financial aid decisions were taking me increasingly longer periods of time to stay on top of. Keep in mind that my headaches during March-June 2013 & surgery + complications in November 2013 had added to getting dug into that hole, along with added teaching responsibilities on top of my administrative responsibilities.
Necessary administrative responsibilities, minor things like preparing for Board meetings, processing the results, and preparing for faculty meetings and inservice, were taking me longer than ever. Keeping up with observations, supervising faculty and staff adequately--it was too much to handle. It was becoming evident to my administrative and office staff, not to mention my faculty, that something had to give.
Then there was my long-suffering wife, who was telling me, and rightfully so, that my solution to my problem was only making things worse. My solution? Work with my doctor to find better medications to keep me going...begin clinical therapy again...work longer hours and add Saturday mornings, no, wait...all day Saturdays, no, let's add Sundays from after I left church until time to go home to supper.
Bottom line? By October it was becoming obviously clear to me, my family, my faculty, staff, children, Board, and neighbors (well, maybe not neighbors, although I wasn't keeping up with yardwork) that I could not sustain my pace at work, and necessary work wasn't getting done. So the Board and I reached the conclusion that I needed to go on an indefinite personal medical leave in early November until at least after Christmas break.
At the "intervention" it was sort of put to me like this, "It would be better for you to cooperate with us about this decision," and I couldn't disagree. Our Nebraska District President got involved, too, and I went on disability around the middle of November.
I need to wrap this up, so here goes. (Well, with me the phrase "wrap this up" is always relative.") What I thought would get cleared up by the end of Christmas break stretched into January, then the end of February into March. Lois I went to Shepherd's Canyon Retreat in Arizona toward the end of January--truly a God-directed experience--we came back with more clarity of direction for me, although not totally.
Upon returning from the trip, I told my the my school board:
(a) I needed more personal leave time.
(b) I wasn't sure that I saw myself returning on a full time basis with the same amount of responsibilities.
(c) I fully understood my status as a called worker, submitting to their authority as my calling body.
(d) I would abide by their decision and timeline as to my role at Lutheran High Northeast.
If, after that length of time, I could not say I would be able to return in full capacity, they would say, "Okay, Paul, we can't keep extending your leave indefinitely. We need an answer from you. Do you think you can return? If so, in what capacity and when, because we need to move forward for the sake of the Lutheran High."
At that point I was seeing my psychiatrist, as needed, for management of my psychotropic medications, getting clinical counseling from a licensed therapist on a weekly basis,seeking semi-regular counseling from the LCMS Nebraska District President, and listening to the advice of wise friends and family members.
I had also undergone a neuro-psych evaluation, and my Board had made it clear to me that they would not let me return without some type of official "clearance" from my mental health team. In other words, they wouldn't just take my word for it. I couldn't give them a call and say, "I'm feeling much better and I'll be back at work one week from today."
My official, formal, mental health diagnoses are clinical depression, a general anxiety disorder, and obsessive compulsive disorder. There's more, but that's all you need to know for now. Back in the day they may have called this a "nervous breakdown," but I am a "high-functioning" example who doesn't totally fit the mold. (Charlie Brown walking around with a rain cloud over his head all the time? Not me.)
In March I was informed by my board president and pastoral advisor that the board had determined it was in both my best interest and Lutheran High's best interest for them to begin the call process for a new principal. I would not be returning as head administrator, although I would retain my title as "executive director" so as not to jeopardize my disability status.
I would have liked for them to discuss this decision with me before making the decision without me. Yet having said that, I am pretty sure that I'm not in the right frame of mind to resume FT work, probably not even PT. In other words, (he said quietly), "I still have issues which have yet to be resolved."
Writing seems to help, and I've received encouragement to use it as a continued form of "therapy." My therapist even thinks maybe this blog could be a sort of help for others with similar mental health challenges. I'm not sure I'm ready to give myself that much credit, but today's entry it a start.
This probably won't be the post you're expecting, since we've been gone since 6/11, on our 40th Anniversary Odyssey, which took us to stops @ Scotts Bluff, Ft. Laramie, Grand Tetons and Yellowstone National Parks, Little Bighorn Battlefield National Historic Site, and Wall Drug, but it's really, REALLY time to get serious about my blog now, establish a rhythm, whatever. "Mental Health Monday" has a nice, alliterative tone to it, doesn't it? You'll hear more about our trek in upcoming posts.
Since August of 1996, I have served as both the executive director and principal of Lutheran High Northeast in Norfolk, NE. Many of you (at least family members) know that early last November I took an indefinite personal medical leave due to what in layperson's terms would best be described as "burnout." I've been through this before, but not as bad. For all practical purposes, things had gotten to the point where I just couldn't function at a level necessary for me to conduct my ministry effectively as head administrator at Lutheran High.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression back in 2004 and have struggled with that condition off and on ever since. That is a more medically-accurate term than burn-out by the way. For the most part it was been well under control, thanks to some off-again-on-again clinical therapy, along with medication under the supervision of a psychiatrist. I am absolutely, 100% convinced that I have a family history of depression, exacerbated by personal behavior choices, whereby I have have not done myself any favors. Two caveats: First, my conclusion re: a family history, should not be taken a license to draw your own conclusions about other family members; and secondly, I take full responsibility (mostly) for my Type A, workaholic personality, which has contributed to my condition.
In any case, I began to notice that I was slipping into a depressive state by the spring of 2013, helped along by some physical issues, including a series of cluster headaches, a lower back injury, insomnia, surgery (successful!) for prostate cancer the following November, a pinched nerve in my groin (side effect of the surgery, which led to more insomnia), an inability to manage stress positively, poor diet and exercise choices . . . political machinations of one of our parties, no, wait, I'm saving my political rants for another day . . . you get the picture.
I was not able to get the things done last summer (2014) that I count to bring closure to the school year and prepare for the next school year. Minor things like newly revised handbooks, department budgets, expedient financial aid decisions were taking me increasingly longer periods of time to stay on top of. Keep in mind that my headaches during March-June 2013 & surgery + complications in November 2013 had added to getting dug into that hole, along with added teaching responsibilities on top of my administrative responsibilities.
Necessary administrative responsibilities, minor things like preparing for Board meetings, processing the results, and preparing for faculty meetings and inservice, were taking me longer than ever. Keeping up with observations, supervising faculty and staff adequately--it was too much to handle. It was becoming evident to my administrative and office staff, not to mention my faculty, that something had to give.
Then there was my long-suffering wife, who was telling me, and rightfully so, that my solution to my problem was only making things worse. My solution? Work with my doctor to find better medications to keep me going...begin clinical therapy again...work longer hours and add Saturday mornings, no, wait...all day Saturdays, no, let's add Sundays from after I left church until time to go home to supper.
Bottom line? By October it was becoming obviously clear to me, my family, my faculty, staff, children, Board, and neighbors (well, maybe not neighbors, although I wasn't keeping up with yardwork) that I could not sustain my pace at work, and necessary work wasn't getting done. So the Board and I reached the conclusion that I needed to go on an indefinite personal medical leave in early November until at least after Christmas break.
At the "intervention" it was sort of put to me like this, "It would be better for you to cooperate with us about this decision," and I couldn't disagree. Our Nebraska District President got involved, too, and I went on disability around the middle of November.
I need to wrap this up, so here goes. (Well, with me the phrase "wrap this up" is always relative.") What I thought would get cleared up by the end of Christmas break stretched into January, then the end of February into March. Lois I went to Shepherd's Canyon Retreat in Arizona toward the end of January--truly a God-directed experience--we came back with more clarity of direction for me, although not totally.
Upon returning from the trip, I told my the my school board:
(a) I needed more personal leave time.
(b) I wasn't sure that I saw myself returning on a full time basis with the same amount of responsibilities.
(c) I fully understood my status as a called worker, submitting to their authority as my calling body.
(d) I would abide by their decision and timeline as to my role at Lutheran High Northeast.
If, after that length of time, I could not say I would be able to return in full capacity, they would say, "Okay, Paul, we can't keep extending your leave indefinitely. We need an answer from you. Do you think you can return? If so, in what capacity and when, because we need to move forward for the sake of the Lutheran High."
At that point I was seeing my psychiatrist, as needed, for management of my psychotropic medications, getting clinical counseling from a licensed therapist on a weekly basis,seeking semi-regular counseling from the LCMS Nebraska District President, and listening to the advice of wise friends and family members.
I had also undergone a neuro-psych evaluation, and my Board had made it clear to me that they would not let me return without some type of official "clearance" from my mental health team. In other words, they wouldn't just take my word for it. I couldn't give them a call and say, "I'm feeling much better and I'll be back at work one week from today."
My official, formal, mental health diagnoses are clinical depression, a general anxiety disorder, and obsessive compulsive disorder. There's more, but that's all you need to know for now. Back in the day they may have called this a "nervous breakdown," but I am a "high-functioning" example who doesn't totally fit the mold. (Charlie Brown walking around with a rain cloud over his head all the time? Not me.)
In March I was informed by my board president and pastoral advisor that the board had determined it was in both my best interest and Lutheran High's best interest for them to begin the call process for a new principal. I would not be returning as head administrator, although I would retain my title as "executive director" so as not to jeopardize my disability status.
I would have liked for them to discuss this decision with me before making the decision without me. Yet having said that, I am pretty sure that I'm not in the right frame of mind to resume FT work, probably not even PT. In other words, (he said quietly), "I still have issues which have yet to be resolved."
Writing seems to help, and I've received encouragement to use it as a continued form of "therapy." My therapist even thinks maybe this blog could be a sort of help for others with similar mental health challenges. I'm not sure I'm ready to give myself that much credit, but today's entry it a start.
Political Tuesday
IT'S SAT 6/27! THIS, TOO, IS AN EDITED, RE-POST of the entry I originally posted on TUE 6/23. Decided to start over.
Although “Political Tuesday” doesn’t have the same pleasing alliterative tone as “Mental Health Monday,” we’ll roll with it & give it a try. Once again, my blog is still in its infancy, so I’m still playing around with styles & colors, trying to establish a rhythm, messing around with some regular or semi-regular themes, trying to make use of the advice I’m getting from useful(?) sources, such as Larry Noack, who helped me set up my first blog; & my son Nathan, who is the author of a blog I admire very much (Twin Cities Runner, I think.) He’s actually helped me get this blog set-up & has done some editing for me.
Although “Political Tuesday” doesn’t have the same pleasing alliterative tone as “Mental Health Monday,” we’ll roll with it & give it a try. Once again, my blog is still in its infancy, so I’m still playing around with styles & colors, trying to establish a rhythm, messing around with some regular or semi-regular themes, trying to make use of the advice I’m getting from useful(?) sources, such as Larry Noack, who helped me set up my first blog; & my son Nathan, who is the author of a blog I admire very much (Twin Cities Runner, I think.) He’s actually helped me get this blog set-up & has done some editing for me.
My first post, as some of you know, ended up on Lois’ FB page, & Nathan tried to explain to me last night what I did wrong. The next evening (at 6:20p, CDT) I wrote an entry as a Word document, which I cut & pasted into my blog later (or so I thought).
So Tuesday blog entries are meant to be more political in nature, & I have a few thoughts to share today. [DISCLAIMER: If you didn’t already know, it should be obvious from this post that I shade toward the right side of the political spectrum, or as we like to describe ourselves, “thoughtful & reasonable.”]
- NBC announced that the addition of Brian Williams to MSNBC (or was it CNBC—nobody watches these networks anyway, so it’s hard to remember) adds great credibility to that network. My two cents worth:
Is the implication that even the parent network must acknowledge the almost total lack of credibility of the daughter network up until now?
Isn’t NBC giving props to one of its daughter networks similar to Eric Holder giving props to Hillary Clinton for her record as Secretary of State?
Isn’t NBC giving props to one of its daughter networks similar to Eric Holder giving props to Hillary Clinton for her record as Secretary of State?
- Speaking of Hillary Clinton . . . Several weeks ago I said it was time to stop Hillary-bashing. My new standard would be the following. Anytime a new story broke, which I assumed would be often, linking Bill, Hillary, and/or the Clinton Foundation to a scandal or ethical conundrum (you gotta love that word!) or even a hint of such, before casting judgment, I would substitute George W. and/or Laura Bush in place of the Clintons & see how it made me feel. So, when just a few days ago Hillary pretty much blamed Donald Trump’s rhetoric for inciting the shooter in Charlotte, I applied my standard. Sorry, Hillary. Your statement was wrong-headed, poorly reasoned, irrational, & utterly lacking in every way re: any hint of sympathy for the victims, their families, or an attempt at healing. Would that you have spoken out like the son of one of the victims did. [I saw him on, gasp, shudder, Fox News.] Score this one for the Bushes.
- Having spoken my mind about “she whose name shall not be spoken as the very likely next POTUS, I will now speak my mind about Donald Trump. What a fatuous (another word I just love) ass he is, is he not? Of course he immediately expressed his outrage at her comments, & rightfully so, but I have little to no sympathy for him, because
His motives for a presidential run appear to be totally bogus again; and
He has 0% chance of winning but will waste the media & other legitimate candidates’ time & resources during the campaign; and
A few of his policies actually make sense but his braggadocio (a rather pedestrian word but a big one nonetheless, so I’ll use it) overshadows any credibility they might be given.
- Finally, there’s the recent matter of Rachel Dolezal, the NAACP chapter leader from somewhere or other [it wasn’t Omaha] whose long-term claims to be African-American have turned out to be bogus.
According to some polls, many are saying it doesn’t matter, she should retain her leadership position, because she identifies so strongly with Black American culture.
Some "progressives" (I really, really don’t like that term but won’t take time to elaborate now) are suggesting that she relates as a Black American because of her ideology much more strongly than Clarence Thomas or Dr. Ben Carson, due to their conservative politics.
I.E., ideology trumps biology, because Clarence Thomas & Ben Carson have a truly more authentic Black American experience than Ms. Dolezal’s. (Sorry, hate to break this to her apologists . . . she made up stuff. That makes her a liar. Lying, the last time I checked, is still a sin.)
This is yet another sad commentary on “the age we live in.” Apparently if you follow the right ideology, you can be what you want to be. Another example? Bruce “Caitlyn” Jenner. (Sorry, don’t feel like getting into that debate now either.)
To summarize, this kind of gives proof that far too many people accept a world view that believes that standards, values, ethics, morals are based on floating feelings, not on any lasting, truthful standards. Therefore, based on Lois & my recent 40th Anniversary Odyssey out West, & especially in light of Custer’s crushing defeat by Lakota, Cheyenne, & Arapahoe warriors at Little Bighorn, I have decided that I identify much more readily with the winners, not the losers. Hence, beginning this moment, I am choosing to be a direct descendant of Cheyenne warriors, specifically, those who personally participated in killing that pompous Indian killer, George A. Custer. What a jerk he was! [I’m quite sure he was a Republican, although he apparently hated President Grant.] I apologize IF I have offended any descendants of George A. and/or any remaining Custer apologists (but I think history is on my side).
Your comments & feedback are most welcome . . . In light of my “Mental Health Monday” post, please keep in mind my fragile mental, emotional state.
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